


weight of it all

by insomnia_anonymous



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Blood and Injury, Boundaries, CADMUS - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, F/F, Flashbacks, Gen, Healthy Coping, Healthy Relationships, Human Experimentation, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mentions of Alex Danvers/Lucy Lane, Past Child Abuse, Project Cadmus, Relapse, Suicide, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Very Slow Build to Alex Danvers/Lucy Lane/Maggie Sawyer, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:33:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 52,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25713604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insomnia_anonymous/pseuds/insomnia_anonymous
Summary: Alex may have only had a sister for a little under a year, but she wasn't about to let CADMUS take her sister.Instead, she just let them take her.Lucy Lane finds Alex ten years later, she doesn't remember anything about her previous life, and the only reminder she has of being taken are the disfiguring scars left all over her body — Lucy thinks it's time for a family reunion.
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Eliza Danvers, Alex Danvers & Eliza Danvers & Jeremiah Danvers & Kara Danvers, Alex Danvers & J'onn J'onzz | Hank Henshaw, Alex Danvers & Jeremiah Danvers, Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers, Alex Danvers/Lucy Lane, Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Eliza Danvers/Jeremiah Danvers, Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 151
Kudos: 298





	1. CHAPTER ONE

**Author's Note:**

> _hello everyone! this is a redo of my first ever post on AO3, i now have a general idea of where this story is going and have done some changes as to who is actually in the story/how things were introduced, so on.  
>  this has been beta'd, as well as chapter two! so hopefully it will a much more pleasant experience.  
> if you like this story please leave a kudos, if you already have left a kudos then just a simple **'i like it'** in the comment section will do!  
> oh, the title is from the song **weight of it all** by **handsome ghost**  
>  shout-out to my beta **[@noreasonatall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noreasonatall/pseuds/noreasonatall)** beta-ing  
> _

**_Trapped, cold, curled up with her arms around her legs, chin on her knees, Alex stared at the metal door that kept her here but also kept them out. As long as it was closed, she wasn’t being hurt. Sometimes she loved that door._ **

**_Jerking back into her corner at the sound of the metal door unlocking, she curled tighter into herself, as if trying to sink into the walls themselves. The door let out an awful whining sound as it was shoved forward, a high-pitched squeak from the hinges causing her to flinch._ **

**_In the doorway stood a large shadow surrounded by light, and she felt terror overtake her. Shaking as the figure came closer, she winced as the figure reached down and grabbed her shoulders. For a moment she thought of fighting back, but then she remembered what happened the last time she tried._ **

**_Face to face with the shadow, she hung from the tight grip it had on her and she stared into the void of its face. Slowly, it consumed her and wrapped her in darkness. She fell into it and let it consume her, crawl over her skin, dig into the flesh and sluggishly peel it back._ **

**_She started to scream, but the darkness moved up to her mouth and forced its way down her throat, choking her scream. “Alex!” She hunted through her tears for the voice calling her as the darkness continued to peel away at her flesh. “Alex, wake up!”_ **

Eyes snapping open, Alex narrowly missed hitting Maggie in the face as she jerked upward, breathing heavy, covered in sweat and shivering. “Babe, can I touch you?” Maggie’s voice was soft as Alex’s eyes darted around the room, recognizing the bedroom she shared with her wife, feeling the soft blankets of their bed clutched in her fists, seeing the door to their bedroom cracked open and the light of the rising sun peeking in through the window. She swallowed before nodding.

“Okay, hey, I’m here.” Maggie gently scooted closer, one hand going to the back of Alex’s neck to gently stroke and the other going to lightly touch one of Alex’s fists, trying to get her to release some of the blanket with a gentle caress of her thumb.

Shaking, Alex closed her eyes and let herself feel the support Maggie was offering, but quickly snapped her eyes back open when she saw the darkness behind her eyelids.

“Hey, look at me.” Maggie nudged at Alex, who turned her head slowly to look at her. “You’re here, with me, not wherever you were before.” She moved the hand on Alex’s neck to cup her cheek, brushing at the tears there. “I’m here, you’re safe. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

After a moment of just staring into her eyes, Alex felt safe; she knew she could trust Maggie. She collapsed into her, shoving her face into her collarbone and arms wrapping around her midsection. Basking in the feeling of love and safety she felt as Maggie tightly wrapped her arms around her, Alex tried to ignore how her skin was burning still from the nightmare, how her heart clenched as she remembered the inky black void of a figure and how she had fallen directly into it.

“Talk to me.” Maggie pressed her lips to the top of Alex’s head. “Only if you want to, but you know I’m here, and I can hear the gears in your head working.”

Alex hummed before adjusting her position slightly so that she was still cuddled up with Maggie but could talk without it coming out muffled. “I think this was the worst one yet.” Alex reached up and played with the collar of Maggie’s nightshirt.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” Maggie paused watching Alex carefully. “Was it the same one?”

“More,” Alex replied, trying to remember the details. “The shadow it moved this time from the doorway, it grabbed me, but the rest is hard to explain,”

“Just do your best.” Maggie rubbed soothing circles on Alex’s back.

“I fell into it, the darkness it consumed me, and I let it.” Alex gripped the collar of Maggie’s shirt as she tried to explain, “It peeled at my skin; it forced its way into my mouth so I couldn’t scream.”

Maggie held Alex closer as she began to shake again. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me any more.” They laid there in the silence for a while, Maggie with her lips against the top of Alex’s head and her arms around her, Alex felt her wife trying to give her strength through their embrace.

“I’ve had this feeling lately,” Alex broke the silence as she calmed once more. “It’s like a pit in my stomach, and it just won’t go away. At first I thought it was because of the nightmares, but I don’t think it is.” Pulling away from Maggie, she sat up so she could look at her wife’s face. “I’m scared.”

Alex didn’t try to hide the terror she felt as she looked into Maggie’s eyes. Maggie sat up next to her and wrapped her arms around Alex’s neck. “Whatever happens it’s you and me, remember, ride or die.” As Maggie finished her promise with a kiss Alex felt like she could finally relax once more.

“I love you.” Alex smiled for the first time that morning as they parted, and she saw the feeling reflected in Maggie’s expression.

“I love you too,” Maggie replied easily. “Now c’mon, if I recall,  _ someone _ has work today while I get to laze around and watch tv, so we should really get some breakfast in you.” Maggie pecked at Alex’s lips one more time before getting out of bed.

Alex followed and desperately hoped her feeling was just that, a feeling and nothing more.

——-

The sun was setting as Lucy drove slowly through the small town, glancing at the buildings along the road as she went. She hadn’t slept in nearly two days; she refused to when she was so close to her goal. She knew it was dangerous to be driving on such a little amount of sleep, but she felt wide awake. The ungodly amount of coffee and the dangerous amount of energy drinks she’d had were helping, but even without them the buzz of finishing this search was too much — there was no way she'd fall asleep.

Spotting her destination, Lucy pulled into the parking lot of the building she needed to go into, parked and let out a shaky breath. The bar’s neon sign boasted the name SANCTUARY in bold letters above her. As she got out of the car, she couldn’t help but find it ironic the place she ended her search was named SANCTUARY.

Palms sweating, she took in the low hum of music and chatter as she got closer, pausing as she read the sign next to the door.

**_Welcome to SANCTUARY,_ **

**_LGBTQ+ friendly but please remember_ **

**_this is a safe place for everyone —_ **

**_if you cause trouble, you’ll find trouble._ **

**_Owners Maggie + Alex Sawyer_ **

Smiling, Lucy pulled the door open and was immediately enthralled by the atmosphere inside. There was a cacophony of smells, food cooking, cigarette smoke, alcohol, sweat, they all melded into one unique odor. The neon lights caused a glow throughout the room, voices meshed together as people chatted around the space.

The place was decently packed considering the small size of the town. At least every teen from the town was here, plus quite a few adults. Lucy scoured the crowd as she moved toward the bar and sat on a stool. 

“Sorry for the wait; had a bit of a spill in the kitchen.” The voice behind her was so familiar it raised the hairs on every part of Lucy’s body. “What can I get you?” Turning slowly, Lucy braced herself, but nothing could’ve prepared her for how different she looked.

It was her — there was no doubt about it — but older and covered in scars, disfigured by them, even as some of the same features lay there. Clearing her throat, Lucy tried to recover from the silence. “It’s you.” Lucy mentally smacked herself at that opening line.

“It’s me, uh, my name’s Alex, and I own this place. Nice to meet you,” Alex replied awkwardly.

“My name is Lucy Lane, and this is going to sound hard to believe, but I know you.” Lucy started leaning forward slightly. “Well, I knew you and I’m here on behalf of your biological family who have been searching for you for the past ten years.” Lucy stopped herself from continuing as a blank look overtook Alex’s face.

“Alex?” Lucy wanted to reach over the bar and touch her but didn’t even as Alex turned away from her. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. Lucy watched as Alex clenched her fists at her sides a couple times before grabbing a bottle at random from the shelf above her and chugging it.

“Alex!” Another deeper voice made Lucy whip her head to the right. An older black man wearing an apron approached Alex quickly and coaxed the bottle from her. “Alex, what happened?” He spoke gently and went to place a hand on Alex’s back, but suddenly she bolted from behind the bar and shot out the door. She was gone.

Lucy stood to follow her but that same voice that had been so soft speaking to Alex seconds ago was demanding behind her. “What did you do?”

This was turning out to be far more complicated than she intended.

——-

Alex’s skin burned against the cool night air. She wasn’t sure if it was because of the alcohol she’d just chugged, the shame of relapsing, or the fact that this random person claimed to know her — maybe it was all of it. For a moment Alex considered running away from it all, but the weight of her wedding band grounded her and reminded her that she had somewhere to run  _ to.  _ Home. __

As their house came into view Alex slowed to a stumbling jog, and when she started up the path to the front door it swung open. Maggie met her halfway with a hug, stopping her from face planting into the ground.

“Hey, shhh, it’s gonna be okay,” Maggie tried to comfort Alex as they struggled to get into the front door. “I’m so proud of you, babe.” Alex just sobbed, feeling nothing but shame for relapsing.

Once they got into the house, Maggie moved Alex to the couch, gently setting her down before running over to the front door to close and lock it. She returned to sit on the coffee table in front of Alex. “Relapses happen, we know that, but you came home, you came to me.” Maggie grabbed both of Alex’s hands in hers. “Talk to me.”

Shaking her head, Alex gripped Maggie’s hands tightly. “I was right, my feeling was right.” Trying to speak through her sobs was difficult. Maggie moved from the coffee table to wrap her arms around Alex to try and calm her some. “Someone came into Sanctuary tonight, said her name is Lucy Lane and she knew me from before,” Alex took a deep breath and exhaled shakily before continuing. “That she was here on behalf of my biological parents, that they were looking for me.”

Maggie tightened her grip on Alex as she trembled. “It’s okay, I won’t let anything happen to you. J’onn called me; he’s got that Lucy person stuck in Sanctuary.” Maggie rubbed Alex’s back. “He’s not going to let her leave unless one of us calls her. At least, he won’t let her leave without following her, which might get him in trouble.” Alex stiffened at that.

“He doesn’t have to do that.” Alex tried to pull away from Maggie but was kept in place by her firm embrace.

“He wanted to, and so far, she isn’t fighting.” Maggie kissed the side of Alex’s head. “But we don’t have to talk about that right now.” 

Alex nodded, burrowing further into Maggie’s embrace.

“Remember what I said earlier today, it’s you and me, ride or die,” Maggie assured her, and some of the tension drained from Alex at the words. “You’re stuck with me.”

——-

Lucy had faced a lot of scary things in her life. Some had even managed to make her life flash before her eyes, one of which was a grieving Kryptonian that wanted nothing more than to see her sister. But sitting across from Maggie Sawyer was causing a new type of fear she’d never experienced. She wasn’t scared for her life, but she was scared for her pride. She was sure that this woman would find a way to strip her of her dignity if things didn’t go well.

“I really didn’t mean to upset her,” Lucy tried to soothe, but that only made Maggie’s gaze harden.

“But you did.” Maggie folded her arms. “Years of sobriety down the drain because you decided to just barge into our lives.” As Maggie spoke, Lucy felt herself becoming defensive, and she folded her arms to mimic Maggie. “You claim to know Alex, her past, her biological parents — all things she was happy to forget, or at least had come to terms with not knowing.” Maggie took a deep breath.

“I understand—”

Maggie’s hands slammed down against the table “No, I don’t think you do.” Maggie paused, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. When she continued, her voice was calmer. “The person you knew, the person you were looking for, who you were expecting to find, doesn’t exist. You need to accept that.”

Lucy’s shoulders fell as realization struck her. She unfolded her arms and set her hands on the table. “I haven’t seen Alex since we were pre-teens,” Lucy said quietly. “I’m a completely different person, and I can’t imagine how different she must be, but I still care for her.” Lucy pursed her lips. “I won’t lie that I miss her, but I’m not here for just me. Her family have been looking for her as well, and I just want to give them a chance — all of them, Alex included — to try at whatever relationship they might have.”

“The authorities assumed that whatever happened to her was done by her biological parents and they told this to Alex,” Maggie held up a hand when Lucy started to interrupt. “I know you are saying otherwise, you probably even have proof, but you need to understand that Alex has no fond memories, no memories  _ at all _ before being found dumped on the side of the road.” Maggie rubbed at her eyes. “She came to terms with the fact that she didn’t have a family that wanted her, and we made our own family together.” Lucy watched Maggie’s hands go under the table with caution. “If we agree to a meeting of some sort it will be on our terms — her terms.” Maggie leveled her gaze at Lucy, staring directly into her eyes.

Lucy nodded. “That’s all I’m asking for, just a chance.” Lucy felt her heart beating quickly as hope curled in her stomach. “I won’t ask for more.”

Maggie eyed Lucy for a moment before nodding. “Then we’ll be in touch.”

——-

_ Alex stood over the pool table, sweat on her brow as she lined up her shot. The sweltering heat could be seen by the naked eye, yet she still wore jeans, long-sleeves and a leather jacket. She was used to the uncomfortable suffocating feeling of warmth, used to putting other people’s comfort above her own – that was a lie. Yes, others preferred not to see her scarred body, but she was just as uncomfortable showing it as they were seeing it. _

_ “You’re using my table.” A woman’s voice startled Alex as she made her shot, causing it to miss. _

_ Letting out a huff, she straightened out and turned to look at the person who’d just ruined her perfect game. Every thought left her mind when she met the eyes of the woman who was standing there with her hands on her hips. _

_ Beautiful — that was the first thought that came to mind. Dark brown eyes twinkling with amusement stared back at her above a dimpled smile that took away Alex’s breath. “Silent mysterious type?” The woman spoke, and Alex blinked, realizing she hadn’t spoken since turning to face her. _

_ “Alex, my name is Alex.” Reaching a hand out from where it was gripping her pool stick, Alex almost pulled it back when she realized she’d taken her gloves off, revealing the scarred skin of her hands and fingers, but before she could contemplate it for long another hand was in hers. _

_ “Maggie Sawyer. As I was saying – this is my table.” Maggie let go of the hand after a moment before nodding her head to the pool table behind Alex. It made her want to smile. _

_ “I don’t see your name on it, but I haven’t really checked all over.”  _

_ Maggie folded her arms loosely. “Well, you’re obviously new, so I’ll give you a pass, but this is my table. I use it every Friday night; Ronnie over there can tell ya.” Maggie nodded to the bartender who just nodded back to her. _

_ Alex finally let a small smile spread across her face. “Well, how about a compromise.” Alex leaned on her pool stick as she spoke. “I haven’t played with anyone in a while and you made me miss my shot, so my perfect game is ruined.” _

_ “I don’t know, maybe you’re just bad at pool.” Maggie looked Alex up and down. _

_ Alex scoffed. “Want to find out?”  _

_ Maggie grinned before grabbing her own stick. They ended up playing pool until closing, and Maggie even managed to get her out of her jacket. _

Alex sat against Maggie’s front, enjoying the skin on skin contact as they cuddled, remembering the first time they’d met years ago. She played with the fingers of Maggie’s left hand, fiddling with her wife’s wedding band.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a kiss to the side of her head and Maggie’s soft voice. “What’re you thinking about, beautiful?” 

Turning her head to look at Maggie, she sucked in a breath as she saw those dark brown eyes that she’d looked into all that time ago. “Just remembering when we first met.” Alex smiled at the memory and watched as Maggie smiled in response.

“Ah yes, some new person was using my pool table.” Maggie tickled at Alex’s side, causing her to squirm. “I think we worked out a pretty good compromise, though.”

Alex huffed as she grabbed at Maggie’s hand to stop her tickling. “Last I checked, and I did check, your name was nowhere on that table.” Alex stuck her tongue out at Maggie, who just leaned forward and sucked it into her mouth, causing Alex to let out a squeak.

When she pulled away, Maggie had an amused look in her eye. “You should know that I have no problems with your tongue, babe.” Maggie laughed as Alex flushed.

Alex squeezed at the hands she held. Still fiddling with the wedding band on Maggie’s left hand, she quietly continued “I was also thinking about how you were the first person who ever approached me and didn’t look at me like I was different.” Alex used her grip on Maggie’s hands to wrap their arms around her. “You’re the first person I let touch me.” Maggie squeezed Alex close to her and nuzzled into her neck.

“I remember seeing you when I walked in and seeing you at my pool table. I didn’t even notice your scars at first, it was like I just saw you.” Pausing, Maggie shook her head. “No, that’s not right, your scars are part of you, it was like I saw your aura or soul.” Maggie sighed. “You have never been hideous to me, even when you insisted you were and wore fifty layers in the summer heat.” Maggie snorted into Alex’s neck, tickling her a little.

Alex shrugged. “I was used to it.” She placed a kiss on Maggie’s temple.

Maggie moved her face from Alex’s neck and helped her spin around so they were face to face. Alex’s arms wrapped around Maggie’s neck, their legs were on top of each other and Maggie had her hands on Alex’s lower back to help keep her steady.

“You were used to hiding, to being told that you were ugly and you’d accepted that. Because of what other people had done to you, had said to you, you had to hide.” There was a fire in Maggie’s eyes as she spoke and she kept her gaze directly locked onto Alex’s.

They’d had this discussion multiple times before; it wasn’t a new insecurity of Alex’s. She’d seen her reflection in the hospital and seen how the scars had disfigured her. She wondered at times what she looked like before whatever happened to her, wondered if she was beautiful. But she hadn’t thought about this in years. She knew Maggie loved her — scars and all. Then Lucy Lane crashed into their lives with no care about what old wounds she would rip open. 

Alex knew Maggie loved her, but love was blind. She saw the look on Lucy’s face when she had turned around and seen her for the first time in years. She didn’t find the person she was expecting; she found a monster. Alex looked at the scarring on her arms and couldn’t help but feel like one. 

“Hey, stay here with me.” Maggie pressed firmly against Alex’s lower-back to get her attention. “You are so beautiful.” Alex rolled her eyes and Maggie huffed. “You are. I have never lied to you, and I’m not lying now. Don’t think for one second that I don’t find every inch of you beautiful, because I do and I have always thought that. I see every small part of you, and you are radiant.” Maggie paused as her jaw trembled with emotion.

Seeing Maggie overwhelmed with emotion forced the air out of Alex, and she gently played with the baby-hairs at the nape of Maggie’s neck.

“There is so much more to you than just your physical appearance,” Maggie hoarsely continued, her eyes boring into Alex’s. “The way you’ve fought for us, how you opened up to me when it was against every single instinct you had...” Maggie leaned her forehead against Alex’s. “I need you to know that I will never stop finding you beautiful, inside and out.”

They breathed each other in for a moment, Maggie letting her words sink in, and Alex taking them in.

“I love you.” Alex couldn’t think of any better way to express what she was feeling. Maggie smiled wide, her dimples showing before leaning in and kissing Alex.

“I love you too,” Maggie mumbled against Alex’s lips, and as the kiss continued, for a moment Alex felt beautiful.


	2. CHAPTER TWO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >   
> Lucy finally gets a chance to talk with Alex, and the past gets revealed.  
> J'onn hears Maggie's thoughts and talks to her about them.  
> Alex and Maggie talk about things to come.  
> 

**CHAPTER TWO**

Lucy sat across from Alex and Maggie, trying to ignore the tug at her heart as they settled into their seats. The way they unconsciously moved to accommodate one another but still stayed within the other’s space spoke of a comfortability that she and Alex hadn’t reached in their awkward pre-teens. Lucy shoved the jealousy that rose like bile in her throat down. She should just be grateful she had found Alex after searching for so long. That they were even giving her a chance after that disastrous first impression.

She examined their positions as they settled, sitting with their chairs pressed as close to each other as possible. Maggie slung an arm up around Alex’s hunched shoulders, her hand fisting in the collar of Alex’s flannel as if to ground her. Alex curled toward Maggie, her hand under the table assumedly with Maggie’s in their laps somewhere, her other hand on the table between them clenched into a fist — defensive and protective but still there.

“I’m guessing you guys want to start with proof,” Lucy broke the silence before anyone could back out as she noticed Alex getting skittish and Maggie leaving things up to her.

It was almost uncomfortable watching this person with some of Alex’s features, but most of them wiped away by extreme scarring and deformation. Still, Lucy saw her best friend there and couldn’t help but find her beautiful even after all these years. When she received a nod from Alex, she reached down to her canvas bag and pulled out a folder but paused when Alex let out a noise.

“Just, not, um.” Stuttering, Alex scratched at her neck. “I don’t want to get overwhelmed or anything, so maybe just some basic stuff, not a lot.” Maggie was looking at Alex with pride as she asked for what she wanted, and Lucy once more had to swallow down her jealousy as she nodded.

Opening the folder, she pulled out a copy of Alex’s birth certificate and placed it in front of the other two women. “That’s a copy of your birth certificate. I also have a family photo taken about three months before you were taken.” Lucy watched as Alex slid the paper closer and looked at it.

“You’re older than we thought.” Maggie nudged at Alex, who nudged her back. “Guess I gotta take back that cougar shirt I bought,” Maggie lamented. Alex snorted.

“That picture, it has my parents in it?” Alex asked quietly.

Lucy nodded. “Yeah, and your adopted sister.”

After a moment of Alex staring down at the copy of her birth certificate, she turned her gaze to Lucy. “I want to see it.”

Lucy pulled out her copy of the family photo and placed it in the middle of the table facing the other women. In the photo was a pre-teen Alex, next to a young blonde. Behind them were a man and woman, their hands on each child’s shoulder, and they were all smiling at the camera. “That’s Dr. Jeremiah Danvers, Dr. Eliza Danvers, and Kara.” Lucy pointed to each person as she spoke.

Lucy watched as Alex stared down at the photo. She looked unsettled as her gaze flicked from figure to figure. She stopped on Kara with a quick inhale through her nose.

Lucy knew how haunted Kara looked even before Alex disappeared. She’d stared at that photo herself in a similar manner. It wasn’t something you ever got used to.

Maggie watched Alex do all of this and softly spoke to her. “Babe?” Alex’s fingers stopped mid-trace and then she pulled her hand back.

“Yeah, I just.” She squinted at the photo before shaking her head. “I don’t remember anything.”

Lucy shrugged. “I didn’t think you would.” She knew whatever had caused Alex’s amnesia was either entirely psychological or implemented by CADMUS. Neither option was going to be solved by a single picture. Leaning back in her chair, Lucy continued. “Where would you like me to start? I'll tell you as much as I can, but some of it is classified and some of it only your family can really tell.”

“What, so we’ll have to sign NDAs or something?” Maggie raised a brow at Lucy.

“Well, yeah, actually.” Lucy shrugged. “It’s not great, I know, sorry.”

Alex and Maggie looked at each other for a moment, having a silent conversation. “Alright, just start at the beginning and tell what you can.” Alex let out a breath, turning back to look at Lucy.

Lucy shifted in her seat before starting. “You were born in Midvale, were raised there by your parents, both of whom are brilliant scientists who’ve helped a lot of people, including your adoptive sister Kara.” Lucy paused for a moment to think about how to continue. “Kara was brought to your parents by her cousin. He’s the only family she has left anywhere, but he couldn’t take care of her, I guess, and your parents agreed to take her in.” Lucy was trying hard not to let her bias against Clark show, but she didn’t kiss the ground he walked on like most people. In fact she often wanted to kick his ass for leaving Kara like he did. “Kara didn’t even speak any English at the time; he just dumped her with a bunch of strangers, and I can count on one hand the amount of times he visited her in the past ten years.” Lucy rubbed at her face with both hands, trying to stop herself from ranting to Alex like she used to.

She leaned forward and pointed at Kara in the picture. “It’s why she looks like that. You can tell.” Lucy looked at the two women. “I know you can tell; her eyes are sad.” Lucy smiled softly. “It was hard for you two at first, since she didn’t know English or pretty much anything, but eventually you taught her a lot. It made you grow closer, and by the end you were best friends, like real sisters.” Lucy smiled as she got lost in the past for a moment before snapping back to the present. “More details require the NDAs and your family.”

“What about when I was taken, or why I was taken and by who?” Alex demanded.

“Classified,” Lucy blurted it out, then grimaced at the looks she received. “Look, it’s a lot, and it is classified. I can tell you that you were taken by a group of people who actually wanted Kara.” Lucy folded her arms as she spoke. “With her being the last of her family she was valuable to some very bad people. Your parents knew about the dangers when they took her in, and so did you,”

Lucy turned her head to look out one of the windows, looking at the trees as they ruffled with the wind. “Kara was devastated when they took you and blames herself to this day for what happened. She lost hope of finding you alive, has your death on her conscience even though it wasn’t even her fault.” When Alex took comfort in Maggie’s arms, Lucy watched from the corner of her eye as she continued to stare out the window, and she had to ignore the voice in the back of her head saying it should be her comforting Alex.

Clearing her throat, she turned her head back to face the women. “I haven’t told anyone that I’ve found you,” Lucy wanted to make clear. “I have a few reasons why – wanting to make sure it was really you was a big one, but also after my terrible first impression,” — Lucy cringed at the memory — “I wanted to make sure you even want to meet them. They’ve had enough false hope, and I didn’t want to give them anymore,” Lucy quickly added. “This isn’t a guilt-trip or anything; just figured I’d better be completely honest.”

Silence fell over them as the information sunk in. Lucy watched as Alex yanked her shaking hand under the table. The atmosphere was stifling.

“Thank you for meeting us, Ms. Lane,” Maggie said firmly, her eyes directly on Lucy. “But I think we need to discuss this more, just us.”

Lucy nodded, slung her bag over her shoulder, stood and started to walk away but was stopped by Alex’s voice.

“Wait, what was I to you?” Alex took a shuddering breath. “You never said what I was to you.”

Lucy tensed, steeling herself as she turned around to face them. “We were best friends,” Lucy smiled wryly, meeting Alex’s gaze. “You were also my first everything.” Lucy turned back around and walked away.

——-

J’onn watched Maggie from behind the bar. She was wiping furious circles on the table she was cleaning with a look of concentration on her face. J’onn never meant to pry into people's minds, but sometimes he didn’t even have to try to read a mind; instead it screamed at him, and it worried him when Maggie thought so loudly. 

Putting the glass he had been drying down, he took a deep breath. They were cleaning after a successful night and were nearly finished, so he had to act now, or he wouldn’t get to speak to her until their next shift together. “Maggie, can we speak for a moment?” He spoke calmly, his stance relaxed as she turned around from the sparkling clean table.

“Yeah, of course.” She put the rag on her shoulder where it stayed most shifts and walked over to the bar, leaning against the top to look at J’onn. “What’s up?”

Once J’onn had opened up about his alien identity, they’d been nothing but honest with each other. Honesty became like air between the three of them, and when one of them was troubled he never hid how loud their thoughts were, but this was a very sensitive issue, and J’onn could feel it like pinpricks at his temple.

Smiling softly at her, he tried to approach the subject. “You know I never mean to pry, but you are thinking quite loudly.” He stopped when Maggie’s shoulders slumped and her head tilted downward, eyes no longer meeting his. “Maggie, it’s alright, you can’t control it and neither can I.” He reached over and placed his hands over hers.

“But you can hear what I’m thinking.” A look of self-disgust filled Maggie’s face as she looked back up at J’onn. “I’m being…” She couldn’t find the right word and J’onn squeezed her hands.

“Human, you’re being human.” Looking into Maggie’s eyes, he tried to get through to her. “Emotions and faults are human. You can’t be strong for Alex all the time.” Before J’onn could continue, Maggie snatched her hands from underneath his.

“I should be. She’s been through so much, and all I have to do is be there for her.” Turning her back to J’onn and folding her arms, Maggie continued on her path of self-hatred. “Instead, I’m being insecure and jealous.” Maggie sucked in a breath as she remembered what had happened earlier that day — _‘You were also my first everything’_ — before shaking it off. “Jealous of something she can’t even remember.”

“You are allowed to be weak.” It came out firmly, firmer than J’onn had intended it to, but after hearing the malice Maggie had aimed toward herself J’onn couldn’t hold back. “Everyone is allowed to be weak, there is no shame in it, you and Alex taught me this.” Pausing for a moment, J’onn limped out from behind the bar to stand beside Maggie and place a hand on her shoulder. “You aren’t alone either, Maggie. You have so many people who care about you, and that includes Alex.”

Maggie leaned into J’onn lightly, laying her head on his chest and allowing him to wrap his arm around her shoulder.

“I’m scared.” Maggie’s voice was strangled and wet. “But so is Alex, and I’m not sure what to do.”

“It’s okay to be scared,” J’onn soothed. “But you know Alex loves you.” Receiving a nod against his chest J’onn continued. “Hold onto that and talk to her, because I know you love her, and if she was this upset, wouldn’t you want her to come to you?” J’onn chuckled as Maggie scoffed as if her answer was obvious. “So, lean on each other, and when that isn’t enough, remember you have other people to help you. You aren’t alone — not anymore.” J’onn took a deep breath as Maggie turned, buried her face in his chest, and wrapped her arms around him. “You have a family.” He placed a gentle kiss on top of her head and let her cry silently into her chest.

——-

Alex stood staring out the window, her hands wet and dripping as they hung just above the soapy water that sat in the kitchen sink. Her gaze was locked on the stars sparkling in the sky. It was one of her favorite things about living in a small town with Maggie; when they considered for a moment moving into the city, Alex had worried about losing the stars.

The stars had always been there for Alex, from the first moment she opened her eyes on the side of the road. From then on, she took comfort in them.

So, as she stood staring lost in thought, she tried to take comfort in the stars once more. She hadn’t had to take comfort in the stars in a very long time, not since before meeting Maggie. Her wife had always been there for her. But she wasn’t here tonight for Alex, not because she didn’t want to be, but because they couldn’t keep Sanctuary closed forever. They made enough to get by, but only on the daily work schedule they maintained, which meant barely any time off.

Alex blinked, coming back to reality. She finished washing the dishes in the sink before drying her hands on the towel that was laying on the counter. She walked over to the table where the birth certificate and picture Lucy had given them earlier were laying. She sat down in one of the chairs heavily, lips pressed in a thin line as she pulled the photo close to her.

She stared down at the blonde in the picture. “Kara,” she said slowly, trying the name on her tongue. It still felt foreign, but the longer she stared at the sad, blue eyes the more uneasy she felt. Changing her gaze to the adults in the picture made her catch her breath, anxiety spiking at the idea of meeting them, even though she knew now that they hadn’t been the ones to mutilate her beyond recognition.

Moving her gaze to her younger and unblemished face staring back at her, she frowned. She wasn’t what her parents remembered, in appearance or personality, and Alex couldn’t help but wonder if they would be disappointed in her.

Knowing she wasn’t going to be able to sleep with Maggie gone and these thoughts plaguing her, Alex moved to their small living room. Sitting on the couch, she realized she’d have to make a decision soon about her family — it was time to really think about it.

——-

The sun was rising and Alex hadn’t moved when Maggie got home.

It was a well known fact that Alex couldn’t sleep without Maggie next to her, so it was no surprise to Alex when she heard her wife call out, “Hey babe.” Alex stood and moved to kiss her in greeting, Maggie leaning in gratefully as Alex wrapped her arms around her.

“Hey, you okay?” Alex frowned at how tense Maggie was, realizing something had most likely happened at Sanctuary while she wasn’t there.

“I’ve just been feeling some stuff,” Maggie mumbled against Alex’s neck, sounding exhausted. “Can we talk about it?”

Alex kissed the top of Maggie’s head before nodding. “Of course. You know I’m here for you no matter what.” Alex then grinned as she got an idea. Reaching down, she picked Maggie up bridal-style, provoking a shriek followed by laughter.

It wasn’t far to the bedroom, so less than a minute later Alex dropped Maggie directly onto their bed, making her bounce lightly as she continued to giggle. Alex smiled lovingly, reaching down to take off Maggie’s shoes and socks, rubbing at her feet lightly. Maggie sighed. “My hero.” Maggie nudged at Alex’s shoulders after a couple of minutes of letting the foot-rub continue. “Okay, I have the rest. Can you get me something to sleep in?”

Alex nodded and turned to the dresser, pulling out some fresh socks and a large shirt for her. Alex brought them over for her wife. “Thanks babe.” Maggie grinned as she started pulling on the socks but noticed Alex staring at her naked torso and smirked. “Focus, you can play with them later.” Maggie pulled on the large shirt Alex had gotten her and laughed at the pout on Alex’s face.

Alex got undressed herself, stripping to her briefs and socks before pulling on a tank-top. Moving to the window, she closed the blackout curtains so they wouldn’t be woken up by the sun later, and Maggie turned on the bedside table lamp.

Maggie sat cross-legged as Alex settled under the covers against the headboard. “Okay, what did you want to talk about?” Alex gave her full attention to her wife, reaching out to grab one of Maggie’s hands and interlock their fingers. “Ride or die remember?” Alex smiled at Maggie, who looked up from their intertwined fingers, wetness in her eyes.

“Just, let me get all of this out, okay?” Her voice cracked, and immediately Alex wanted to show her support but didn't want to interrupt, so she moved from the headboard and into Maggie’s lap, separating their joined hands to wrap her arms around Maggie’s neck. She gently stroked the back of Maggie’s neck as she waited for her to continue. “You’re going through a lot right now, and I want so much to be strong for you.” Maggie breathed in a shuddering breath. “But we’re always honest with each other and I don’t want to stop being honest, so I’m going to tell you how I’m feeling, all I’m feeling.”

Maggie’s brow furrowed, and she let out a wet laugh. “I’m feeling a lot actually. It’s a little hard to describe.” She sighed. “I’m scared, and I know you feel scared too.” Alex nodded in acknowledgement. “Things are going to change. I’m terrified of what they might mean for the future, for our future. We’ve been so happy, and I don’t want that to change, but I don’t want to be selfish either.” Alex started to open her mouth but Maggie put a hand up against her mouth.

“Let me finish,” Alex kissed the hand against her mouth and nodded, making Maggie smile.

“I feel so ashamed because I’m jealous.” Tears started to fall from Maggie’s eyes as she spoke. “I’m jealous that you have a family that wants you, that you have a chance with them because they want you, and I feel like a terrible wife because for a split second I wanted you to keep thinking you had no one but me.” Letting out a sob Maggie continues. “My family doesn’t want me; I’m never going to get this chance.”

Alex didn’t know if Maggie was finished, but she couldn’t let her wife keep suffering. “Hey, I want you and I’m always going to want you, that’s never going to change.” Cupping Maggie’s face, Alex gazed directly into Maggie’s eyes. “These people may biologically be my family, they might have been looking for me, but they didn’t find me.” Alex wiped away at the tears on Maggie’s cheeks. “You found me, no matter what happens with them, and no matter what I might end up feeling, you are always going to be my home.” Alex pulled Maggie into a tight hug, and Maggie nuzzled into Alex’s neck.

“I don’t want you to feel ashamed or to beat yourself up anymore. Some of our first bonding was over shitty families, but even if I manage to connect with these people and gain some sort of family, it’s not just going to be mine.” Alex held Maggie tighter. “They probably expected to find one daughter, but they are getting two, and if they can’t accept that, then they can go fuck themselves,” Alex finished firmly, and Maggie finally wrapped her own arms around Alex, gripping the back of her tank tightly in her fists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >   
> _another shout-out to ****_ **[@noreasonatall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noreasonatall/pseuds/noreasonatall)** for beta-ing  
>  _leave a kudos + comment if you are enjoying the story!_  
>   
> 


	3. CHAPTER THREE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > Kara finally lets someone into her life after years of distancing herself from everyone she's ever known.  
> Then Lucy calls.

**CHAPTER THREE**

Kara grimaced as the bell above the café door rang. Noise, all the time. It was barely five minutes past opening and already — noise. Even so, Kara knew who her first customer of the day was: Lena Luthor. At first she had been wary of the Luthor, biased because of her last name, but she got over that after almost three years of seeing her every morning.

“Good morning, Kara,” Lena said softly, knowing that Kara had an intense hatred of loud noises. Even soft noises in group settings tended to make her anxious.

“It  _ is _ morning...” Kara grunted as she lifted a pan of fresh pastries from the oven.

“You should really try to remember oven mitts,” Lena said as she watched Kara carry the hot pan over to the counter with bare hands, a small smile on her face. “Not everyone is as… tolerant as I am.”

Kara rolled her eyes as she walked to the register where Lena stood. “That’s ironic given your last name.” Kara’s lips twitched and Lena let out a chuckle. “Your usual?”

“Of course, when have I ever ordered anything different?” Lena raised a brow at Kara who shrugged. “Seriously though, Kara, try to be more careful.”

“I knew it was you,” Kara mumbled as she rang up Lena’s total before grabbing the woman’s coffee and fresh pastry. “You’d also be surprised how unobservant most people are.”

“That’s really not surprising at all.” Lena handed Kara a hundred-dollar bill before grabbing the items. “Keep the change.”

Kara blanched at the amount of money she was given but kept the change anyway. She could hear her next usual customer two blocks away and pressed her lips into a thin line. Lena always left once someone else showed up.

“Are you ever going to take me up on my offer?” Lena asked after taking a sip of her coffee.

“Which one?” Kara replied, beginning to move the cooling pastries to the display rack.

“Any of them.” Lena smiled, watching Kara work. “Lunch, dinner, a job,” Lena listed off some of her many offers.

Kara paused in her movement of pastries to glance up at Lena. “I keep telling you, I’m fine where I am,” Kara said fondly. “I appreciate the offers, though.”

“Okay, but that’s about the job; what about lunch or dinner?” Lena raised a brow.

Letting out a breath, Kara tried to find a reasonable excuse to give and managed to think of several. However, as she examined Lena’s expression, she saw the same loneliness she felt inside. “I haven’t kept anyone company in a long time,” Kara tried to give Lena a way out of the offer, but Lena just continued to watch her work. “But I suppose dinner would be nice.”

Straightening from her bent position, Kara watched a small smile spread onto Lena’s lips. “Great, would tonight work?” Lena asked.

“Um, yeah, I don’t really have plans after work.” Kara shrugged. “I can just meet you at L-Corp and we can go from there?” Kara questioned.

“You know where L-Corp is?” Lena looked a bit shocked, and Kara chuckled.

“The big building with the L on it?” Kara smirked. “Yeah, it’s hard to miss.”

“Right, of course, that’s fine.” Lena cleared her throat, blushing a bit. “Tonight, then. I’ll try to finish work a bit early — how does six sound?”

Kara nodded. “See you then,” she promised.

Watching as Lena turned and left, Kara let out an uneasy sigh. She’d have to postpone her nightly activities, but it’s not like she slept anyway.

—

“That isn’t— That’s not how you...” Kara tried not to laugh as Lena attempted to eat the chili-cheese dog in front of her. “We don’t have to eat here,” Kara offered.

Lena gave her a pointed look. “I told you we could go wherever you wanted.” Lena set the mess of food down in front of her. “Though I will admit I’d feel much more comfortable with a fork and knife.”

Kara chuckled, looking over at the food stall they got their meal from. “I’ll ask if they have any plastic cutlery.” Kara stood up and walked over to the stall with a smile on her face. She hadn’t expected to enjoy her time with Lena as much as she was. It was nice.

Kara frowned as she approached the food stall and found it empty. Pulling her glasses down, she peered through the thin walls. There was no one inside or behind it either. Then she heard it — a gunshot — and before she could think, she was reacting.

Moving faster than any human possibly could, Kara wrapped herself around Lena just before the bullet would’ve reached her head. It ripped through Kara’s jacket and shirt but bounced off her back, landing on the ground useless.

Lena was stiff in her arms, and Kara stayed there for a moment as her shield, listening for another shot or any indication of what would come next. Trying desperately to focus on where the sound had come from, Kara heard what sounded like another language and something mechanical being pulled apart. A gun.

“What’s happening?” Lena’s voice shook as she spoke to Kara, but Kara didn’t have time to respond, not if she wanted to catch whoever just shot at her friend.

But she didn’t want to leave Lena alone, unguarded and out in the open. So she quickly scooped up Lena, who sucked in a breath at the change, and ran toward the noises. Kara wasn’t thinking much past stopping the shooter from escaping, so she set Lena down outside the building into which the shooter had run and didn’t try to hold back her strength as she kicked the door in.

The door flew off the hinges, and Kara was briefly aware of two things: one, Lena sucking in a breath at the inhuman show of strength, and two, bullets flying at her. The damage to her clothes was mildly irritating since she had put on something decent to see Lena. As the bullets fell to the ground she approached the shooter, clad in all black and wearing a mask, grabbed the pistol from their hand and crushed it before dropping it to the ground.

“Qu’est ce que tu es?” The shooter sputtered and stumbled back, almost falling to the floor. Kara grabbed them by the throat, stopping their fall.

There was a moment during which Kara saw nothing but the image of what would have happened if she had been too late: Lena lying on the table, a hole in her head and blood pooling around her. She tightened her grip on the shooter’s neck.

“Wait!” Lena’s voice came from the doorway as she carefully stepped in, avoiding the debris as she came closer. “I need to know who sent them; I need them alive.” Lena placed a hand on Kara’s shoulder and gently squeezed. “Please, let them go, it’s okay.”

Kara listened to the shooter choking, felt the fragility of their neck, the pounding of their pulse against her fingertips, and for a moment considered just closing her hand a little tighter. Instead, she let them go and watched as they fell to the ground, gasping for breath. “Where should I take them?” Kara’s voice was lifeless as she spoke.

“Just keep an eye on them. I’ll call my people about this.” Lena gave Kara’s shoulder one last squeeze before turning and pulling her phone out of her coat pocket, pausing she looked back at Kara. “Thank you, Kara.”

—

Lena stared at the various newspapers she’d had Jess send to her apartment. Normally she only did this when it involved the Luthor name, and while she had nearly died yesterday, she wasn’t interested in whatever story was on the front-page this morning.

No, she was looking at older papers, some even going back several years. Lena knew her friend Kara wasn’t from Earth; she had guessed that after the second time seeing her touch something scalding hot with no protection whatsoever and not getting burned. Now, though, she knew a bit more about her friend’s abilities, and it was clear that Kara wasn’t just some café worker.

**National City has a Nighttime Crusader**

**Woman Saved by the Nighttime Crusader**

**Gruesome Scene Left by the Nighttime Crusader**

**Human Traffickers Massacred by the Nighttime Crusader — All Victims Found Alive**

**Rapist Found in Pieces; Work of the Nighttime Crusader?**

Story after story, someone with inhuman capabilities striking at the crime within the city, but only at night and never fully seen. They also never stuck around for authorities to show up. Sometimes they never even bothered to alert the authorities to what was happening, just left behind a bloody scene.

Lena stared at the papers on her coffee table. Could quiet Kara be holding in this much power? This much rage? Well, Lena had never backed down from a problem before, and Kara herself had said they were friends. It was time for a conversation.

—

When Kara opened her apartment door, she didn’t expect to find Lena there. She hadn’t expected to see Lena ever again, if she was being honest. So they both stood there awkwardly for a moment before Kara remembered how to speak.

“Lena! Um, what’re you doing here?” Kara asked.

“I wanted to talk to you, and apparently you’ve taken a few days off of work, which has never happened before, so here I am.” Lena looked out of place in the rundown building, and Kara smiled.

“I didn’t think you’d want to see me again.” Kara shrugged but moved out of the way for Lena to come in.

“Why on Earth would you think that?” Lena asked, looking around the small apartment. “You saved my life and you helped me prove that Lex is still managing to contact people even while in prison.”

Kara turned to look at Lena after closing and locking the door. “I’m, uh, I’m glad to have been helpful.” Kara gestured to the ratty couch and sat down.

Lena sat down next to her, and Kara felt her gaze looking her over. “If I’m being completely honest — and I want to be —” Lena pulled out a newspaper from her bag and laid it in Kara’s lap. “I wanted to see if I was correct in my hypothesis.” She tapped at the headline. “You’re the Nighttime Crusader.”

Kara blanched at the name, she looked down at the headline and sighed, grabbing the paper and tossing it away. “Since we’re being honest...” Kara folded her arms and leaned back into the couch. “I am. And for the record, I hate that name.”

Lena smiled. “Good to know.” Lena bit her lip and Kara could tell she had a million more questions.

“It’s alright, go ahead, ask.” Kara waved a hand in the air and smirked as Lena’s face lit up.

“I have so many questions.” Lena seemed to be overflowing with excitement as she spoke, leaning forward toward Kara. “What exactly are your abilities? You are an alien, correct? Or are you some sort of superhuman? How strong are you? Are you invulnerable to all weapons, or is it just bullets?” Kara held up a hand to stop Lena from continuing.

“I’m an alien.” Kara held up a finger and began ticking off each question as she answered. “I’m really, really strong. Nothing really injures me.” Kara wondered if she should be completely honest and decided she had no reason not to trust Lena. “Actually, that’s not true; there’s a rock that injures me — you probably know about it, it’s called kryptonite.” Kara watched Lena’s face as she realized what Kara truly was.

“You’re Kryptonian?” Lena breathed out.

“Yeah, turns out Superman isn’t the last of his kind after all.” Shrugging, Kara tried not to sound bitter as she spoke of Kal-El.

“I don’t understand.” Lena’s brow furrowed and she looked down at her hands. “Why are you trusting me with this? I’m a Luthor.”

Kara narrowed her eyes. “I’ve served you coffee and breakfast every day for almost over three years, and you’ve also known I wasn’t normal for almost that long.” Kara nudged Lena’s leg with her own, trying to get her gaze back up. “You obviously aren’t like your family; you heard my opinions on your alien detection device and decided to take it off the market.” Lena’s gaze shot up to meet Kara’s at that. “Yeah, I keep up with what you are doing. Like the new medical technology for aliens?” Kara smiled at Lena. “You keep proving that you are nothing like your family. I have no reason not to trust you.”

Kara wondered for a moment if she had said something wrong when Lena turned away, but then she heard a sniffle and realized Lena was trying to stop herself from crying. “You don’t know how much that means to me.,” Lena said, voice strangled.

“You’ve done all this yourself; the fact people can’t see past your last name is on them.” Kara shrugged, she was about to reach forward and grab Lena’s hand when her cell started ringing, making Kara’s brows raise. No one ever called her.

“You should get that.” Lena said, discreetly wiping under her eyes, and while Kara wanted to reach out to her, she knew there were only so many people who had her cell number.

“Yeah, just give me a second.” Kara stood up and walked to where her phone was laying on the nightstand plugged in.

Unplugging it, she looked at the caller ID showing Lucy Lane and answered it. “What’s up?” Kara asked, keeping her back to Lena as she spoke. It was hard to get any privacy in a tiny one room apartment. She considered going into the bathroom, but she knew you could hear through the thin walls anyway.

“Hey, so don’t crush your phone or anything,” Lucy warned quickly, and Kara’s heartbeat picked up. “But I did it, Kara, I found her — I found Alex.”

Kara felt her phone turn to dust in her hand. Her ears were ringing, and her mouth felt like a desert. Faintly, she could hear someone calling her name, but she couldn’t tell who it was, she couldn’t tell anything right now. Unclenching her hand from its fist by her ear, she brought it down to match the other at waist level in front of her and stared at them.

They were her hands, weren’t they? They felt distant, even as she clenched them once more.

“Kara?”

That voice once more, but this time louder, much louder — no, it was closer. Slowly, Kara turned around, her eyes still on her fists. Another pair of hands entered her line of sight and softly laid on top of her fists, the thumbs stroking the skin they found. It was nice.

“Kara, darling, I don’t know if you can hear me right now, but I’m here.” It was such a nice voice speaking to her. “It’s Lena, and I’m not going to leave you, okay?”

Oh, that’s right. It was Lena; she was here. Lena had come over to talk about her nighttime activities.

“Hey, whatever just happened is going to be okay. I’m going to be here for you, no matter what.”

Kara noticed then her clenched hands were shaking, and she looked up from where their hands were to Lena, who was staring at her with concern covering her face. Things began to come back into focus, and Kara sucked in a breath, slowly unclenching her hands.

Kara mechanically sat down on the bed next to them, and Lena followed her lead, sitting as well. “Krypton was destroyed when I was thirteen.” Kara started speaking in a calm voice. “I was sent to look after my cousin, Kal-El, or you know him as Superman, but my pod got knocked off course and I was stuck in a place called the Phantom Zone for twenty-four years.” Kara felt as Lena gripped her hands and looked at her.

“When I arrived on Earth he was an adult; he didn’t need me.” Swallowing around the lump in her throat Kara struggled to continue. “So, he found a human family to take care of me, and he left me with them.”

Lena saw Kara struggling to continue and shook her head. “You don’t have to tell me.”

But Kara ignored her and pressed on. “They were the Danvers, and they were great to me. They had a daughter named Alex. She took a bit to warm up to me, but eventually she became my fiercest protector.” Kara closed her eyes to try and keep her tears in. “A year after I came into their lives, a group of people came and told the Danvers that they knew about the thing they were hiding.” Kara clenched her jaw. “There was some sort of ultimatum given but Jeremiah, the dad, he managed to buy some time or something. He was going to try and reach Superman to come take me and Alex away.”

Kara reopened her eyes and met Lena’s gaze with her own.

“But Alex overhead everything, I guess, and didn’t want to take the chance on them getting me, so she took the robes I arrived in and ran off.” Kara’s face twisted with anger. “I guess the thugs weren’t given a proper description of which child was an alien and which was human, but either way, by the time my cousin finally showed they had taken Alex.”

They sat in a heavy quiet for a moment before Lena asked. “How long ago was this?”

“Ten years ago.” Kara stood suddenly, running a hand through her hair as she began to pace. “That phone call was someone we grew up with, Lucy Lane. She and Alex were best friends growing up. Lucy took it really hard when Alex was taken.” Kara continued her pacing, hands wringing together. “Lucy’s dedicated her life to finding Alex.” Kara finally stopped in the middle of the room. “I thought it was just another false lead or something she was calling about, but she — she found her, she found Alex.”

Kara heard Lena stand and approach her. “Hey, I said I would be here for you, whatever this was, and I meant that.” Kara jumped at the feeling of Lena’s hand on her lower back. She wasn’t used to being touched, but the more Lena touched her, the more she liked it. “What do you need?”

Kara thought for a moment. “A new phone.” Kara chuckled as she rubbed her forehead. “I need to call her back.”

—

Lena hated almost everything about Kara’s apartment. Nothing about it was comfortable, but as she sat on one of the chairs next to the couch and watched over Kara as she slept, she couldn’t bring herself to care that her back was aching from how horrendously the chair was built. Instead, she could only think about how for the first time in nearly a full day, Kara looked relaxed.

Kara had finally managed to get a phone earlier, though when Lena insisted on buying it, there was a bit of an argument. Then, after the conversation with Lucy ended, Kara had panicked about how she was going to afford this visit.

_ “Lena, I don’t even own a suitcase!” Kara cried out. _

_ “Darling, we can go buy one right now. It’s okay.” Lena tried to comfort Kara. _

_ “But I don’t even have the money for one!” Lena simply raised a brow at Kara, who narrowed her eyes in return. “No, Lena, stop it!” _

Lena had ended up buying Kara an entire set of suitcases, which were now packed and waiting by the door. She also bought Kara’s plane ticket, but Kara hadn’t found out about that yet.

As she sat working on her laptop, she couldn’t help but remember one of their conversations from earlier.

_ “No one is going to take that ice-cream from you; you don’t have to eat it so quickly.” Lena watched Kara lick at her ice-cream cone as if her life depended on it. They were taking a break from shopping, and Lena had realized that her friend hadn’t eaten since their interrupted dinner the previous night, so she offered to buy ice-cream. _

_ “It’s just really good,” Kara grumbled but slowed her eating. _

_ Lena sipped on her small milkshake for a moment, trying to get up the courage to ask what she wanted. “I have a question about your sister. Well, the details about when she was taken.” Lena watched Kara pause for a moment before she nodded at Lena to continue. “You said a group of people took her; do you know who?” _

_ Kara stopped eating her ice-cream, staring at it while it started to melt. “They were a group called CADMUS.” Kara murmured before standing. “I’m not hungry anymore, c’mon.” _

Lena shuddered at the memory of Kara’s eyes from their conversation earlier when she mentioned CADMUS, how they had filled with such rage. But that wasn’t what she wanted to focus on. For some reason Lena recognized the name CADMUS, and she wanted to know why she knew it. So, she sat awake, keeping an eye on Kara as she dug into the records left by her brother. She would find out what CADMUS was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >   
> _another shout-out to ****_ **[@noreasonatall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noreasonatall/pseuds/noreasonatall)** for beta-ing  
>  _leave a kudos + comment if you are enjoying the story!_  
>  ** _p.s. i used google translate + a website called reverso for the one sentence in another language - if it's wrong lemme know in the comments what the correct way to spell it out is and i will change it.  
> _**  
> 


	4. CHAPTER FOUR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > Alex sets some boundaries and Lucy starts to realize that things aren't going the way she expected. 
>> 
>> Later, Lucy meets the Danvers at the airport.

**CHAPTER FOUR**

_ “But I did it Kara, I found her — I found Alex.”  _ Lucy winced at the sudden dial-tone in her ear. She hadn’t honestly expected Kara to listen to her advice about crushing her phone, but still, she had hoped to get out more than just one sentence. Setting her phone down on the table in front of her, Lucy rubbed her eyes. She might’ve gotten to sleep last night, but that didn’t mean she was well rested.

She’d already called Jeremiah and Eliza; she’d told them the situation and that Alex wanted to meet them but there were conditions. They’d agreed, of course, but that phone call wasn’t easy. Calling them never was. The bustle of the diner around her wasn’t helping the start of a headache thumping at the back of her head. But she needed coffee, and the single hotel in town didn’t have a working machine.

“Long night?”

Lucy jumped at the voice and looked up to see Alex standing across from her. This wasn’t what she expected from her morning at all, and as Alex slid into the booth opposite of her, she tried to form a coherent response.

“Uh, just a bit of a headache.” Lucy gestured toward her head before reaching for the now-cold cup of coffee, taking a sip she tried to hide the grimace at how cold it was. “Where’s your better half?” Lucy tried not to sound bitter as she set her drink back down.

Alex looked over her shoulder. “Talking to some friends of ours.” Alex gestured to Maggie’s figure in the distance standing next to a table of people. “I told her that I wanted to talk to you for a minute.”

Lucy raised a brow at that and put her hands together on top of the table. “What’s up?” Lucy watched Alex warily.

Alex’s eyes looked Lucy up and down, searching for something and making Lucy uncomfortable. Eventually Alex let out a heavy, tired breath. “I don’t know what we used to be, or what you expected to find when you got here.” Lucy wanted to interrupt but kept silent as Alex pressed on. “But I need to be very clear about something with you, and I don’t mean for this to hurt you because I can tell that you never moved on from whatever firsts you were talking about before.”

Lucy felt a protest bubble up inside her, but as she sat here with Alex her heart sped up and she was vaguely reminded of when they were kids. Her emotions had truly never dimmed for Alex.

“I need you to understand that I’m not trying to be cruel to you or any of the people from this life I used to have.” Lucy felt the blow of Alex’s words, even though she could tell Alex was trying to be gentle. “But I don’t remember any of you. Whatever feelings might have been there, whatever relationships we had, don’t exist for me, and my number one priority isn’t some past that I don’t remember or potential relationships with people I don’t even know.”

Lucy nodded, hoping Alex was done, but there was more to say.

“I built my own family here, and nothing is going to come between me and my family.” Lucy understood why Alex was being so firm in her boundaries, but that didn’t make it any less painful. None of this was painless for Lucy. The past ten years had been nothing but painful, and Lucy was only just now realizing that the relief she had been expecting once she found Alex wasn’t going to come. She hadn’t realized she was staring at Alex’s wedding band until it was quiet for a minute.

Eyes jerking back up to Alex’s face, Lucy swallowed against the dryness in her mouth. “Right, yeah, understood.” Lucy hated how her voice sounded so hoarse and weak. But staring at Alex’s face and the pity she thought she saw there was somehow worse than hearing Alex so easily dismiss her. “I have more calls to make.” It was a blatant lie, she’d made all the calls she needed to, but as she hurriedly walked away from Alex, she knew that she was on the verge of breaking.

Lucy was not about to break in front of this Alex.

Somehow she managed to make it to her hotel room, only just managing to ignore what had just happened — not the boundary Alex had just put up, not that, never that. Lucy had always stuck to every boundary Alex had always put up —  _ “Why do you want to hold my hand in public, we aren’t even girlfriends.” _

No, it was that look on her face, that pity. Lucy did not want pity from Alex Danvers. She had never wanted pity from Alex, and she was finding it harder to breathe as she was thrown back to when they were kids. All the fighting, all the confusion. She didn’t realize she was crying until she turned the light on in the bathroom and saw her reflection. Lucy braced herself on the sink in front of her, hands gripping the cool porcelain.

_ “I’m sorry, I don’t want to hurt you — I’m not ready.” _

Shaking her head, Lucy tried to push away the memories of Alex, but they only got louder.

_ “You said it was just kissing. I can’t be gay, Lucy! I don’t want to be a disappointment. What if they send me away? Kara needs me!” _

Lucy was shaking. She let out a bitter laugh. Alex was always so worried about being what everyone around her wanted or needed; she’d never even accepted the fact she was gay when they were teenagers, and now she was here, married to a woman.

_ “I don’t even know if I’m gay, Luce.” _

_ “Your tongue says differently.” _

_ “One girl does not mean I’m gay, that is not a proper sample size.” _

Shaking her head at the memory, Lucy smiled. “You fucking nerd.” She turned on the faucet and cupped some of the cool water in her hands, leaning down into the sink she splashed herself in the face. This was going to be much harder than she thought. Underneath that blank slate was her Alex, and she kept coming through. Looking one last time at her reflection, Lucy let out a defeated sigh. “The things I do for you, Danvers.”

—

Jeremiah sat next to Eliza, watching her as she stared out the plane window at the clouds passing by, hand gripping his tightly. He knew she’d never been a big fan of flying and he could tell she was anxious, but he had a feeling it was more to do with the destination than the journey. Rubbing soothing circles on the back of her hand, he tried to soothe her anxieties silently.

Though he was probably just as anxious as Eliza was, he knew he had to step up now. Jeremiah frowned as he thought about how much he had let his marriage suffer, how much he had let Eliza suffer since Alex’s disappearance. Eliza was still as beautiful to him as the first day he met her, even with her tired eyes and frown lines, even after all the sleepless nights arguing.

The plane began to descend, and Jeremiah squeezed Eliza’s hand in his. “Almost there.” He smiled at her as she turned to look at him and gave him a small smile back. For a second, he flashes back to when they had just met and she was sitting next to him at the theaters; it was so long ago, but he remembers it like it was yesterday. “Hey, we’re doing this together,” Jeremiah reminded her. They had been looking for Alex together for years, but he knew she had given up hope until the DEO had shown up, and even then she was only going along with it for him — he wasn’t stupid. But this? Here, now, they were doing it together.

He watched as Eliza reached around with her other hand and laid it on top of their joined hands. “Together, we’ll get her back,” he said before leaning over and kissing her forehead. For the first time in a long time, Jeremiah felt like maybe things would go their way. He was going to fix his family.

—

Kara stood watching as the luggage went around and around in front of her, waiting for her suitcase to appear. She tapped her fingers against her leg as the airport continued to bustle around her, and for a moment she forgot how to breathe as she heard two familiar heartbeats in the sky getting closer. She hadn’t seen Jeremiah and Eliza in years; the guilt that gnawed at her every time she looked at them had eaten away at her from the moment Alex was taken, even now. If half of what Lucy had said was true, her guilt had only intensified. CADMUS should’ve taken her.

Spotting her suitcase, Kara shook her head to try and quell some of her thoughts. She walked over and lifted it from the belt easily. Setting it down, she swallowed as another familiar heartbeat came into her periphery. Normally, Kara wasn’t good at picking up specific noises from the cacophony of sounds that constantly assaulted her ears, but when she was anxious she became hyperaware, so she couldn’t help but smile as her hearing picked up on Lucy struggling to find a parking space and cursing out every person who got in her way.

Moving with her suitcase to their designated meeting spot, Kara pulled out her cellphone carefully. It was expensive and new; she really didn’t want to break this one.

She typed out a text to Lena.

_ landed safely. lucy is in the parking lot cussin out a lot of ppl. i think u wud like her. xoxo _

Not expecting an immediate response back, Kara pocketed her phone and waited for Lucy, who was speed walking toward her at an alarmingly fast pace for someone so small. Kara braced herself, knowing this would be one big reunion — and that was before bringing Alex into the mix.

—

Lucy might’ve been too aggressive when she shoulder rammed a few people out of the way in the parking lot, but they really shouldn’t underestimate her because of her size — or her gender. Besides, she was running late, and she really didn’t want Kara to be by herself when Jeremiah and Eliza showed up. Knowing the guilt complex Kara carried around, Lucy was honestly afraid Kara might just burst into tears at the sight of them.

She hurriedly walked through the somewhat confusing layout of the parking lot and through the outdoor pickup area, finally she found the indoor luggage area and nearly jumped for joy when she spotted golden blonde hair. “Jesus Christ, why are all airports laid out like a drunk person designed them,” Lucy muttered under her breath, and it was obvious Kara could hear her because her shoulders shook in amusement. Lucy narrowed her eyes as she got closer. “Shut up.” Lucy smacked Kara’s shoulder before really looking at her.

Lucy felt her entire demeanor soften as she took in Kara’s appearance.

Kara was still tall but somehow managed to remain awkward and gangly. It was also obvious that Kara hadn’t been eating as much as she should, and Lucy couldn’t blame her, considering the last time Lucy had asked her about her pay it wasn’t nearly enough for a Kryptonian diet. It wasn’t a nice sight to see, but Kara still managed to look radiant and even was wearing what looked like new clothes. “It’s good to see you.” Lucy finally said as she pulled Kara into a fierce hug. She choked when Kara hugged her back. “Too tight!” Lucy grunted as her ribs started to creak, and Kara immediately let her go.Before Kara could apologize, Lucy held up a hand. “It’s okay, kid, but we should work on that while you’re here. Don’t want to give anyone a broken rib or something.”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” Kara looked down sheepishly, lightly toeing the linoleum floor gently with her foot. 

“So, what’s with the new clothes?” Lucy waved her hand up and down Kara’s figure. “You get a promotion or something?” A blush spread across Kara’s face, and Lucy’s brows shot up. “Kara Danvers, did you get a sugar daddy?” The splutters that came from Kara made Lucy burst into laughter.

“No! Lucy! Shut up!” Kara huffed, lightly shoving Lucy, obviously taking extra care with her strength so she didn’t hurt her. “I made a friend, and not in a weird way either,” Kara insisted, gripping at her suitcase handle with one hand and wrapping the other around her stomach.

“You made a friend?” Lucy asked, wiping away the tears from laughing so hard.

“Hey, I can make friends!” Kara protested, stomping her foot. They both looked down when they heard the linoleum crack. 

Lucy looked between the floor and Kara’s face for a moment before sighing. “Anyway, this friend bought you decent clothes?” Lucy asked.

“Well, she’s kind of a billionaire who refuses to let me buy anything when she’s around because she says, and I quote, ‘I’m rich Kara, get over it.’ It’s kinda annoying if I’m being honest,” Kara pouted, and Lucy tried not to burst out into laughter all over again. 

“Kid, that’s a sugar mama.” Lucy quickly backed away before Kara could shove her again and held up her hands in surrender. “No, but for real, Kara, I’m glad you have a friend. Lord knows you need one.” Lucy paused as her phone dinged, and she pulled it out of her jacket pocket. “They’re deboarding now.” Lucy glanced up and knew Kara understood who she meant.

Kara went still, and Lucy moved closer to her. “Hey, it’s gonna be okay,” Lucy reassured Kara before typing out a reply to Eliza and Jeremiah.

“It’s really her?” Kara asked quietly. 

Lucy looked up from her phone to see Kara was looking into the crowd. “I wouldn’t bring you all out here if I wasn’t positive, not after all this time.” Lucy ran a hand through her hair. “When I first started doing this, I copied documents I needed, and I even kept DNA for testing, just in case.” At the look Kara gave her Lucy clarified, “Not with me, obviously.” Lucy folded her arms. “Lois agreed to keep it for me, though I don’t she ever expected me to call her saying I was sending someone’s DNA to be tested against it. She probably forgot about it, to be honest.” Lucy shrugged, watching as groups of people began filing out toward the baggage claim area, looking for Eliza and Jeremiah. “It all matched up. It might not look like her, but it’s her.”

Finally spotting Eliza and Jeremiah, she hit Kara on the arm lightly and gestured to where they were before moving to greet them. She felt Kara stay behind and bit the inside of her cheek. This was going to be interesting for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >   
> _another shout-out to ****_ **[@noreasonatall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noreasonatall/pseuds/noreasonatall)** for beta-ing  
>  _leave a kudos + comment if you are enjoying the story!_  
>   
> 


	5. CHAPTER FIVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > Lucy prepares the Danvers for what's to come. 
>> 
>> Alex tries to keep it together as her biological family gets closer.

# CHAPTER FIVE

The three Danvers sitting across from Lucy were almost exactly as she remembered from the last time she saw them together a decade ago. Kara was shoving fries into her mouth at a furious pace, Jeremiah had barely touched the food in front of him and was glancing between the three women, while Eliza ate at a normal pace. Eliza had a calm demeanor, and the only thing giving her anxiety away was the way she would always flick her eyes back to look at Kara, never going too long without looking at her adopted daughter.

Taking in a deep breath, Lucy cleared the space in front of her, opened her bag and pulled out everything she’d need, booting up her laptop. “All right, this isn’t going to get any less awkward, so let’s just get this out of the way.” Lucy kept her eyes on the screen as it lit up.

“I’ve gotten permission from Alex and Maggie to prep you on a few things. They wanted me to set boundaries for them, lay down some rules.” Lucy cleared her throat. “They also gave me some pictures to help you… adjust to her new appearance. Just keep your cool, all right?” Lucy met each of their eyes before turning the laptop. “This is the most recent photo they’ve taken together.”

Their reactions were what Lucy expected; Kara gripped her own forearms, while Jeremiah wrapped an arm around Eliza and held her close. His face was blank, and he had never looked his age more than right now. Eliza’s eyes were shining, her lips pursed as if trying to stop herself from making noise. 

“I have medical records, but I haven’t looked at them.” Lucy swallowed. “And unless I’m given permission from Alex, I’m not going to look at them. It isn’t our place.” 

“We deserve to know what happened,” Jeremiah insisted, looking Lucy directly in the eye.

“Look, even if we look at those records, we’ll be getting best guesses from medical professionals who don’t know what really happened.” Lucy pinched the bridge of her nose. “Alex doesn’t even remember what happened with CADMUS. She was found on the side of the road, and everyone told her that she was most likely left there by her parents.” Lucy watched the fight leave Jeremiah. “It made sense. No one came to find her, and she was mutilated beyond recognition, so even though there was a missing persons out for her, there was no way anyone would have known that.” 

Lucy scooted her chair closer to Kara, who was staring down at her lap. Lucy reached over and laid a hand on her shoulder. Kara looked up, and Lucy smiled, trying to give her some comfort by tightening her grip on Kara’s shoulder.

“But she still wants to meet us,” Eliza offered in a hoarse voice. “Despite having been told that we were the ones who did those things to her.” 

Lucy nodded and let go of Kara’s shoulder, turning her smile to the whole group. “Yeah, it’s good. But you guys need to respect their boundaries and remember she isn’t the Alex you remember.” She closed her laptop and put it back in her bag, then pulled out the handwritten list she had been given. “So, boundaries and rules.” Lucy gripped the list tightly in her hands. “You guys up for this?”

“Anything.” Eliza held her head up, determination in her eyes. “We move at their pace.” 

Lucy looked over at Jeremiah. He still looked tired, but after a shared glance with Eliza he seemed to have a lighter posture. He nodded.

Moving her attention to Kara, Lucy noted that she was still in the exact same position as before: head down, staring at her own lap, grasping her own forearms. 

“Hey, Kar, it’s okay to be angry at what happened to her.” Lucy nudged at Kara under the table with her foot. “I’m fucking pissed too, and if later you want to go somewhere and beat the shit out of some dirt, then go for it.” Kara’s fingers flexed against her forearms, and Lucy once again had to remind herself how powerful of a being she was talking to. “But right now I need you to tell me that you aren’t going to freak out on Alex, because she doesn’t know about the real you yet, or the DEO or anything like that.” 

After a silent moment, Kara looked up from her lap to meet Lucy’s eyes and gently dropped her hands down to her lap. “I’d never hurt her,” Kara insisted.

“I know you wouldn’t, kid, not on purpose.” Lucy tilted her head toward Kara as she spoke, trying to be gentle with her words but knowing they probably would hurt anyway. “But you haven’t worked on your control in a while, right?” Kara shrugged. “We need to pick up on that when we get settled in town.” 

Kara nodded in agreement and Lucy let a moment pass for them to digest everything. 

“Okay, I’ll start the list.” Lucy took a deep breath before starting to read from the page in her hand. “One: No touching without permission — that means no handshakes, hugging, anything that involves physical contact without asking for permission. If the response is no, then move on.” She looked each of the Danvers in the eye to get the point across before continuing. “Two: Maggie is a permanent fixture, and if you want to be part of our lives you’ll have to get to know her. If that’s an issue, or any of the — and I quote — ‘gay shit,’ then you can just leave now.” 

A wry smile spread across Lucy’s face. She couldn’t help but feel envy start to boil up, but she quickly shoved that down as far as she could.

Kara’s let out a confused sound. “Why would we have a problem with any of that?” she asked, picking at her cuticles.

“I forgot how sheltered you are.” Lucy mumbled as she shifted uncomfortably. “I’ll explain later.” Kara nodded while Lucy turned to Jeremiah and Eliza. “Any issues?”

“My daughter’s sexual preference has never been a concern — especially after a decade of not having her.” Eliza delivered it in a deadpan tone.

“It’s never been an issue for us.” Jeremiah added with a nod.

Lucy felt her heart flutter in her chest. All of those years of anxiety and pointless arguments with Alex. “You’ve never exactly made any of that clear.” Lucy snapped before reeling in the overwhelming bitterness that had managed to spill out. Taking a deep breath, she ignored the confused looks given to her and cleared her throat. “Three: Just because we are biologically related doesn't make us family. I’ve made my own family, and I have spent years building it. I am willing to let you work for a spot, but that doesn’t change any aspect of what I have built.” Lucy rubbed the back of her neck, knowing the harshness of the boundary that was just set. “Four: We have jobs. We appreciate you coming to us and accommodating our schedules, but we still have our own lives. We will do our best to get to know you; however, we will not compromise our financial situation to do so.” 

Eliza nodded. “That’s reasonable.” She sounded proud of her daughter for being so fiscally responsible, and Lucy’s lips quirked.

“Five: Apparently there are NDAs to be signed, and we both agreed to sign them once you arrive. We both want the whole story, no lies, and if you do lie, it’s over. We don’t lie to each other, no matter how much it hurts.” Lucy saw Kara freeze out of the corner of her eye as she folded the list up. “Everyone got those?”

“Being honest from the beginning is probably for the best.” Jeremiah rubbed Eliza’s shoulder as he spoke.

Eliza nodded. “I’m glad we can be honest from the start.”

“Yeah, it’s great.” Kara said quietly as she stood, her chair scraping against the floor before she hastily walked out of the small restaurant. 

Lucy watched her go with concern. “Finish your food or whatever, give me a minute.” Lucy tossed some money onto the table, slung her bag over her shoulders and stood before following Kara out. Looking around as she exited, she saw Kara in the distance at the edge of the parking lot. Lucy jogged over and stopped next to Kara with a frown.

“Any reason you ran off like a bat outta hell?” Lucy nudged Kara with her shoulder. “You aren’t subtle, so spill it.” 

Kara let out a huff. “Everyone is so happy they get to be honest about things.” Kara kept her eyes out toward the open plains. “But they aren’t the reason Alex was taken.” Lucy watched Kara narrow her eyes and clench her jaw. “She’s gonna hate me.”

“That’s not the whole story, and you know it.” Lucy shook her head. “Alex put herself in that situation. She knew what she was doing.” Before Kara could interrupt, Lucy nudged her again, this time harder. “She was trying to protect you, and it worked. Don’t try to make yourself out to be some kind of monster, because you aren’t. You were a kid who didn’t know any better.” Watching Kara struggle with her emotions, Lucy continued. “There are a lot of things that I would change if I knew what I know now, but we can’t, we can only work with what we have now.” Lucy let out a slow breath and leaned into Kara’s side.

Lucy felt Kara nod, and they stood there silently, supporting one another without words.

—

Maggie could see the tension in every inch of Alex’s posture as she sat in a booth on the far side of the bar and ripped a paper napkin into pieces, placing each piece carefully on the table in front of her. J’onn was standing next to Maggie behind the bar. He’d offered to go over their inventory and a few other business details that he knew Alex would forget to take care of while they waited for Lucy and the Danvers to show up. If Maggie was being honest, she wasn’t sure she was in the best place to be doing any of the business work either, considering she couldn’t remember most of what J’onn had just said to her.

“It’ll be alright.” J’onn’s voice startled Maggie, and she broke her line of sight with Alex to turn to him. “We’re both going to be here if she needs us.” J’onn gave a small nod, and his eyes were warm as Maggie looked into them. She swallowed around the lump that formed in her throat. 

Maggie knew that J’onn was careful about reading their thoughts, but she hoped he knew how comforting his presence was for her. She hadn’t felt this strong, warm presence since she was a child and had forgotten what it was like to have a father to protect her. “Thank you, J’onn.” Maggie wrapped her arms around J’onn, giving him a tight squeeze before moving around the bar and toward Alex.

“You’ve made a mess, babe. You know we have to pay for more of those, right?” Maggie leaned her hip against the table as Alex stopped ripping her third napkin and looked up at Maggie with a guilty look. “Hey.” Maggie knelt down next to Alex and reached out to cup Alex’s cheek. “You aren’t going to be alone. I’m here, and J’onn is going to be right over there the whole time.” 

Alex nodded and set what was left of the napkin she had been tearing up down. “I know, you got me.” Alex leaned into Maggie’s hand a little. “I just don’t want —” Alex’s eyes moved to her lap. Maggie stroked her thumb against the skin of Alex’s cheek.

“What don’t you want? I’m always going to want whatever you want or don’t want, babe,” Maggie said softly, shifting slightly in her crouched position to try to meet Alex’s downturned gaze. “Tell me.”

Alex let out a breath, and her eyes moved back to meet Maggie’s. “You are my family. You and J’onn.” Alex’s expression was serious as she spoke, and Maggie noticed Alex’s hands flexing in her lap. Maggie moved her hand from Alex’s cheek and put both of her hands into Alex’s, where Alex held onto them tightly. “I just need you to remember that, no matter what happens today,” Alex said. “I don’t care what they say or if I remember something. I choose you, Maggie, and I’m gonna keep choosing you.” 

Maggie could feel Alex’s desperation to get her point across, so she stood up and settled herself in Alex’s lap. “I’m not going to let anything get between us,” Maggie promised, wrapping her arms around Alex’s neck and playing softly with the baby hairs there. “I love you.” Maggie leaned in and kissed Alex passionately, slowly, gently and with all the love she could.

Feeling Alex pull her closer as they kissed, Maggie let the peace of this moment wash over, knowing for this moment nothing was wrong. But it couldn’t last. J’onn cleared his throat from across the room and Maggie pulled away, though as she stood she gave Alex one last soft kiss.

As she turned to walk away, Alex called out after her. “I love you too!” Maggie grinned and winked at Alex over her shoulder.

—

Closing the bar’s entrance door behind herself and standing in front of it with arms crossed, Maggie watched as Lucy and Kara got out of one and Jeremiah and Eliza got out of the other. She looked over each of them as they walked over together. Lucy stood in the front as they came to a stop in front of her. 

“Hey, Maggie,” Lucy greeted with a nod, and Maggie nodded back, letting herself get a good look at the group now that they were closer.

The average person probably wouldn’t be able to tell that Alex was related to Jeremiah and Eliza — with all of the disfigurements it was hard to tell, but Maggie had spent hours studying Alex in every way she could, and it was obvious to her that these people were in fact related to Alex.

Looking at Kara was different. At night, Alex had spoken in hushed tones to Maggie about the connection she felt to this girl, how her sad eyes made her uneasy and she didn’t know why. Kara had unnaturally blue eyes that only met hers briefly. Maggie was sure she had never seen that kind of blue on Earth before, but she didn’t linger on that, instead looking at the way Kara’s hands curled at her side without clenching. Her blonde hair seemed dim for some reason, though it hadn’t lost an ounce of color from the picture Maggie had seen.

Pulling herself from her observations, Maggie pulled her eyes away from Kara and moved them to Lucy. “They’ve heard the terms?” She ignored the others, not wanting to give them any power in this conversation yet.

“We stopped on the way in and ate.” Lucy nodded. “I read the list out and showed them the picture you gave. They agreed to it all.”

Maggie let out a hum before unfolding her arms. “Alex is inside.” She finally addressed the rest of the group. “I would say it’s nice to meet all of you, but we’ll see.” Turning, she opened the door and left it open for the others as she walked swiftly to Alex, who had moved from the booth to one of the longer open tables.

J’onn was currently setting down glasses filled with water onto the table where each chair was set up, and he smiled at both of them as Maggie quickly sat next to Alex. “I’ll be behind the bar if you need me,” he said softly before leaving them. Maggie slung her arm around Alex’s shoulder and let Alex tangle their legs together under the table.

They both watched as Lucy strode in with confidence and took up the chair across from Alex before anyone else could, and Maggie tilted her head in appreciation as a small amount of tension left Alex at the thought of not having to sit across from a stranger.

“Hurry up, guys!” Lucy yelled, turning in her chair to face the other three who were loitering in the doorway. “Jesus Christ, I’m gonna die of old age before you get over here.” At that, the other three finally moved to the table. Kara sat across from Maggie, while Eliza and Jeremiah sat on Lucy’s other side. “That took you guys way too long.” Lucy grumbled, and she nearly fell off her chair as Kara nudged her a little too hard. “Fuck, kid, watch it.”

Maggie looked with raised brows at Alex who just shrugged. 

“Oh, actually, thanks for reminding me, kid.” Lucy leaned down and grabbed some papers from her bag. “NDA’s for both of you.” Lucy set them down in front of Alex and Maggie. “You’re welcome, by the way; those were a bit of a bitch to get.” Lucy reached for the glass of water in front of her and sipped it. “I figure we can talk about stuff and then you can sign it, but I have to watch you sign them because it’s my ass on the line.” 

Maggie rolled her eyes and pulled the papers closer. “We said we’ll sign them, and we will.” Maggie read the first few lines on the top page and narrowed her eyes. “Department of Extranormal Operations?” She noticed J’onn freeze behind the bar as she spoke. “What are all of you doing with them?” Maggie couldn’t keep the malice from her voice as she spoke.

Jeremiah cleared his throat. “What do you know about aliens?” He asked slowly, folding his hands together on top of the table, his gaze focused on Maggie’s angry stare.

“No, I’m asking the questions right now.” Maggie leaned forward. “What do you do for the DEO?”

“Whoa, whoa, okay, calm down!” Lucy held her hands up. “Whatever you’re so pissed about, we don’t know what it is.”

Maggie felt a hand on her thigh and stiffened, turning to meet Alex’s gaze. At the placating look she found there, Maggie let out a breath before relaxing back into her chair. 

“The last time we heard about the DEO,” Maggie started with a frown, “they were very anti-alien. They didn’t care if aliens were here by accident or if they had nowhere else to go.” Maggie kept her gaze on the papers in front of her. “They hunted them down and exterminated them.” 

The group was quiet for a moment before Jeremiah spoke up. “It’s not like that anymore,” he said in a grave tone. “When the last director of the DEO passed, Hank Henshaw, someone new was put in, and while the progress isn’t as much or as fast as many of us would like, we don’t hunt aliens anymore.” 

Maggie turned to look at Alex to see if she had anything she wanted to say, but her wife looked a bit distant, so she decided to take the initiative for now. “So, some of you work for the DEO then.” Maggie watched as Jeremiah and Eliza agreed.

“They offered us resources in finding our daughter,” Jeremiah explained, and Maggie watched a darkness pass over his face. “We have a common enemy.”

“Lucy and Kara have never interacted with the DEO.” Eliza interjected. “Until Lucy requested the NDA’s.” 

Maggie tilted her head toward Eliza in acknowledgement but spoke to Jeremiah. “What common enemy?” 

Jeremiah frowned. “That’s where Alex’s kidnapping comes into this.” He looked pained as he spoke. “Should we start from the beginning?”

Maggie turned her whole body to face Alex, giving her full attention to her wife. “Do you want to hear this?” She asked softly, watching as Alex slowly focused in on her.

Alex spoke for the first time since the others had shown up. “I don’t know.” Alex’s voice came out hoarse and she looked confused. “I need a second.” She stood jerkily and walked quickly to the door behind the bar. Not a moment later, J’onn was following her with a quick look to Maggie indicating he was going to handle it.

Maggie leaned forward once more, this time folding her arms to lean on them as she spoke to the people across from her. “I want to ask each of you a question.” She was going to protect her wife from these people if she had to. “If Alex walked out of there right now and asked all of you to leave and never come back, would you?”

She watched them closely as they reacted to her question and Maggie was surprised when Lucy was the first to speak. 

“Yes.” Lucy didn’t seem to want to hide the pain in her voice. “I’m not going to lie and say it wouldn’t hurt me, because it would, but if she truly thought she would be better off without me —” Lucy stopped for a moment before correcting herself. “Without us... then I would walk away.” A sad smile spread across her face.

Before Maggie could respond, Kara spoke. “I just want whatever she wants.” It was quiet, but Kara met Maggie’s gaze directly. “If she wants me to go, I’ll go.” Kara kept their stare going for only a moment longer before jerking her chin back down to her chest, and for some reason Maggie felt her gut churn at Kara’s need to make herself as small as possible.

After a moment, Maggie moved her eyes to Jeremiah and Eliza, who had turned to look at each other. “You two?” she asked them pointedly. “You just found your long-lost child, but what if she asks you to go?” Maggie watched a silent conversation happen in front of her, Jeremiah’s hands remained folded in front of him, but Eliza laid a hand on top of his in support.

“My daughter has not been given much choice in her life.” Jeremiah looked resigned as he turned from Eliza and spoke to Maggie. “I will respect whatever she chooses.” Maggie felt shocked as Eliza, with wet eyes, nodded in agreement.

“I’ll admit, I didn’t expect that.” Maggie chuckled. “One point in favor of the biologicals.”

Lucy let out a snort before tensing when they heard the door behind them open again. Things were going to change in the next few minutes, one way or another.

—

Alex felt herself panicking, and although she never wanted to run from her wife, she had to get away from that table. The storeroom was the closest thing to a haven she could get right now, and even though she knew where she was going, it was like walking through a haze. 

She swayed back and forth in the middle of the room. Alex knew what was happening; she was on the brink of a panic attack, but knowing that she wasn’t actually suffocating didn’t stop the feeling. Her breaths were coming in fast and short puffs, sweat beaded at her forehead, and the room was starting to blur. 

“Alex, it’s J’onn.” The low timbre of J’onns voice was warm and safe. J’onn would keep her safe. “Alex, is it all right if I touch your shoulder?” Alex nodded in response, and a moment later J’onn was in front of her, softly placing a hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay, I’m right here.” 

Alex launched herself forward into his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist. She felt one of his hands come up to cradle the back of her head, the other moving around her to help keep her up. Letting out a sob, she pressed her face into his shirt. She didn’t want anyone to replace him; he was the only father she needed.

“Alex,” J’onn said patiently, “your relationship with your biological father could never invalidate ours.” Alex leaned back enough to look up at him as he smiled at her. “I’m sorry, I try not to intrude on your thoughts, but you’re very loud when you’re upset.” Alex’s lips quirked up a little in response. “Now, listen to me.” J’onn took a deep breath. “You may get to know each other, and you may even come to love them, but that does not mean that you have any less room for me or any of the other people you found along the way.” 

After swallowing, Alex spoke. “I feel like I’m replacing you.” 

J’onn seemed to think for a moment. “I’ve told you and Maggie of my true origin, of my wife and girls.” Alex saw the pain on his face as he spoke of his family. “If by some great miracle, one of them, somehow, managed to find their way to me again,” His voice cracked as he spoke, “would you blame me for wanting to have them in my life or ever think that I was trying to replace you and the bond we have created?” Alex was shaking her head before he could even finish his sentence, and there was amusement in his smile. “So tell me why you impose these feelings on yourself.”

That made Alex pause, and she tilted her head. “I don’t know. I just never want to lose you or any of my family,” she admitted quietly.

“Anyone who is truly your family will never be lost.” J’onn stared into her eyes as he spoke, and she knew he meant this in so many ways. 

Alex nodded. “Okay.” She leaned in once more to press her face into his chest. “Thank you.” They hugged one last time before parting.

“Always.” J’onn nodded before following her out the door they had entered.

Alex was ready for answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >   
> _another shout-out to ****_ **[@noreasonatall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noreasonatall/pseuds/noreasonatall)** for beta-ing  
>  _leave a kudos + comment if you are enjoying the story! also feel free to check me out on **[tumblr](https://ins0mnia-an0nym0us-au.tumblr.com/)** or **[twitter](https://twitter.com/insomnia_anon)** _  
>   
> 


	6. CHAPTER SIX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >   
> Alex finally gets some answers.
>> 
>> The Danvers get to tell their side of the story.

**CHAPTER SIX**

Since crashing on Earth, noise had become a constant companion for Kara, her hearing far too impeccable to let her have a moment of peace anywhere she went. She had to get used to the way the humans around her sounded — clothes rustling, muscles contracting underneath skin, organs pumping blood constantly, joints popping and groaning. Sometimes she imagined it’s how a grandfather clock’s inner workings would sound to a human if they opened one up and listened. 

So as she sat in between all of these humans, she clenched her jaw and grit her teeth, eyes down on her fists tight in her lap. She heard Alex come back to the table, but she kept her gaze focused on the white of her knuckles as they shook. 

It helped her to stay focused on her hands, helped her to ignore the overwhelming urge to burst into tears. All she wanted to do was to reach out to Alex and never let her go. Apologize for everything that had happened to her. It should have been her. 

“Hey, you okay?” Alex’s voice broke through Kara’s thoughts, and Kara jerked her head up to meet familiar brown eyes. Alex was tangled once more with Maggie, as close together as possible, hands clasped and fingers intertwined, but her gaze was on Kara. “You, uh, you looked like you were spiralling, and I know the feeling.” 

Kara wasn’t sure if she wanted to laugh or cry because even as strangers, Alex knew her. Before she could reply to try and steer the conversation away from herself, Alex pulled a picture out of her pocket. 

“When Lucy showed me this picture, I didn’t remember anything.” Kara furrowed her brow as Alex spoke. Alex placed the picture in front of them on the table, and a pensive look came across her face. “I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to remember anything, but nothing ever came back, and if I’m being honest, I’m okay with that.” Kara sucked in a breath at that. “But I kept coming back to you — or your face, I guess.” Alex took a long look at the picture in silence before continuing. “Out of everyone in that picture... for some reason, I feel something.” Their eyes met again, and Kara swallowed. “Your eyes are so much sadder than they used to be, and I don’t know why it does, but it hurts me to see that.”

Kara felt her emotions welling up, eyes stinging in a way she was all too familiar with. She had cried too many tears since Alex had been taken, but she refused to cry here and now, in front of her sister who she had just gotten back. “I’m sorry.” Kara had expected her voice to be quiet, maybe wet since she was close to tears, but she hadn’t expected it to sound so broken. Her eyes widened before darting away from the brown ones she had missed so much. “Sorry, _Rao_ , sorry.” Kara could feel herself spiralling again, but a firm hand on her shoulder caused her to turn and look at Lucy. “S-sorry.” 

“Hey, kid.” Lucy shoved against the firm wall that was Kara’s shoulder, but Kara got the hint and moved her entire body so she was completely facing Lucy. Lucy then did the same, their knees touching. “Breathe. Hey, kid, that wasn’t a breath.” Lucy smacked Kara on the leg as Kara let out a choked noise. “You never told me more about that friend you made.” Lucy raised a brow and a mischievous smile spread across her face. “Your sugar mama.” 

Kara began spluttering before sucking in a deep breath. “She’s not a sugar mama!” Kara knew she was flushing but couldn’t help but feel grateful to Lucy for getting her to breath. “She’s not!” Lucy gave her a look, and Kara huffed. “I didn’t want any of the things she bought me, she just gave them to me!”

“Well, someone needs to feed you.” Lucy narrowed her eyes at Kara. “Look at you, a slight breeze might knock you over, and then where would we be?” Lucy reached over and brushed at some nonexistent dirt from Kara’s shoulder. “I’d have to pick you up, and we both know that I am far too lazy to do that.” Lucy winked at Kara as she flicked her nose. “So you’d just be stuck on the ground, forever.” Lucy spoke in such a serious tone that Kara couldn’t help but giggle at the imagery, and for a brief moment she was taken back to when they were all younger. “Better?” Lucy asked, and the spell was broken because they weren’t back there, and they’d never be back there. 

The little brightness that had started to come back to Kara seemed to vanish. She sighed but nodded. Time to get things back on track.

— 

Lucy moved her body back to face Alex and Maggie, both of whom were looking at her with a softness she didn’t want directed at her. She cleared her throat. “I know that whatever you went through was horrible. Even if you don’t remember it, clearly it still affects you.” She ran a hand through her hair and used the other to gesture at the two women. “But we didn't exactly come out of this trauma-free either; we have scars, too.” Lucy glanced at the three people sitting next to her. “You just can’t see ours.” Setting her hands on top of the table, she laced her fingers together, looking each woman in the eye as she took a measured breath. “So, from the beginning?”

Lucy watched as Alex and Maggie had a silent conversation with their eyes and Maggie nodded with a smile. It was obviously Alex’s show, and she got to make the decision. So when Alex turned her head back to Lucy, she spoke. “Let’s start simple, I guess.” Lucy nodded. “Basics and work our way up from there.” 

Lucy relaxed a little at that. “I can work with basics.” They wouldn’t have to give everything from the start then. Lucy looked over to Jeremiah and Eliza. “Probably best if they take over for basics, at least in the beginning.” Lucy grabbed her neglected water glass and leaned back in her chair as she sipped it, content to let Jeremiah take over.

— 

Jeremiah felt Eliza place a hand on his back and felt warmth fill his chest at the reminder that she was still here, even after all this time. “Right, basics.” He looked at his daughter and tried not to let his emotions get the better of him as he spoke. “Your mother and I raised you in Midvale, perfectly normal lives. The strangest things we ever did were at work; we are scientists, after all.” Jeremiah smiled and looked at his wife, who smiled back. “Something miraculous did happen to us, once. Superman came to us and asked us to help test his abilities.” Jeremiah couldn’t help but grind his teeth at the mention of Superman. “He didn’t want to go to anyone working for the government, and at the time we weren’t, so of course we helped him.” Jeremiah looked away from Alex as he scoffed.

As the hand on his back began to rub circles, he loosened his muscles a bit but kept his gaze away from the people at the table. Instead, he listened as Eliza spoke up. “We knew the possible consequences of taking in Kara, but Jeremiah is still very upset about what happened and the fact that Superman didn’t do anything faster.” Eliza shook her head, and Jeremiah rubbed at his face with both of his hands, trying to let go of the negative emotions he was feeling. “After we first met him, years later, he came back with Kara. Her pod had crashed to Earth, and there was no one else he trusted to care for her once he realized that she was from his home planet, Krypton. He knew we were already parents and that we knew some of her language.” Jeremiah put his hands back down on the table and looked over at Kara, seeing his wife doing the same. 

“It wasn’t easy,” Jeremiah continued for Eliza. “She didn’t know any English, and everything on Earth scared her. Everything was overwhelming with her new powers; she got them instantly instead of over time like Superman had.” Jeremiah watched as Kara fiddled with her glasses and his lips turned up into a small smile. “You were also not a fan of suddenly becoming a big sister, but eventually she grew on you.” Letting out a chuckle, Jeremiah shook his head in amusement at the memory.

Eliza also let out a laugh. “Oh, that’s right, how did she put it.” Eliza looked at Jeremiah with fondness on her face. 

_“She’s kinda growing on me, like mold.” Alex looked up at her parents as Kara lay asleep on her lap._

“You taught me English.” Kara spoke up quietly, and everyone turned their heads to her in surprise. “Everything was different from my home, Krypton.” Kara was looking at Alex. “There weren’t birds or oceans, and they scared me, but you taught me how not to be afraid, and then you taught me to be curious.” Kara had a small smile on her face. “I would ask you so many questions, and you would get so annoyed at first, but you still answered me. If you didn’t know the answer, you would just shrug and tell me we’d look it up at the library later.” 

Both Alex and Kara seemed to be in a bubble as Kara spoke, not noticing the others. 

“The library became one of my favorite places because it was quiet. I even taught you Kryptonese, and you knew it better than Kal!” Kara’s excited smile dropped. 

“Kal is Superman?” Alex asked softly, and Kara nodded. 

“He doesn’t remember like I do.” Kara’s eyes were on the table in front of her, no longer looking at Alex. “I was old enough to remember Krypton. It was why I was sent with him, to raise him as a Kryptonian, to keep Krypton alive, but I failed.” Kara’s voice has become breathy. “Just like I failed you.”

— 

Lucy slammed a fist down on the table. 

“Kid, I swear to fucking God, you and your fucking guilt complex.” Lucy set the now-empty water glass from her other hand down and leaned into Kara’s personal space. “You know damn well there was nothing you could’ve done differently.” Lucy tried to stamp down on her rage, but it gripped onto her lungs. “Don’t listen to her,” Lucy said to Maggie and Alex as she pointed at Kara, who shrunk back in her chair. “This kid takes the entire thing on herself when in reality it’s more than just her, it’s moving parts of a whole shit-show.” Lucy then turned to Kara and jabbed her with the finger she had been pointing with. “You need to stop doing this or I’m gonna get a fucking ulcer. You know it pisses me off.” Lucy rubbed at her temples and muttered under her breath. “Fuck.”

“Okay.” Opening her eyes, Lucy saw Alex and Maggie look at each other as Maggie spoke. “So where do you fit into all of this, Lucy?” And Lucy groaned trying not to glare as Maggie hid a chuckle behind an obviously fake cough.

“Ulcer it is.” Lucy grumbled. “All right, let’s just get this out of the way as fast as possible.” Lucy shoved her sleeves up to her elbows, feeling hot already. “First thing you need to know is Kal’s name given to him by his Earth parents is Clark, and Clark is married to my sister, Lois.” Lucy paused, checking to make sure the women were following before she continued. “At the time, they weren’t married, but they were still a thing. Anyways, I was shipped off to distant relatives in Midvale after my mom died — Dad was busy, and my sister was in college, busy fucking Boy Scout in her spare time.” 

Kara let out a disgusted noise at that. 

Lucy jabbed her thumbs in the direction of the Danvers as she continued. “Lois knew that Boy Scout trusted these guys, so she was fine with me being shipped to Midvale because she figured I would have Boy Scout’s trusted family friends or whatever there.” Shrugging, Lucy dropped her hand back to the table. “I showed up a few years before Kara, and we became friends. We were well known troublemakers.” Lucy grinned. “Correction, _I_ was the trouble-maker, and _you_ tended to get my ass out of trouble, but I could talk you into doing stupid shit with me sometimes.” 

The grin faded, and Lucy glanced over at Eliza and Jeremiah. “Just gonna bite the bullet on the next bit.” Shifting a bit in her seat, Lucy continued. “We also kissed a lot.” Pursing her lips, Lucy clarified. “Made out, we made out a lot.” 

Lucy checked the older Danvers reactions. Eliza didn’t look shocked at all; in fact, she had a knowing look in her eye. Lucy would have to process that later. Jeremiah’s eyes had widened a bit, but the rest of his face was trying not to show his surprise. Meanwhile, Kara looked like she had eaten an entire lemon, and Lucy had to bite back a laugh, remembering the time Kara had seen her with her hand up Alex’s shirt and tongue down her throat.

“Yeah, sorry about those scarring images, kid.” Lucy bumped her shoulder into Kara, who just glared at her.

“Kara knew?” Alex asked while watching the two interact.

“It’s hard to keep a closeted, secret relationship from an alien sister who has X-ray vision, superhearing and attachment issues,” Lucy deadpanned, ignoring the huff from Kara. “I honestly thought she was going to accidentally out you before you turned eighteen, but we never had to find that out.”

“I wasn’t —” Alex looked like she was thinking hard about something. “I wasn’t out?”

Lucy snorted. “You were so deep in the closet I wondered if you had met Aslan.” Lucy made a face when no one laughed at her joke. “That joke was fantastic, fuck you guys,” she grumbled. “I respected you weren’t ready, obviously, but I knew I was bisexual when I was, like, eight.” Lucy folded her arms. “You were so firmly stuck in the closet that it would’ve taken at least six Kryptonians and a jumbo jar of vaseline to get you out of there.” The imagery made every pause for a moment. “Whenever I brought up the idea you might be a lesbian, we fought, especially once you actually cared for Kara. You didn’t want to risk being sent away because Kara needed you.”

“You also had this ‘perfect daughter’ thing going on, which — if nothing else, the amnesia got rid of that, so silver lining. You were way too stressed over what they thought of you.” Lucy jerked her head toward Jeremiah and Eliza. “Willing to play the straight scientist following in the footsteps of her parents, even if you didn’t actually want to.” 

“Wait, she didn’t want to be a scientist?” Jeremiah interrupted.

“Honey, not now,” Eliza hushed him.

Lucy gave Alex a look. “Anyway, when you were taken, it wasn’t safe for me to live in Midvale either, so I got moved, and life went on.” Lucy waved a hand in the air. “Let’s move on to a more interesting subject: the people that took you and how you got taken.” Lucy watched Alex press herself closer to Maggie. “Kara had been with you for nearly two years when CADMUS came knocking —”

“What is CADMUS?” Maggie interrupted.

Lucy looked over to Jeremiah and Eliza. “They know more than I do at this point.” She stated plainly.

Jeremiah nodded taking over. “As Lucy said, we had Kara for nearly two years when government officials approached us. They told us they knew we had an alien in our custody and that we had to turn it over immediately.” Jeremiah spat out the dehumanizing term with anger. “They introduced themselves as Project CADMUS, claiming to be part of a research operation run by the government. They threatened if we didn’t turn over the alien we would all be arrested, or worse.” His anger was palpable as he spoke. “Eliza and I managed to barter a couple of hours because Kara was at school, and they agreed to let Eliza go get her.” A manic look came over Jeremiah’s features, and Eliza reached out, grabbing one of his hands.

“Let me.” Eliza waited until he nodded to continue. “While I went to go pick up Kara, he was going to call Superman, to try and get him to intercept us so we could say that he took her away.” Eliza frowned. “You, Alex, were home sick and were supposed to be asleep, but you must have woken up when they began shouting.” Eliza took a deep breath. “You heard what was happening and knew where we kept all of Kara’s things from when she first landed, so you took her clothes and a couple of other harmless parts from the spaceship we had stripped from it to examine and jumped out of the second-story window.” 

“Surprised she didn’t break her fucking ankle with how stupid she was being,” Lucy grumbled, ignoring the glare from Kara.

“I was terrified because Superman never intercepted us, and I was preparing Kara for what might happen. She was ready to fight or run, but as we pulled up, there was no one there, and Kara asked where you were.” Eliza visibly shuddered at the memory. “It’s all a bit of a blur after that. We ran inside and looked for you while Jeremiah finally got through to Superman. It was a mess, and Superman showed up too late. They had taken you and vanished.” Eliza wiped at her eyes. 

“We looked for years, but eventually the leads dried up,” Jeremiah continued when Eliza couldn’t. “Then one day our worst nightmare happened, government officials at our door again, but this time they offered us something invaluable.” Jeremiah chuckled at the irony. “Come work for them, and in exchange we would have unfiltered access to the DEO’s files on CADMUS. We would also be the team leaders on the current operation behind finding CADMUS.” Jeremiah looked at Alex with a serious expression. “That was when we discovered that CADMUS had been a government-run operation but had gone rogue and now was being run by various big name anti-alien persons.” Jeremiah moved his gaze to Lucy. “Even with all of that, we didn’t find you, but we’ve been routing out CADMUS from various parts of the United States, as well as trying to make the DEO a better place.”

Looking at Alex, everyone could tell she was overwhelmed with the information. “I did this to myself,” she said slowly as if trying to understand it.

“No one ever said you were the brightest bulb.” Lucy shrugged, then winced when Kara smacked her shoulder. “Jesus Christ!” Lucy rubbed at the spot, knowing it would probably bruise. “I’m being fucking honest. She never put herself first and needed to save everyone around her. I mean, fucksake, she was gonna stay in the closet until she was thirty just to please you guys.” Lucy glared in the direction of the Danvers, but there wasn’t any real heat behind it. Lucy had admired that Alex put everyone first — she just wished Alex would’ve been a little selfish sometimes.

“You okay, babe?” Maggie asked Alex softly, and Lucy watched them from the corner of her eye, trying to give them privacy. Alex moved her forehead to Maggie’s temple, her eyes closed, and took a deep breath.

“It’s a lot. Nothing is what I thought it was, and I don’t know if that’s good or bad,” Alex murmured back to Maggie. Neither of them moved.

Lucy interrupted their moment, maybe being a little petty in doing so, but mostly just to give them all an out. “I know it’s a lot of new information, and this has been a long conversation. There’s more to be said, but for now we can just leave it and come back later.” Lucy offered, watching as Alex and Maggie parted from each other. “I do need to watch you sign those NDAs, but I can do that from over there.” Lucy pointed at the bar where J’onn still stood. “While getting extremely drunk,” she mumbled.

Alex nodded. “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” She grabbed the photo that she had left on the table and put it back in her pocket. “You guys are staying in town, right?” 

“Managed to snag a couple rooms. Haven’t bunked with Kara in a while. I’m hoping she doesn’t snore as much as she used to.” Lucy stood as she spoke, stretching a bit.

“I don’t snore!” Kara protested as she stood.

“Uh-huh, sure you don’t,” Lucy placated. “How about I go get them settled, and you guys start working on these papers,” Lucy offered, wanting to give the other two women some space.

“That, that would be really great.” Alex nodded before turning to Kara. “Kara, hey, um, have a good night.” Kara looked choked up as she nodded, and Alex watched with an understanding gaze. “It’s okay, I get it.” 

Lucy herded everyone to the door, turning to give Alex and Maggie a two-finger salute. “See you in a bit.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >   
> _another shout-out to ****_ **[@noreasonatall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noreasonatall/pseuds/noreasonatall)** for beta-ing  
>  _leave a kudos + comment if you are enjoying the story! also feel free to check me out on **[tumblr](https://ins0mnia-an0nym0us-au.tumblr.com/)** or **[twitter](https://twitter.com/insomnia_anon)** _  
>   
> 


	7. CHAPTER SEVEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >   
> Lucy gets wasted and Maggie drives her back to the hotel.
>> 
>> Kara gets a call from Lena.
>> 
>> Jeremiah and Eliza have a long needed talk.
>> 
>> Alex and Maggie talk after sleeping in the next morning.  
> 

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

_ Fingers gripped Lucy’s hair, and lips moved against hers with passion. Her own hands stayed where she knew they were allowed to be, holding the waist beneath her, no matter how much she wanted to move them. Lucy trailed her kisses from lips to jaw to neck. The sounds that came from the mouth she had been ravishing made her hands want to roam even more, so she tightened her grip. _

_ Lucy couldn’t keep from grinding her hips down at the sound of her name being gasped.  _

_ “Fuck, Lucy.” One of the hands released Lucy’s hair and moved to pry one of Lucy’s hands from its position, and suddenly their fingers were interlaced. _

_ Sucking in a breath through her nose at the intimacy of the move, Lucy squeezed the hand in hers, nose gently brushing at the pale neck below her. Pulling back, she stared into the brown irises she had grown so used to. “Alex,” she murmured before leaning down to initiate another kiss, but the sound of the front door crashing open caused the body beneath her to tense. _

_ In an instant, Lucy was staring at the ceiling, head tingling from hitting the floor. She wanted to scream, but Alex’s face popped into her vision.  _

_ “Shit, Lucy.” She sounded worried. “I’m so sorry, I just panicked!” _

_ Lucy groaned as she sat up slowly. The atmosphere had changed completely — from one heavy with unspoken emotion to one tense with fear radiating from Alex. Looking up at Alex from her spot on the floor, Lucy took in how beautiful Alex was with bruised lips and a flushed face, but she knew that Alex wouldn’t want to be seen like this. “You need me to buy you some time?” Lucy offered, watching Alex struggle to control her heavy breathing. _

_ “Yeah, please.” Alex responded, wincing as Kara yelled from downstairs for Alex to come down for a snack and movie. _

_ Lucy stood slowly and walked to the door. She paused and looked back at Alex, who sat now with hands covering her face. “You know she won’t care, right?” Lucy didn’t expect a response, but she did get Alex to look up at her. And even though Lucy knew what the feeling in her chest was, she also knew what that look on Alex’s face meant. So she just let out a sigh and made her way down to Kara. _

—

Lucy groaned as someone shook her shoulder. “Lucy, hey, wake up.” Groaning, Lucy lifted her head from the top of the bar. “Jesus, did you finish that whole bottle by yourself?” Squinting, Lucy looked at the source of the voice and frowned. 

It was Maggie fucking Sawyer.

“Oh, it’s you.” Lucy grumbled as she looked around — she hadn’t been lying when she’d said she wanted to get wasted, and her eyes zeroed in on the empty bottle of alcohol in front of her. “Uh, it wasn’t full, I don’t think.” Lucy paused and squinted at it, thinking. “I don’t remember,” she admitted, furrowing her brows. She turned and looked around the bar, smacking her lips and trying to identify the taste on her tongue. “Where’d everyone else go?”

“J’onn took Alex home.” Hearing Alex’s name brought a grimace to Lucy’s face. “I told her I’d take you back to the hotel.” Feeling a hand on her arm, Lucy jerked away, nearly falling off her stool but managing to catch herself on the bar.

“I’m fine.” Standing, Lucy kept a hand on the bar. “Why are you laughing?” Only just now noticing Maggie chuckling at her, Lucy glared but swayed in place as she stood, negating any intimidation factor she might’ve had.

Maggie just shook her head. “You are incredibly drunk, and I’m not letting you go anywhere but your hotel room.” She gripped onto Lucy’s arm, receiving a few swats from Lucy in response. “Stop trying to push me away. If I let you go, then you’ll just fall down!” Maggie scolded as she helped Lucy out of the bar, only stopping to lock up on the way out before walking Lucy to the passenger side of her car.

“I don’t want your fucking help!” Lucy still tried to pull her arm away. “God, why are you so fucking strong? That’s really hot; it’s not fair,” Lucy moaned.

Maggie ignored Lucy and shoved her into the passenger side. “I’m really not that strong,” Maggie said as she buckled her in. “You’re just wasted.” 

“I am not drunk!” Lucy tried to tell Maggie, but the door slammed in her face. Once Maggie was in the driver’s seat, Lucy turned to her. “That was fuckin’ rude!”

Maggie shook her head and started the car, driving toward the hotel. “I think you should just go to sleep,” Maggie sighed.

“I’m not tired.” Lucy knew she was acting childishly, but to be honest, she really didn’t care. “I’m feeling fantastic!” Lucy spread her arms out, nearly hitting Maggie in the face. Maggie cursed and grabbed Lucy’s arm to shove it back to Lucy’s side of the car. “I’m great, great, great!”

“Oh yeah, I can tell, you seem great,” Maggie muttered.

Lucy whipped her head around to face Maggie but groaned. “Fuck, why are there five of you?” Lucy slouched forward, her forehead ending up on Maggie’s shoulder. “That’s not fucking fair, stop it.” 

Lucy didn’t realize she was crying until Maggie eyed her with concern. “Hey, are you gonna be sick or something? Do you need me to pull over?” Maggie asked.

Lucy shook her head against Maggie’s shoulder. “I’m not sick, just tired.” Lucy heaved out a breath. “I thought I’d feel better now. It took me ten years, but I did it.” Her words were getting more slurred, and she was speaking slower. “I found her. No one else did it; I did it. But for some reason, I feel worse.” Lucy started laughing, and she leaned away from Maggie, tears still rolling down her cheeks. “How is it possible that I feel worse?”

Maggie kept silent, and Lucy just pressed her forehead against the cool glass of the passenger side window. They made it to the hotel, and Maggie pulled into a parking space. Lucy’s laughter morphed back into crying, which turned into sobbing. She felt pathetic crying in front of Maggie.

“Listen.” Maggie didn’t speak in a different tone than earlier, and for some reason that comforted Lucy. “I’m sorry. This can’t be easy, and you’ve been doing this alone for a long time.” Maggie paused briefly. “I wish I could offer to make this easier for you, but my priority is Alex. But there has to be someone that can help you.” 

Lucy’s sobs had turned into light sniffles now. She turned to look at Maggie with a smile. “Alex was my person.” Lucy unbuckled herself and after fumbling for a moment, she opened the door and got out. “Thanks for the ride, and can we forget this ever happened?”

Lucy stumbled toward the hotel entrance and hoped Maggie wouldn’t tell anyone about this.

—

Kara sat on top on the roof of the hotel, staring up at the night sky. As she listened to the town below her, she could hear everyone getting settled in for the night. People checking to make sure their doors were locked, turning their lights off, tucking in their kids, setting their alarms. Closing her eyes, Kara tried to pull her hearing inward and away from the sounds — remembering when she had just arrived at the Danvers’ and everything had been too much, too loud, and Alex had tried to help her.

_ “Just focus on my heartbeat.” Alex sat in front of her, close, but not close enough to touch her. _

_ Slowly tears trickled down Kara’s cheeks. “I can’t.” The sounds around her were overwhelming, and she couldn’t focus. _

_ “Yes, you can, I know you can!” Alex paused and reached forward slowly, making sure Kara could see her hand, stopping right before she made contact. She waited until Kara gave a short, jerky nod to lay her hand gently on the fabric covering Kara’s knee. “You are so much more than physically strong. I believe in you; I know you can do this.” _

_ Kara locked eyes with Alex, and she saw how much she really did believe in her, how much trust was there. Taking a deep breath, Kara closed her eyes and began trying to filter out all the noises around her to find Alex’s heartbeat. She started with people, their constant chatter. Next was the sound of all the vehicles around them, their moving parts, the tires against the asphalt. Finally, the constant crashing of the waves and the aquatic life that lived underneath the surface.  _

_ Focusing in on the human in front of her, she listened as the blood flowed through Alex’s body, pumping through that life-giving organ, and for a moment it was all she could hear.  _

_ Thump, thump, thump —  _

— Thump, thump, thump.

Kara opened her eyes. Without meaning to, she had focused on Alex, focused in on her heartbeat like when they were younger. Her eyes shifted to follow the sound, and she reached up to take off her glasses but stopped. It wouldn’t be right to intrude on Alex’s new life in this way. So instead, she sat there and let the heartbeat she never expected to hear again soothe her. 

A buzzing noise interrupted her moment of peace, startling Kara out of her tranquil state. She wanted to be mad, but as she pulled out her phone and saw it was Lena texting her, she couldn’t be angry.

__ _ ‘It’s been a while since your last update. How are things?’ _

Instead of typing out a reply Kara, hit the call button and brought the phone up to her ear.

“Hello, Kara,” Lena answered after the third ring.

“Hey, I just wanted to talk to you, is that okay?” Kara shifted nervously, realizing she hadn’t even checked to see what time it was. 

“Of course, it’s not like I was sleeping.” Lena chuckled. “I’m the one who texted you.”

“Oh, right.” Kara breathed out. 

“What was it you wanted to talk about?” Lena asked. As she spoke, Kara heard what sounded like papers shuffling and frowned.

“Are you still working?” Kara pulled her phone away from her ear to check the time. It was nearly three in the morning. She really hoped Lena wasn’t still working. “Why are you awake?” 

“Well, that is not what I thought you’d want to talk about.” Lena sounded amused. “I’m not technically working, no.” More paper shuffling, and Kara heard what sounded like the typing of a keyboard. “I just have a sort of pet project I’m working on.”

“At three in the morning?” Kara exclaimed.

“Yes, darling, at three in the morning.” The typing continued, and Kara huffed in response. “Now, what did you really want to talk about?”

Kara paused for a moment, unsure of how to word what she was thinking. “We— I saw her. Well, we met. She met me, because she doesn’t remember. Amnesia, like Lucy told me. And it’s weird.”

Lena pushed after Kara was silent for a moment. “How so?”

“Because it’s still Alex!” Kara said it louder than she meant to. “Sorry, it’s just… she looks different, completely different. What they did to her...” Letting out a shaky breath, Kara tried not to let her anger get the better of her. “I wouldn’t even recognize her if she passed me on the street; I would walk right past her.”

Hearing a crack Kara, immediately loosened her grasp on the rooftop where she was sitting. 

“Are you alright? What was that?” Lena asked anxiously.

Tossing the chunk away from her, Kara shook her head. “I need to work on my self-control,” she muttered, choosing to instead grip her own knee. “I’m just so angry.” It sounded like a growl when she spoke, and Kara wasn’t sure she had ever felt this much rage before. “I want to find the people who did this to her, and I want them to hurt as much as they’ve hurt us. I want to be the one to do it.” Kara closed her eyes, tightened her hold on her knee and thought of her cousin and Krypton.

Her parents would be ashamed of her; she was a monster.

“I know what it’s like to hate, to feel anger,” Lena said slowly. “You are justified in your feelings, don’t doubt that. There are some things that cannot be forgiven, nor forgotten, and they shouldn’t.” 

“What are you saying?” Kara asked breathily.

“That it is up to you how you channel this anger,” Lena responded. “How will you use it? I chose to change how the world sees the name Luthor, to wipe away what my family has done, to focus all my energy on making something new for myself, for the future. So, what will you do with your anger?”

Kara paused and slowly released the tight grip on her knee. “Thank you, Lena.”

—

Eliza sat next to Jeremiah on the hotel bed, her back against the headboard. Having gone through their nightly routine, they were both dressed for sleep, but neither moved to turn off the lights or lay down. Eliza knew they had to talk, but she had no idea how to start that conversation, and if she was being honest, she wasn’t even sure she  _ wanted _ to start it.

Both of them startled when a loud bang sounded from next door, followed by Lucy’s voice slurring some colorful curse words. Eventually the noise Lucy was making stopped, and Eliza turned to Jeremiah.

He looked tired when he met her gaze. “I’m sorry.” He let out a heavy sigh.

Eliza couldn’t help when her brows shot up; she hadn’t expected that from her husband. “What—” Swallowing, she started over. “What are you sorry for?”

Jeremiah turned to face Eliza more directly. There was shame in his eyes. “I haven’t been a good husband to you. I haven’t been the husband you deserve. When Alex was taken, I felt so powerless. Our little girl was taken, and I did nothing to stop it.” He sucked in a stuttering breath. “When I first held Alex in my arms after she was born, I knew that it was my job to keep her safe. It was up to me as her father to make sure that she would become the beautiful adult we knew she could be.”

Reaching over, Eliza grabbed one of his hands and held it between her own. Seeing him open up to her like this was refreshing. Communication had been lacking in their relationship for so long. But she was also so angry at him for keeping all of this to himself for so long. Still, she stayed silent and let him continue, holding onto his hand in support.

“So I had to get her back. It was my job; it was my responsibility.” Jeremiah gripped back at the hands holding his. “Which left you alone. I know I left you alone, and I’m sorry.” His head dipped as he stared at their hands. “I wasn’t there for you or Kara when you needed me. I don’t know why you’ve stuck around through it all, but I honestly don’t think I would’ve made it this far without you. I need you to know that.”

To make sure he was done, Eliza waited until his eyes met hers once more before starting. “I’m not going to lie to you and say that this makes things right, but it is a start.” Eliza frowned. “Before the DEO reached out to us, I was seriously considering leaving; you deserve to know that.” She watched as Jeremiah took in this news. “We had followed every possible lead to find Alex. There were no more leads, but you still wouldn’t let go. I was ready to accept the loss and move on.” Closing her eyes for a moment, Eliza tried to ignore the guilt she felt at the fact that Alex had indeed been out there all along. “At the time, I just wanted my husband back.”

“What about the DEO changed your mind?” Jeremiah asks, voice thick and eyes wet.

“I had lost all hope of ever finding Alex, but then the DEO came and we had a chance again — I had hope again. I never stopped loving you, Jeremiah. It was never about my love for you,” Eliza tried to get him to understand. “But you were never home, trying to find any lead to follow, and it became an obsession. You became a very different person when we ran out of leads.”

Jeremiah nodded, a far away look on his face. 

“This isn’t entirely on you, though,” Eliza admitted. “Neither of us have been the best we could be.”

“Yeah, we really should’ve tried harder with Kara and Lucy.” Jeremiah sighed and rubbed at his face with his free hand. “We really fucked up.”

Eliza chuckled. “That’s one way to put it.” She turned off the bedside lamp, covering the room in darkness.

Jeremiah settled down against the pillows and pulled his hand from Eliza’s grip to wrap it around her shoulders. She settled into his side, laying her head on his chest. 

“Did you know about Alex and Lucy?” Jeremiah asked after they’ve finally gotten comfortable. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“It was fairly obvious to me.” Eliza smiled as she reminisced. “Alex never showed any interest in any of the boys her age, and she never had a boyfriend, but I distinctly recall seeing a hickey on her neck once.” Eliza let out a laugh. “She also only hung out with two people, and one of them was her sister. That poor girl one morning was so incredibly grumpy, and I put it down to nightmares but now, looking back, Lucy had slept over that night in Alex’s room.” 

Jeremiah chuckled, making Eliza shake as she lay on his chest. “Oh, that’s—that’s not funny at all.” His laughter trailed off and his next words were spoken more seriously. “We should have tried harder to keep in contact with Kara after everything happened.”

Eliza nodded against his chest. “I don’t think she would have let us near her, but we should have tried.” 

They both lay there thinking about all of the lost time and missed opportunities. The excitement of seeing their daughter was still palpable, but now they could see all their mistakes in the years past. Eliza smiled as she felt Jeremiah kiss the top of her head. “We can talk more in the morning,” Jeremiah murmured. 

“A good idea.” Eliza sighed and closed her eyes. “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

—

Alex lay awake in bed with Maggie pressed against her. It was late in the morning, later than they usually stayed in bed, but neither had slept well, and it had been a rough day yesterday. Alex was still reeling from everything she had learned. She knew Maggie had a bad experience with Lucy last night, having come home from dropping off the woman with a sour expression, but neither had wanted to talk. Instead, they had just curled around each other and slept. Well, Alex tried to sleep, and Maggie slept fitfully in her arms.

She had gotten herself kidnapped. It had been her own fault — all of it. But she had done it for Kara, who was an alien with powers like Superman. Kara was related to Superman. 

Even thinking about it now was difficult. None of it made any sense to her, and her mind wanted to reject it. All of this buried trauma bubbling to the surface over the years, the glimpses of pain she’d suffered — it was all her fault. 

Maggie stirred in her sleep, and Alex tightened her hold on her, looking down to see a frown on her face even as she dreamed. Alex brushed her lips against Maggie’s forehead in an apology. She didn’t like what this was doing to her wife, how it was affecting her, but she knew that Maggie wouldn’t let her do this alone, and she wasn’t going to deny that Maggie’s presence yesterday had been the only thing keeping her together. 

Pulling away from her forehead, Alex smiled as Maggie’s frown disappeared and her expression smoothed out. Reaching down to the arm flung around her, Alex began a gentle caress and watched as Maggie stayed asleep for a moment longer before her eyes started to flutter open. 

Groaning, Maggie turned her head and buried it in Alex’s chest. “No, too early,” she mumbled and peaked one eye out from her place against Alex’s chest. 

Alex’s heart fluttered as she saw the pout on Maggie’s face and how her nose was scrunched up at being woken. “Actually, it’s rather late for us.” Alex ran a hand through Maggie’s hair, and Maggie sighed, relaxing at the feeling and resting her head against Alex’s chest again. “I figured we deserved to sleep in after yesterday.” 

“No kidding, babe.” Maggie snorted in response, leaning into Alex’s hand as she massaged Maggie’s head, fingers lacing through her dark locks. “That feels so good.” She moaned, barely able to keep her eyes open at the feeling. She let it continue for a moment before nudging the hand away. “Okay, enough.” Maggie looked at the clock, and her eyes widened. “Holy shit, babe, it’s so late. We have to get moving.”

Alex tightened her grip on Maggie when she tried to get out of bed. It earned her a stern look, but Alex didn’t budge.

“J’onn will be fine getting started on prep for the evening; it isn’t even noon.” Maggie softened as Alex spoke. They could always read each other very well. Alex has never been a slacker, but right now she wanted to stay in this bubble with her wife, in their home. She wasn’t ready to face the outside world yet, or the new people just outside their front door. 

Maggie lay back down, tangling their legs together and wrapping her arm around Alex’s midsection once more. They stayed like that for a while, comfortable in each other's presence, neither wanting to break the peace they’d made. 

“Talk to me,” Maggie said quietly.

“It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around,” Alex started slowly. “I can’t imagine how much I must have loved Kara to take her place.” She licked her lips, remembering the first time she saw the picture Lucy had shown them. “When I saw her in that picture, I felt something…” Alex let out a huff as she tried to find the right words. “It’s hard to explain.”

Maggie moved her arm that had been lying across Alex, reaching out to interlace their fingers. She moved their joined hands back up to rest over Alex’s heart. “It’s okay, take your time.” 

“I don’t know if I can describe it. The best I can come up with is when you remember part of a song, just a piece of it, and when you finally hear the rest of it, it isn’t what you remembered at all.” Alex clenched her jaw. “That probably doesn’t make any sense.” Alex shrugged her shoulders with a sigh.

Maggie watched her for a moment. “She makes herself small, she does it on purpose, to make herself as invisible as possible, I think,” she commented. “That moment she had where she just kept apologizing…” Maggie hesitated.

“What?” Alex asked.

Maggie’s mouth twisted. “Lucy did say that Kara blamed the entire thing on herself. That much guilt at such a young age...” Maggie shook her head.

Alex wondered if Kara had ever had anyone to talk to and shuddered at the thought that she might have been the only person Kara ever had. The Danvers were a broken family, that much was clear. Though it had taken Alex finding Maggie and years of therapy to figure out what healthy communication was. She wasn’t sure how she was going to handle going through all of that again with a new group of people.

“Driving Lucy back to the hotel last night was a very unique experience,” Maggie interrupted Alex’s thought process, and Alex raised a brow at her wife. “She was incredibly drunk.”

“This sounds like an adventure.”

“Oh, it was.” Maggie smirked at Alex. “She called me incredibly hot within the first five minutes, so at least we know she approves of your taste.” 

Maggie laughed as Alex lightly smacked at her. “Shut up!” Alex groaned, flushing lightly in embarrassment.

“But, honey,” Maggie pressed her lips into a flat line, her expression turning serious, “I think she’s very good at hiding how much pain she’s in. She was incredibly wasted, so I don’t think she’ll remember anything that happened, and it’s best if we both act like I’m not telling you any of this.” Alex watched as Maggie rubbed at her eyes. “When I was driving her back to the hotel she just… broke, and it was horrible.” 

“What do you mean?” Alex asked, brows furrowed.

“She just started crying, and at first I thought she was going to be sick, so I asked her if she wanted me to pull over, but instead she just started talking. It was sad; everything about her was just tired and broken.” Maggie let out a breath. “I don’t think she ever dealt with the trauma of losing you, she just dedicated her life to finding you and thought that if she ever did that it would fix everything.” Alex swallowed and looked at Maggie as Maggie continued. “She said that somehow everything is worse now.” 

Alex closed her eyes and gripped tightly to Maggie’s hand holding her own. It was becoming more and more obvious how little these people had truly dealt with the impact of her kidnapping. Now it was all coming to a head with her reappearance.

“I know you put up boundaries, so I asked her if she had anyone to talk to, to help her.” Maggie continued. “She told me that you were her one person.” 

“Fuck.” Alex opened her eyes and looked at Maggie, who looked just as upset as Alex felt. “Jesus Christ.”

“Hey, none of this is on you.” Maggie nudged Alex. “I offered to give her a ride, and if they never dealt with any of their emotions, that’s on them.” Alex gave Maggie a look, and Maggie shook her head firmly in response. “No, you aren’t blaming yourself for things that are out of your control. What they did after you were kidnapped is not your fault. And I know you love me.”

“I do.” Alex nodded.

“I love you too.” Maggie smiled. “And I could be a self-centered bitch and tell you that I don’t care about Lucy Lane’s feelings, but after what I saw, I can’t lie and say that.” Maggie took a deep breath. “You were once her friend, maybe more than a friend, but her friend first.” Alex nodded. “So, if you want to reconnect with her as friends, I’m okay with it. Hell, I’m pretty sure if I had met her before finding out she was your closeted teenage gay awakening, we would’ve ended up friends anyway.”

“Babe, no.” Alex started to sit up, but Maggie used their intertwined hands to push her back down. 

“I trust you to make boundaries clear. You aren’t looking to rekindle a relationship you don’t remember. And maybe this will help her move on from whatever has kept her tied to you.” Maggie tilted her head, and as she smiled her dimples showed. “Lucy doesn’t have anyone, and maybe this won’t work, but we have each other. She doesn’t have anyone. It’s worth a shot.”

As Alex gazed up at Maggie, the love she felt for her filled every cell of her body, warmth spread through her from head to toe. The way Maggie cared so much for other people — people she didn’t even necessarily like — made Alex fall in love all over again, and she never wanted to let her go. There were no words to describe how Alex felt in that moment.

“God, I love you.” Alex sounded breathless when she spoke, and she felt it, like the air had gotten knocked out of her at how Maggie had just proven she would give her all, heart and soul, to anything concerning Alex.

“I love you too.” Maggie leaned forward and kissed Alex, both determined to show each other how much the other was loved. Nothing would come between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >   
> _another shout-out to ****_ **[@noreasonatall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noreasonatall/pseuds/noreasonatall)** for beta-ing  
>  _leave a kudos + comment if you are enjoying the story! also feel free to check me out on **[tumblr](https://ins0mnia-an0nym0us-au.tumblr.com/)** or **[twitter](https://twitter.com/insomnia_anon)** _  
>   
> 


	8. CHAPTER EIGHT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >   
> Lucy keeps her promise to help Kara with her self-control.
>> 
>> Jeremiah and Eliza try to get to know Maggie.
>> 
>> Alex and J'onn talk.
>> 
>> Lena finds something.  
> 

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

“Jesus Christ!” Lucy ducked as steel hurtled toward her. Once she hit the dirt below, she turned to look at the chunk of steel that was now lodged in the debris behind her — yeah, that would’ve taken her head off.

“Sorry! I’m sorry!” Kara yelled from across the junkyard.

Lucy sat on the ground for a moment as the quick shot of adrenaline wore off and the headache from her hangover returned. “Fuck, kid, you have got to be more careful,” Lucy groaned as she stood slowly, wincing at the morning sunlight. Her sunglasses had gotten lost in the commotion. 

“I’m trying, I swear.” Kara came closer slowly and stayed a solid foot away from Lucy, making her raise a brow.

“I’m not scared of you. I never have been, and I never will be, so whatever this is —” Lucy gestured to the space in-between them. “— Stop it. This whole thing was my idea, but it probably wasn’t my smartest idea to start the morning after getting the most wasted I've been in years.” Lucy rubbed at her temples as Kara moved closer with a frown on her face.

“Why?” Kara asked as she played with the buttons on her coat. “Why did you get so drunk last night?”

As Lucy pursed her lips and turned her head away from Kara’s searching gaze, her eyes landed on her missing sunglasses, broken on the ground a few feet away. “Fuck.” Lucy let out a breath. “There are a lot of reasons kid, and none of them are happy.”

“But you did it, you found Alex!” Kara sounded confused.

“Yeah, and nothing is going like I expected it to.” Lucy turned her head to look back at Kara, who was biting her lip. “I don’t know what I expected but… not this.”

Kara looked down with a crinkled brow. “I didn’t expect this at all, so just.” With a deep breath, Kara slowly pulled Lucy into a hug. “Thank you, Lucy. Thank you for never giving up.” 

Lucy felt Kara shaking, and she wondered if Kara was crying or if she was scared of hurting her. It didn’t matter because Lucy wrapped her arms tightly around Kara and hugged her back as hard as she could, knowing it would never be tight enough. After a moment like that, they parted, and Kara once more began fidgeting, this time playing with the cuffs of her sleeves. It made Lucy smile. 

“It wasn’t for selfless reasons. You know that, Kara.” Lucy sighed, watching the constant motion of Kara’s fingers. 

“I haven’t been selfless either, Lucy, not like Kal.” 

Lucy shot Kara a glare that made her flinch, so Lucy immediately softened her gaze. Her anger wasn’t for Kara. “You know how I feel about your cousin, Kar.” Lucy reached over and placed a hand on Kara’s shoulder. “You’re more selfless than he ever has been, and you manage to help people despite all the fucked up shit that’s happened to you. I know about your whole Nighttime Crusader schtick; you aren’t subtle. I approve, though.”

Kara’s chin trembled, and Lucy wondered for a moment if she’d pushed too far, but she knew that using kid gloves on Kara wasn’t going to help anything. “We’ve both been selfish for different reasons, but we need to be better.” Lucy squeezed Kara’s shoulder. 

“I don’t know how to be better.” Kara replied quietly, and Lucy let out a sigh as she dropped her hand from Kara’s shoulder.

“I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I don’t know jack shit about it either. If you thought that I was going to mentor you into being some sort of better person...” Shrugging, Lucy laced her fingers together and put them behind her neck. “You’re out of luck, because you and I are more alike than you realize. The only difference is that you have to worry about breaking everything you touch.” 

Lucy could feel Kara staring at her, looking for something, but Lucy didn’t know what it was. She knew that Kara was angry, a smoldering rage that was similar to her own, if not identical. For so long Lucy’s had been dormant, laying underneath her clawing desperation to find Alex, but the moment she had turned around and seen Alex’s face in Sanctuary, what they had done to her? She hadn’t expected to find the same person, but to find someone completely different? That dormant anger had reignited.

“The first time I saw Alex.” Dropping her hands from her neck, Lucy kept her gaze away from Kara. “I couldn’t tell it was her until I saw her eyes, and even then, until we got the DNA tests back, I was so unsure.” Closing her eyes, she pictured Alex’s scar covered face, skin mangled with scars that never properly healed, until scar layered on top of scar became hard to distinguish from one another. The thought that those were only the ones Lucy could see made her shudder. “I want them to suffer like she did. I understand more than you know, Kara.” Finally opening her eyes and meeting Kara’s, she saw that simmering rage there. “But we have to be better for her. She’s a clean slate, and we have to prove ourselves to her.”

Kara swallowed and nodded. “Do you… Do you have any leads on CADMUS?” 

Lucy shook her head. “I’m still digging, but for now I’m focused on Alex, and you should be too.” Lucy rolled her shoulders. “Now, c’mon, let’s start again, from the top. And this time remember why we’re out here doing this.”

—

Maggie watched Jeremiah and Eliza with a careful gaze from her leather recliner as they ate the sandwiches she’d made them. As she tried to relax her stiff posture, she could see the little pieces of Alex in both of the people sitting close together on the sofa across from her. It was strange to see those pieces in these strangers, but she had promised to try, in the same way Alex had promised to try with them. So here she sat, having a late lunch with her new in-laws. 

“You two are scientists?” Maggie asked to break the silence that had filled the living room. 

“Yes, I’m a bioengineer, but Jeremiah is more of a generalized scientist,” Eliza responded with a smile. “Though he has a fondness for space.”

Maggie couldn’t help but smile wryly at that. “Alex loves the stars.” Maggie leaned forward, resting her forearms against her knees. “Ever since I met her she’s loved the stars.” Eliza and Jeremiah’s faces softened at that. “She said they comfort her.”

Jeremiah cleared his throat and set his plate down on the coffee table between them. “Back in Midvale we had this telescope, and when she was little — maybe around age four was the first time — she saw me looking up through it.” He got a far away look on his face as he spoke. “And she demanded to see what I saw, so I sat her up on my lap and let her look. I taught her the stars that way, and she fell in love with the stars then.” 

“For the longest time she insisted she was going to be an astronaut.” Eliza set her plate down next to Jeremiah’s before taking his hand. “Our little space-cadet.” 

“What changed?” Maggie asked as she tilted her head. 

“We would bring our work home so we could be with her, and she would ask us what we were doing.” Eliza explained. “She was always so inquisitive, so before she was in school, she’d just sit with one of us and ask us what we were doing.”

“But apparently she didn’t want to be a scientist.” Jeremiah had his brows furrowed in thought, and Eliza let out a sigh.

“Just because she was interested in what you were doing doesn’t mean she wanted to _be_ you,” Maggie explained with a shrug, leaning back. “But that’s not important now.”

“You’re right.” Eliza nodded. “I’m so grateful she found you.” 

Maggie ducked her head. “We found each other.” She tried not to shift under both of their gazes. “I wasn’t in the best place when we met, either.”

“Still, we are both so grateful for you,” Jeremiah insisted.

Maggie shrugged. “It wasn’t just me. As much as I wish it was just me, we built our own family here.” Remembering the times spent with J’onn, the protective warmth that came from him, made her smile. “J’onn was a big part — is still a big part — of our lives.”

Eliza and Jeremiah shared a meaningful look. “The man from Sanctuary?” Eliza asked.

“Yeah.” Maggie paused. “J’onn has been a father to both of us — neither of us had a father figure in a long time — or at all — until we met him.”

Jeremiah looked conflicted, and while Maggie knew it had to hurt hearing your daughter had inadvertently replaced you, she wouldn’t lie. Her and Alex had made a promise a long time ago to never lie to each other, no matter how painful it might be, and they both agreed to continue that promise with these strangers. 

“Listen… Alex has been concerned from the beginning about our feelings.” Maggie wiped her palms on her jeans. “J’onn and mine,” she clarified. “She’s been insistent that we aren’t being replaced, no matter what, and that whatever place you take in her life is new.” 

“We aren’t trying to replace anyone,” Eliza said, but Maggie gave a pointed look.

“That’s simple for you to say; you and Kara are the only ones here without people to replace.” Maggie looked at Jeremiah. “I just need both of you to know that any attempts to replace the family we’ve built will not end well. You’ll only push Alex away.” 

Maggie and Jeremiah stared at one another for a long, tense moment until he nodded. “I understand.” He let out a slow breath. “I just want my little girl back, in whatever way she’s willing.”

Maggie smiled. “We can work with that.” 

They sat in comfortable silence for a minute before Eliza spoke up. “Sanctuary is a unique name for a business.” 

“Maybe, but it’s fitting.” Maggie tilted her head as she spoke. “It’s meant to be a Sanctuary here in this small town for people who are struggling — with anything, really, but mostly for members of the LGBTQ+ community, especially the kids in town.” She remembered how it felt in Blue Springs when she realized she might like girls instead of boys, how alone she felt. She never wanted anyone else to feel like that. “It’s why we aren’t technically a bar. We want the younger kids to be able to come and go. We have alcohol to drink, but it’s not the main theme of the place.”

“Isn’t Alex an alcoholic?” Jeremiah asked.

“Well, she was four years sober until recently.” Maggie tried not to sound bitter at the fact that Lucy’s tactless arrival had caused Alex’s relapse. “If she’s having a hard time, then she just doesn’t do behind-the-bar service. That’s worked fine for us.” 

“She’s very honest with you about how she feels,” Jeremiah observed.

Maggie nodded. “She is. It took time, though, for us to agree to be honest with each other completely. Before, she used to just bottle things.” A smirk pulled at her lips as she remembered. “I wasn’t much better, though, and we finally just blew up at each other one day. She left, just stormed out, and I thought I’d never see her again, but hours later she came back.” She began tapping her fingers against the arm of the chair. “She hadn’t knocked on the door in months, but I heard this timid knocking and just knew it was her, so I opened the door and she was standing there soaking wet. It hadn’t even been raining, so I was confused.”

_“What happened to you?!” Maggie ushered Alex inside and then rushed for a towel. When she came back, Alex had closed the door and was standing there, shoulders hunched and eyes down to the floor where the water pooled at her feet. “Here, lemme go get you a change of clothes, just take those off and drop them there.” Alex nodded but didn’t speak._

_As Maggie got the clothes from their room, she paused, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Alex had come back. They could fix this — she could fix this. She wouldn’t lose Alex. No matter what happened, she wouldn’t let her problems impact this relationship, but she didn’t know if what she wanted to suggest would make things better or worse with Alex._

_Shaking her head, Maggie headed back to Alex. She had stripped and wrapped the towel around herself, her wet clothes in a heap at her feet. “Look at you.” Maggie chuckled and handed the clothes to Alex. Shehe reached out to the towel around Alex. “Can I?” Alex nodded, and Maggie unwrapped it, wiping some of the leftover water from Alex’s shoulders before stepping back._

_Alex dressed in silence, and Maggie scooped up the wet clothes from the ground. She took them to the bathroom and tossed them in the laundry hamper before heading to the living room where Alex had taken a seat on the couch. She sat down next to her, their thighs touching from how close together they were. “I didn’t expect you to come back,” Maggie admitted, and Alex looked up from her lap._

_“I wanted to keep running, but…” Alex swallowed. “Lately, everytime I run, it’s been to you.”_

_Maggie felt tears burning in her eyes as she swallowed past the lump in her throat, but before she could try to speak, Alex did._

_“I’m sorry.” Alex reached over and grabbed Maggie’s hand. “I’m not good at this.”_

_“No, hey, we were both wrong.” Maggie squeezed Alex’s hand. “I don’t think either of us are good at talking about how we feel. It’s not just on you.”_

_“I don’t want that to happen again. The way we were with each other wasn’t what I want us to ever be.” Alex shook her head._

_“Neither do I, and I have an idea about that.” Maggie ran a hand through her hair. “Don’t know if you’ll like it, though.”_

_“Anything. I want to be better.” Alex leaned forward._

_“I think we need to do some couples therapy.” Maggie put a hand up as Alex started to speak. “Just hear me out, please.” Maggie waited until Alex nodded to continue. “We don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to, but I think it would help us learn to communicate better. It could teach us boundaries and things about each other that we don’t know.”_

_Alex remained silent for a moment. “Okay, we can try it.” She leaned forward and placed her forehead against Maggie’s. “For you, I will.”_

_“Thank you.” They stayed like that for a moment before Maggie chuckled. “How did you end up soaking wet anyway?”_

_Alex let out a groan. “I don’t want to talk about it.”_

“Wait, so how did she end up soaking wet?” Jeremiah asked.

“It was late at night, and when it’s dark out in these areas where there’s no light pollution, you really can’t see anything in front of you.” Maggie grinned. “When I say that Alex ran away, I mean literally. Unfortunately, she isn’t the most clear-headed when she’s running, so she ended up running off in the pitch-black dark with no flashlight and ended up running right into a pond.” 

Eliza and Jeremiah both laughed at the image. 

“She wasn’t hurt, was she?” Eliza asked after a moment.

“No, just her pride. She ended up taking me there on a picnic date a week later.” Maggie smiled, rolling her eyes.

“She did always love the water.” Jeremiah sighed, leaning back into the couch. “In Midvale we lived next to the beach, and she loved the ocean.”

“Oh, she was a little fish as a child.” Eliza nodded. “She even started surfing later on.”

“Really?” Maggie asked, leaning forward excitedly. “Do you have any pictures of her in her little swimsuits?” 

“Of course! We’ll have to have some shipped out from Midvale, we have entire photo albums!” Eliza grinned at Maggie. 

Grinning back, Maggie couldn’t wait to get her hands on those pictures of her wife — she was positive her wife was the cutest kid she would ever see.

— 

Alex straightened the chair in front of her before turning back to look at J’onn behind the bar. He was staring back at her with a raised brow. “What?” she prompted.

He smiled softly at her. “Your thoughts are loud.”

“Sometimes I hate the fact that you can do that,” Alex grumbled, walking behind the bar to stand next to him.

“I know.” J’onn chuckled, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“You know what I was thinking about.” Alex leaned into J’onn’s embrace. “Do you think I’m being selfish?” 

Alex hummed as his grip on her tightened. “Maggie told you she was okay with you trying to be friends with Lucy, didn’t she?” J’onn said softly, and when Alex nodded he continued. “Then you know it’s true. She’ll come to you if she changes her mind.”

“I feel like I’m asking too much.” Alex’s breath hitched as she spoke. There was a part of her, deep down, that hated showing weakness. She didn’t know what it was, because she knew that J’onn would never judge her, but still she felt it. 

“Did you ask her for this?” J’onn rubbed Alex’s shoulders.

“No, but still —” Alex stopped when J’onn gripped her shoulder and gently turned her to face him. 

“The Maggie Sawyer I know would not do or say anything she did not want to.” J’onn looked her directly in the eye as he spoke, and Alex felt her eyes stinging with tears. “She’s doing this because she trusts and loves you, but also because she has one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen and she knows that Lucy is suffering.” 

Alex nodded. “I don’t know why, but seeing Lucy and Kara and everyone in pain, it’s hurting me.” Alex closed her eyes tightly, trying to fight back against the feelings. J’onn pulled her into a hug, cradling her head with one of his hands while the other rubbed her back.

“Deep in your soul, you know them, so you suffer along with them,” J’onn said sadly. “It is a connection that cannot be broken, not even if you’ve forgotten them in your mind, your soul knows — just as your soul aches for Maggie when she is in pain or my soul aches for you right now.”

Alex wrapped her arms around J’onn. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not something to apologize for.” J’onn pulled back enough to look down at Alex. “It is a beautiful thing, to have such a connection, and I would not trade it for anything else in the universe.” He leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead, making the tears Alex had been holding back for so long fall. She was scared of how much she already cared about these unfamiliar people. He was right; her soul remembered them even if she didn’t, and she didn’t like how vulnerable it made her. 

J’onn leaned his forehead against hers as she whispered, “My soul knows you too, so don’t go anywhere.” 

“Unless you ask me.” J’onn smiled. “I will never leave you.”

— 

Lena sifted through another pile of papers, ignoring the way her back ached from hunching over the boxes she had brought up to her office hours ago. Her once perfectly-done hair was now in a loose bun, strands of hair falling into her face and getting caught in her glasses. She’d taken out her contacts not long ago; the stinging was becoming unbearable, but she wasn’t about to stop her search.

The door to her office opened, causing her head to jerk up and her neck to crack. She winced but quickly schooled her face when she saw Jess with another box. “This is the last one, Ms. Luthor, but I really think you should go home; you’ve been here almost twenty-four hours.” Jess set the box down on the coffee table in front of Lena with a huff.

“Oh, has it really been that long?” Lena stretched groaning at the various pops from her back. 

“Yes, it’s nearing 4am.” Jess folded her arms a scolding tone to her voice.

Lena hummed and stood, grateful she had discarded her heels hours ago. “What’s my schedule for the day?”

“Well, nothing until later this afternoon, it is Sunday, but — ma’am!” Jess’s voice raised as Lena walked away from her and grabbed her phone from where it was charging on her desk. “You should go home and— and shower, sleep, eat, not necessarily in that order!”

“Jess, while I appreciate that you care enough to worry about my wellbeing, I would like you to remember your place,” Lena reprimanded her secretary in a cold tone. “However, please reschedule anything I had planned today. I need to finish this project I’ve started or I won’t be able to focus.” 

“Fine, but I’m ordering food for you to eat here and bringing you something more comfortable to wear since you won’t be having any business meetings.” Jess let out a huff that Lena ignored . Once she heard the door close behind the exasperated woman, she relaxed.

In truth her search had done nothing but frustrate her to no end. It was too much to hope her brother had stored everything digitally — of course he hadn’t, he wasn’t stupid. No, but he stored just enough to lead her in the right direction, so now her office was filled with boxes. Of course, it started with just one box, which pointed to another, which led to another, and in the end it wasn’t just her brother anymore.

While she may not know where or what CADMUS was, Lena now knew that her brother hadn’t actually had much to do with it. It was her mother.

Lena let out a heavy breath at the mess in her office. Walking over to the box Jess had left on her coffee table, she popped open the lid and picked up a file, flipped it open and began reading. 

While she had been given everything left of her family's things even the police didn’t know about, she doubted that whatever CADMUS was would just be laying out in the open. Even so, she had an obligation to Kara, to the Danvers, to find out what she could. 

As she pulled out another file and flipped it open, she nearly dropped it.

“What the hell.” Gripping the file tightly, she ran her eyes over the information. “Mother, you sick bitch.”

It wasn’t CADMUS, but it was a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >   
> _another shout-out to ****_ **[@noreasonatall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noreasonatall/pseuds/noreasonatall)** for beta-ing  
>  _leave a kudos + comment if you are enjoying the story! also feel free to check me out on **[tumblr](https://ins0mnia-an0nym0us-au.tumblr.com/)** or **[twitter](https://twitter.com/insomnia_anon)** _  
>   
> 


	9. CHAPTER NINE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >   
> Alex reaches out to Lucy.
>> 
>> The Danvers spend time with Alex and Maggie.
>> 
>> Kara and Maggie have a heart to heart.
>> 
>> Alex's nightmares continue to haunt her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > _sorry for the long wait - i hit a bit of a slump but i hope you enjoy it anyway. please leave a comment if you liked it and if you are looking forward to what's coming up! lemme know what you think might be coming up. i'm interested in your feedback!_  
> 

**CHAPTER NINE**

Lucy sat on the floor of the hotel room she was sharing with Kara, stripped down to her sports bra and shorts. She had her back against the wall and was facing the door so she could see if anyone came in as her laptop booted up on her knees. Kara had originally wanted to keep her company, but Lucy insisted she go out; the energy buzzing off the Kryptonian was palpable, and Lucy honestly didn’t want to deal with it.

“Finally,” Lucy muttered as her laptop finished booting up. She grimaced at the amount of notifications that popped up. She had neglected everything since finding Alex, and it definitely showed. 

Opening her email, she sighed. _232 unread emails._ Rolling her eyes, she began scrolling, deleting as she went. Most of it was useless spam that she could easily spot, but one made her pause. Opening it, she furrowed her brow. It was a picture of Midvale.

“What the hell?” Lucy grumbled. Having been doing private detective work for a while now and knowing the tricks of the trade, she opened up her Steganography ***** program and put the picture inside of it, looking for anything hidden within the picture. She honestly didn’t expect to find anything, so when it came back with a folder titled **Project Sinon** she just stared at it for a moment.

Opening the file, she threw the laptop away from her as images of a young Alex strapped to a metal slab came up on screen. She barely managed to keep from vomiting at the sight of her once-best-friend screaming in pain as people in lab coats cut into her. 

She knew that they had done things to Alex, it was obvious from the scarring, but she'd assumed they had put her to sleep. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Lucy reached over and yanked the laptop back onto her lap. Hundreds of files had opened, and as Lucy looked at the tabs she noticed most of them were pictures. This time she didn’t stop herself from lunging for the trashcan nearby and vomiting into it. Hundreds of photos of Alex, naked, cut into, screaming in pain. She continued to heave into the bin even after everything came up, her eyes stinging.

Sweat dripping from her forehead as she sat back against the wall, she glanced at the laptop on the floor next to her. It had gotten overturned in her hurry to not throw up all over herself, and she was grateful. But she remembered the couple of documents she saw in those tabs and grimaced. 

Grabbing the laptop, she closed the photos as quickly as she could, trying not to look at them. After what seemed like forever, she reached the first document and let out a breath. It was mostly redacted information, but there was a name, one that she recognized.

**Sam Lane**

What the hell was her father doing in this record?

—

Alex wiped her hands on her jeans absentmindedly before raising her hand to knock on the door in front of her. She couldn’t help but smile at the muffled cursing that filtered through the wood. 

“It’s Alex,” she called softly, watching the shadow underneath the door as it moved closer. She shoved her hands into her pockets as the door flung open to reveal Lucy. The lack of expression on her face made Alex uncomfortable. “Hey, I wanted to ask if you wanted to get some lunch. Um, I wanted to get to know a little more about you and about our friendship.” 

They stood for a moment in silence, Lucy gazing off into nothing over Alex’s shoulder. 

“Hey, Lucy, are you okay?” Alex reached out but didn’t touch Lucy. The normally expressive woman was completely blank, and as Alex’s hand neared her she startled, her gaze moving to meet Alex’s. 

“What, no, I’m fine, sorry.” She stepped backward as she spoke. “No, no lunch, I have to finish something, sorry.” The more she spoke, the more she closed the door until it clicked shut, leaving a confused Alex staring at the wooden surface.

—

Maggie watched as Alex and Kara stared each other down over their cards. During their game, they had moved from their seats to the floor and had gotten as close as they could to the coffee table where the rest of the cards were. Jeremiah and Eliza sat on the couch behind Kara, her space between them still vacant, and they both looked amused at the girls’ antics. Jeremiah was munching on a bowl of chips, his eyes sparkling as he watched the girls in front of him.

“You better not fucking put down a draw four.” Alex pointed at Kara who was putting down her next card only to pause when Alex spoke. Maggie laughed, prompting Alex to glare at her. “Hey, you’re supposed to be on my side!” 

“Kara, put it down, do it.” Maggie gestured to the cards in Kara’s hand while she chuckled, and Kara set down the draw four.

“Uno.” Kara grinned.

“Goddammit, how are you so good at this?” Alex grumbled while drawing the four cards. She paused on the third and then glared at Kara. “Wait a second, you have X-ray vision!” 

Kara flushed. “I’m not using it!” Kara squeaked.

“You little cheater!” Alex flung her cards at Kara, who laughed.

“I can’t believe it took you this long to notice.” Maggie grinned, nudging Alex with her foot. 

“Wow, babe, wow, you’re supposed to be on my side.” Alex grumbled as she picked up all the cards. 

“I am! Don’t give me that look — tell me she used that face on you when she was little.” Maggie looked away from the pout Alex was giving her to Jeremiah and Eliza.

“Oh yeah, it worked wonders on Jeremiah.” Eliza chuckled. “She could get him to do just about anything.” 

Maggie could tell that Alex didn’t want them to leave yet, even though they had only come over to play a few games. So once Alex and Kara had finished gathering all the cards and put them back in the box on the coffee table, she cleared her throat. “Would you guys like to stay and watch a movie?” Maggie watched as Alex’s head shot up, gratitude exuded from her eyes.

“Of course, if it’s not going to be a problem.” Jeremiah nodded happily. 

“I wouldn’t offer if it was going to be a problem,” Maggie said as she stood. “I’m going to clean up a bit. Why don’t you guys decide on a movie?” She gathered the various snack bowls, plates, and cups and carried them carefully into the kitchen. She set them in the sink, started the water, waited for it to heat up a bit, and began to scrub them.

“You, uh, missed one.” Maggie jumped as Kara’s soft voice came from next to her, and she turned to look at the younger Danvers, who was looking back at her with wide eyes. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!”

Though Maggie knew that Kara could hear her racing heart, she just smiled and took the plate she was being offered. “How about as payment for nearly scaring me to death you wash the dishes, and I’ll dry.” Maggie set the plate in the sink with the others as the water began to steam.

“Uh, okay.” Kara moved to where Maggie had been standing once Maggie slid out of the way. She grabbed the sponge on the side of the sink and started washing, a look of concentration on her face. 

“Hey, we won’t be mad if you break a dish.” Maggie told her softly, seeing how carefully Kara washed each dish. “If we got mad at each other for every broken dish, there’d be a lot of fighting in this house.” She chuckled as she dried the dish handed to her.

Kara looked at Maggie curiously and opened her mouth, but no sound came out. Maggie waited patiently. “Why do you guys break so many dishes?” Kara finally mumbled.

“Your sister is a bit of a klutz, especially when she’s flustered.” Maggie grinned. “I tend to fluster her.” 

Kara grinned back at her. “Pretty girls are hard not to get flustered by,” Kara lamented.

“You’re telling me.” Maggie huffed. “You have a pretty girl getting you flustered?”

Kara flushed and accidentally snapped the plate she was holding in two, making Maggie laugh. “Sorry.” Kara grimaced, taking the two bits of the plate and tossing them into the trashcan nearby.

“Like I said, it’s fine, and it also answered my question,” Maggie said, smirking.

“We only just met, really. We’re friends, and she’s really nice.” Kara shrugged, careful with the next dish she washed. She finished quietly, though, eyes stuck on the water rinsing away the suds on the dish. “But I think she might be the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” 

Maggie took the dish from Kara and began drying it. “Sounds like when I met Alex.” Maggie hummed. “But I also thought she was dying of heatstroke, so a bit different too.”

They continued on in silence for a bit longer until all the dishes were washed and put on the drying rack. Kara started to wipe her wet hands on her jeans before Maggie smacked her with a towel. “I swear, the more I hang around with you Danvers the more I see where Alex gets things from.” Shaking her head, Maggie folded her arms and watched Kara sheepishly wipe her hands on the towel. 

“I’m just not used to having other people around me.” Kara shrugged as she hung the towel where Maggie showed her. Normally, Maggie would do her best not to stare, but the longer she looked at Kara the more she saw little pieces of Alex — small things, but she also saw so much sadness. 

“I was like that for a long time too.” Maggie leaned against the counter as she spoke softly. “After my aunt died, I didn’t really have anyone, but then I met Alex.” Maggie watched as Kara gripped the fingers of one hand tightly with the other, as if trying to stop herself from reaching out or fidgeting. “We were both alone, but mostly lonely. I think we had gotten used to it though, so when we started hanging out more it was kind of exhausting as much as it was amazing.”

“People are…” Kara swallowed and looked down at her hands. “Fragile.”

Maggie nodded and wondered for a moment what it would be like to break everything she touched, even her wife, and she wanted to cry for Kara but forced it down. “Well, some of us are a bit less fragile than others.”

“Babe, you guys get a hand stuck in the sink or something?” Alex’s voice called from the living room, and Maggie straightened from her place leaning against the counter. 

“We’re coming, smartass,” Maggie called, ignoring Alex’s reply (“You like my ass!”).

Kara walked with Maggie back into the living room, and Maggie bumped her shoulder into Kara’s, a smile on her face. 

— 

Alex watched as Maggie walked back into the room with Kara. They were smiling, and Kara’s shoulders seemed looser than before. Maggie immediately beelined for Alex’s lap, and Kara took her place back between the Danvers on the couch. “What movie did you guys pick?” Maggie asked as she wrapped an arm around Alex’s neck and made herself comfortable. 

“Jurassic Park,” Alex answered, humming as Maggie’s fingers played with the baby hair on her neck.

“A classic.” Jeremiah said between crunches of his chips, his eyes glued the screen as the movie started. “I’m relieved you have such amazing taste in movies.” Eliza smacked him and Alex laughed. “What?”

“Stop talking with your mouth full. I swear, it’s no wonder Lucy behaves the way she does.” Eliza clucked, leaning over Kara to wipe some of the crumbs from Jeremiah’s face. 

“This is one of Lucy’s favorites.” Kara spoke up softly between the two adults. 

“Really?” Alex asked with a raised brow, looking over to her sister.

“Yeah, shame she didn’t want to come to game night,” Elize said. “She would’ve loved this.”

“So she turned down that invite too?” Alex narrowed her eyes at that, and Maggie stopped stroking the back of her neck, looking at her curiously.

“You reached out to her today?” Maggie asked softly. 

“Yeah, but she pretty much slammed the door in my face when I asked if she wanted to get lunch.” Alex furrowed her brow. “She was acting kinda weird, but I don’t really know her.” 

“Lucy would never turn down time with you.” Kara mumbled, causing both of the women to turn and look at her, and she shrunk under their gazes. “She just… wouldn’t.”

Silence fell over the room as the movie continued, though none of them were thinking about the dinosaurs on screen.

— 

**So much pain it was blinding.**

**The sounds of bone crunching, flesh tearing, and humming — someone was humming. She wanted to scream, but nothing came out. The humming stopped but the pain continued. “I will admit. My son was right — though don’t ever tell him I said that; he has a large enough ego.” The voice was feminine and spoke like nothing unusual was happening. “Some of my other colleagues may take pleasure in making their patients scream, but personally it’s always just given me a headache, and you, dear, are quite the screamer.”**

**The sound of glass cracking echoed throughout the room.**

**The voice continued as if nothing had happened. “Such a shame, really, that I only took my son's advice now. Still. One final procedure done in peaceful quiet is just the way to end this project. Hopefully you won’t be a complete failure after I’m done.”**

**A pounding started at the base of her head and slowly spread until her entire head felt like something was trying to get out. “Now remember, this is very important for you to remember, just this: Historic scores cannot be settled, and scars cannot be obliterated.”**

**She was back in the dark. It was cold and she felt something hitting against the skin on her back. It was wet. She realized her eyes were closed and opened them. It was still dark but there was a light far in the distance. Was she free? Slowly, she started to pull herself toward the light, but immediately the ground started sinking. Panicking, she gripped onto the dirt. She had made it this far; she wouldn’t drown in the dirt, she wouldn’t.**

**“Alex!”**

**A new voice. The light was getting closer. Would it help her?**

**“Babe, wake up!”**

**She was being pulled down faster, and she could feel something grabbing her legs. She wouldn’t go. Reaching for the light in desperation, she screamed —**

**—** Alex was screaming. Blinking in the dark, she tried to take in her surroundings, but it was hazy. She realized she had a tight grip on something and focused on that. Underneath her was Maggie, she was straddling her wife, a hand gripping Maggie’s wrists tightly against her chest and her forearm pressed against Maggie’s neck. 

Horror overcame Alex, and she let go of Maggie, scrambling off the bed with a thud. “Alex, hey, no, don’t you dare run away from me right now.” Maggie followed quickly behind Alex as she retreated to the bathroom, trying to close the door behind her but unable to make sure it shut before she hastily threw up the junk food she had consumed earlier during movie night. 

Not once had she been violent during her nightmares. She didn’t want this. She never wanted this.

Cool hands raked through her short hair and rubbed at her back. “You done?” Alex nodded and sat against the side of the tub as Maggie flushed the toilet. Moving around the bathroom in silence, Maggie got a glass of water and wet down a washcloth before moving to sit with her wife, all while Alex watched carefully.

“Here, spit in the toilet.” Maggie gave her the glass of water and Alex did as was told, rinsing once, twice, and then downing the rest of the glass. She hummed at the feeling of the cool washcloth on the back of her neck. She hadn’t realized how hot she’d gotten. “There you go,” Maggie soothed.

“Sorry.” Alex couldn’t look at Maggie as she spoke, turning her head away from her to stare at the wall. 

“This wasn’t your fault, Alex, you know that, we both do.” Maggie just pressed the cloth harder to the back of her neck as she spoke. “This was new but, babe, not completely unexpected from me.” 

Alex knew better than to hold back her tears around Maggie, so they flowed freely down her face as she turned back to face her. There were already bruises forming on her wrists, and Alex reached over and gently caressed them. “I did that.” Alex felt sick again, but she swallowed it down as Maggie gently redirected her gaze.

“You didn’t know it was me.” Maggie smiled softly at Alex, and after a minute of letting Alex caress her bruises took Alex’s hands in her own, brought them up to her lips and kissed them. “I trust you more than anyone I have ever known, no matter how many nightmares you might have.” 

Alex shook her head and let out a shuddering breath. “I can’t keep doing this.”

“Okay, okay, you haven’t slept well the past few days. Take a deep breath, and tomorrow you and me are going to relax all day.” Maggie pulled Alex into her, letting Alex rest her head on her chest. “No work, no family, no drama, nothing but us and our bed.” 

Alex was fraying at the edges, she could feel it. But as she slowly unraveled, she felt something else that she just couldn’t quite see yet revealing itself. It was making her nervous. She needed to sleep.

— 

Lucy stood under the scalding spray of water. It was the third shower she’d taken since she started going through all of the files sent to her but it wasn’t helping the dirty feeling crawling over her skin. Her hands pressed hard against the tile in front of her, head hanging down as she stared at the water circling the drain at her feet. 

Her eyes began to sting from staring for so long. She couldn’t feel her limbs anymore, even though they continued to hold her up. A choked gasp left her mouth without permission, startling her, and she slowly sank down to the floor of the tub. Wrapping her arms around her knees, she curled as tightly as possible as the water continued to beat against her back. 

Lucy cried for her best friend whose screams she’d never get out of her head. She sat there even after the water turned cold, tears running down her cheeks, shoulders shaking as she quietly wept. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >   
> _another shout-out to ****_ **[@noreasonatall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noreasonatall/pseuds/noreasonatall)** for beta-ing  
>  _leave a kudos + comment if you are enjoying the story! also feel free to check me out on **[tumblr](https://ins0mnia-an0nym0us-au.tumblr.com/)** or **[twitter](https://twitter.com/insomnia_anon)** _  
>   
> **_*Steganography_** _is the practice of concealing a file, message, image, or video within another file, message, image, or video._  
> 


	10. CHAPTER TEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >   
> J'onn runs into Kara and finds out they have a lot more in common than he thought.
>> 
>> Eliza checks on Lucy.
>> 
>> Alex and Maggie have a sleepy, peaceful, afternoon.
>> 
>> Jeremiah and J'onn come to an understanding
>> 
>> Lucy finally tells someone about CADMUS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >   
> _i just wanna remind everyone that i hurt lucy because i **care** \- she didn't get enough character development in the show because she wasn't on it for more than one season. i'm not doing this to her out of like... hatred or anything. i **fucking love** lucy lane so much. remember, in the end, it's gonna be okay_  
> 

**CHAPTER TEN**

J’onn walked slowly along the dirt road, taking his time in the cold, early morning air. The sun hadn’t even started to come over the horizon yet, and the world was quiet except for the nocturnal creatures beginning their bedtime routines. As the junkyard came into view, he felt his shoulders relax. It had been a very tense few days, and he hadn’t felt the urge to let off some steam in a long time, at least not this intensely.

It was hard living in this human skin, the skin of Hank Henshaw, and he sometimes wished he could live in his own, even for a day. But getting to be with his daughters was worth it. It brought a smile to his face, thinking about Alex and Maggie, the family they had built together and included him in. If he wanted, he could walk around in his own skin with them, but there were risks to that and none of them were worth losing what he had gained.

Feet crunching on debris as he crossed the threshold of the junkyard, J’onn stopped and took in the scrap tossed around carelessly, car parts in craters and razor sharp metal embedded into various surfaces. He hadn’t caused this destruction; he knew that for a fact. So what had? 

A loud bang sounded throughout the junkyard, followed by a woman’s voice yelling in frustration. Startled but also confused, J’onn followed the voice coming from further in.

“Remember the reason, remember!” 

As J’onn made his way around a large pile of various junked objects, he finally saw the source of all the noise. Blonde hair thrown up in a messy pony-tail, shirt sleeves rolled up and holding a chunk of metal, stood Kara Danvers. She had a look of deep concentration as she held the metal, and for a long moment J’onn didn’t understand what she was doing, until the sound of metal tearing apart reached his ears.

“Goddammit!” she cursed and angrily threw the pieces away from her.

Deciding to make his presence known, J’onn cleared his throat. “Would you like some help?” Stepping a couple steps forward, he watched her freeze in place before slowly turn toward him. She looked like a scared animal and he just smiled at her. “It’s alright, you are among kindred spirits.”

“I don’t…” Kara paused, her eyes narrowing at him for a moment. Without saying anything, he shifted into his true form, watching as Kara gaped at him.

“As I said: kindred spirits.”

Kara straightened her glasses and moved toward him. “That’s um, sorry, I didn’t realize.” She stuck her hand out. 

J’onn shifted back into human form before taking it in his and shaking it. “I know, it’s not a well-known secret.” J’onn smiled softly at her, watching as blue eyes examined him closely. 

“Do Alex and Maggie know?” She sounded worried, and there was a small crinkle in between her brows.

J’onn nodded. “They are the only others who do know.” 

The crinkle in Kara’s brow smoothed out. J’onn tried to reach his mind out to hers, wanting to know what worried her and whether he had made the correct choice in sharing his origin, but he only found silence. This made his own brows raise in shock. 

“Why’d— why would you tell me?” Kara asked, breaking him from his shock. She was picking at her cuticles, gaze turned down as she did so. “Not that I don’t appreciate it or anything, but it’s a big deal, and you don’t know me, not really.” 

“You’re Alex’s sister, and you obviously aren’t from here yourself.” Kara stilled when he said this. “I know what it’s like trying to live as a human, scared of hurting others that you care for but still afraid they might hurt you if they find out.” Her gaze finally moved to meet his; it was filled with fear. “It’s lonely, even if you have people who care for you.” 

“Kindred spirits.” Kara breathed out, and J’onn grinned at her. He reached a hand out between them, letting her come to him. She eyed it for a moment before slipping her hand into his. 

“Let’s see how strong you are, and how strong I am.” J’onn squeezed her hand tightly, and she gasped.

“I can feel you.” Kara looked at their hands in awe, and in that moment J’onn felt in his bones that he had gained another daughter.

— 

Eliza knocked for the second time on Lucy and Kara’s hotel room. She knew Kara was out, had gotten a text from her not long before she woke saying she was out. But Lucy hadn’t been out of the room since yesterday. She was worried. It wasn’t a new feeling when it came to her children, but now she was close enough to do something about it. She wasn’t going to sit on her hands while Lucy tried to distance herself.

“Lucy, open up. It’s just me, honey,” Eliza called through the door. There was some brief shuffling on the other side before it swung open, and Eliza slid into the room before Lucy could stop her.

“Hey!” Lucy protested but stopped at the look Eliza gave her, instead just letting out a sigh.

Eliza inspected Lucy closely, noticing the pink look to her skin, her wet hair and tired eyes. “Sweetie, what’s going on?” She reached out and brushed a strand of wet hair out of Lucy’s face, only for her to flinch back.

“Nothing for you to worry about.” Lucy muttered, shoving past Eliza and beginning to search through the pockets of the various clothes scattered on the floor.

Eliza huffed. “Well I _do_ worry about you. That’s not going to change, so please, talk to me.”

Lucy stilled for a moment before shaking her head. “It’s not like there’s anything you can do, all right, this isn’t fixable, and it’s not something I want your help with anyway,” Lucy said angrily, pausing when she stuck her hand in a pair of jean pockets, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. “Finally!”

“Lucy Lane!” Eliza folded her arms, and when Lucy turned around she looked exactly like the first time Eliza had caught her smoking after Alex had been taken — 

_“You will not put that cancer in your body!” Eliza reached to snatch the pack of cigarettes from Lucy but was angrily shoved away._

_“The fuck, Eliza? You aren’t my mom!” Lucy shoved the pack back into her jacket pocket, keeping the lit one between her teeth. “It’s not like I ever see you anyway; I’m states away now. You can’t control me!” And she took off._

_“Lucy! Come back here!” —_

“What?” Lucy grunted, shoving the pack into her current jeans pocket and folding her own arms. 

“You know how bad those are for you.” Eliza sighed. “I thought you stopped smoking.”

Lucy’s folded arms tightened and she frowned. “I never said I stopped. You assumed because I didn’t smoke around you.” Lucy rolled her eyes, and Eliza watched in silence as she picked up a jacket from the floor and put it on. “With you and Jeremiah, if it was out of sight, it was out of mind. Unless it was Alex.” 

Eliza wanted to protest but thought about Lucy and Kara, how they hadn’t tried hard enough with either of them. How Kara managed to push them away without much effort, especially once she moved out, and how Lucy had always been the one to reach out to them. 

“I’m sorry.” Eliza closed her eyes, unable to look at Lucy as she spoke. “Jeremiah and I… No, just, **I** should’ve done better with both of you, but please, I’m trying now, just let me in.” She opened her eyes and looked at Lucy.

Eliza saw the wall come up in Lucy’s eyes, the moment she lost her chance, and Lucy scoffed. “Haven’t I done enough for you?” Lucy shook her head. “I did your job, I _**found** _her, but you still want so much from me. Fuck off, I said I don’t want your help!” Lucy stomped past Eliza and out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

While Eliza knew Lucy was just trying to push her away, it still hurt, so she let her go. She’d have to try again some other time.

— 

Alex scrunched up her nose as she woke, burying her face in the soft warmth underneath her. It shook as she did so, making her peak out from it. 

“Hey.” It was Maggie. Alex was laying on top of her, head on her stomach. “You waking up?”

“No.” Alex grumbled, burying her face back into Maggie’s stomach, and Maggie laughed again.

“Normally, I would be all for you going back to sleep, but I let you sleep on top of me for the past few hours and I really have to pee.” Maggie ran a hand down Alex’s back.

“Ugh, fine.” Alex sat up, letting Maggie kiss her as she stood from the bed and walked to the bathroom. Alex checked the clock couldn’t help but smile. After her breakdown last night, she hadn’t expected to get any more sleep, but Maggie had insisted on cuddling in bed for a while. Turns out she’d slept for a few hours peacefully. 

“Feeling rested?” Maggie asked from the doorway, and Alex turned to face her, taking in the sight of her wife leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed loosely in front of her, in nothing but a worn-out t-shirt and shorts. She was radiant in the morning light peaking through the curtains.

“Better than last night.” Alex stood and walked over to Maggie, and slipping her arms around her waist, she pulled her close. “Thank you.”

“You never have to thank me for caring about you.” Maggie sighed as she rested her head on Alex’s shoulder, her own arms wrapping around Alex. 

“You still deserve to hear it.” Alex kissed the top of Maggie’s head. They stood like that, enjoying each other’s embrace in the quiet of their home without worry, until Alex’s stomach growled and Maggie laughed. 

“Someone is hungry.” Maggie stated, pulling back and looking up at Alex with amusement in her eye. “Why don’t you take a shower and I’ll make us some lunch.”

Alex pouted at that. “Or you could shower with me and then we can have lunch.” Alex proposed wiggling her eyebrows and shuffling them toward the bathroom. She leaned down and nibbled at Maggie’s neck, making her giggle. 

“You have such good ideas,” Maggie said, pulling Alex up from her neck and into a chaste kiss.

— 

Jeremiah watched J’onn as he wiped down the bar in front of him, calm and unhurried in his movements. It was frustrating seeing this man that he knew Alex considered a father in so many ways, but he also knew he should be thanking this man for taking care of his daughter when he couldn’t. 

“Would you like a drink, Dr. Danvers?” Jeremiah jumped as J’onn asked him in a quiet tone, somehow managing to move in front of him from behind the bar without a sound. “You seem to have a lot on your mind.”

“Uh, just some water is fine.” Jeremiah received a smile in response, and he waited until J’onn came back with the water. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” J’onn nodded, beginning to turn around to go back to the bar.

“I should thank you,” Jeremiah spoke up, and J’onn turned back to face him. “For everything you’ve done for Alex.” 

“It’s nothing,” J’onn responded simply.

“Except it’s not, none of it is. The way she talks about you and looks at you...” Jeremiah gestured to the seat across from him, and J’onn sat cautiously. “It was hard at first, admitting that someone had taken my place, but I had to admit it to myself.”

“Sir, no one—” J’onn started, stopping when Jeremiah raised a hand.

“She doesn’t remember me or any of the moments we had together. I’ve been replaced because she didn’t know I was there to be replaced.” Jeremiah let out a tired sigh and took a sip from the glass of water. “I won’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt, because it does. But you’ve been there when she needed someone, and I have to thank you for that.” 

J’onn nodded. “It’s been a pleasure knowing your daughter.”

“You know that my wife and I work for the DEO,” Jeremiah said, and when J’onn nodded he continued. “I’m going to assume you are well aware that the former director was Hank Henshaw.” J’onn once more nodded. “You look exactly like him.”

“Sir, are you threatening me?” J’onn’s voice had lowered, and Jeremiah realized his mistake.

“What? God, no — sorry, that came off rather suspicious, didn’t it.” Jeremiah set the glass he had been holding back down. “I wanted to assure you I wouldn’t tell anyone about your… striking resemblance to our former director, and neither will my wife.” Jeremiah watched as J’onn relaxed in his seat. “We’ve heard the stories of Hank Henshaw’s ways, I have no doubt whatever happened was **completely** justified on your end simply based on the way you’ve treated my… our girl.” 

J’onn silent for a long moment. “Thank you, and I hope you know that Alex is truly trying to connect with all of you.” J’onn stood from his seat.

“I know, just like I know trying to get in between family, even found family, is a terrible idea.” Jeremiah smiled one last time at J’onn before letting him get back to his place behind the bar. He still didn’t like the idea of his daughter viewing anyone else but him as a father, but Alex could’ve chosen someone a lot worse.

— 

Lucy took another long inhale of the cigarette between her fingers, enjoying the familiar comfort that she knew was slowly killing her. She had lied earlier. Well, mostly — just like she’d _mostly_ quit smoking. But she’d kept a pack around, a safety net for stressful situations when she needed it most.

She didn’t didn’t turn as someone sat next to her on the grassy hill, keeping her eyes set straight ahead. Recognizing the warm presence next to her, she took another inhale of the cigarette. They sat together in silence for a while, enjoying the cool breeze together. 

Kara finally broke the silence. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m here, okay?” 

Lucy grit her teeth and debated ignoring Kara and the conversation she knew would happen if she didn’t. But she was tired, and Maggie’s words from days before played in her mind. _“But there has to be someone that can help you.”_

She turned and let out a sigh as her gaze met the otherworldly blue of Kara’s. “I got a lead.” It spilled out before she could stop it, and there was no going back now. “I have a lead on CADMUS.”

Kara’s eyes widened, and her hands dug into the dirt beneath them. “I don’t—” She cut herself off and looked away from Lucy.

“It’s a lot, I know.” Lucy took another pull from her cigarette, holding it in for a few seconds before releasing the smoke through her nose. “I don’t know how it happened, but someone sent it to me. A shit ton of stuff on CADMUS, nothing current and a lot of it redacted.”

“That’s why you’ve been acting so weird,” Kara said, loosening her grip on the dirt, clumps of it falling out of her grip and grass sticking to her hands. 

“I’m going to find these fuckers and I’m going to make them pay,” Lucy growled, turning to look away from Kara and off into the distance again. “My head was all over the place, the things I saw in those files.” Lucy closed her eyes and tried to push back the images of Alex being cut open. “I’m not showing them to you, not ever, Don’t ask me to.”

“I don’t want to see them,” Kara responded quickly. “But I’m in this now; we’re in this together, so don’t try to talk me out of this. Those monsters **deserve** to suffer.” 

Lucy could practically feel the rage coming from Kara. This was what she had wanted to avoid. She knew Kara was already headed down a dark path but now Lucy was practically holding her hand down it. It didn’t matter, though; it’s not like she could stop Kara from doing what she wanted. “I’m not going to try and stop you, but you **have** to listen to me.” Lucy took one final drag from her cigarette before smashing it into the ground. “I mean it kid, if I say something isn’t happening, then you listen.” Lucy looked back over at Kara, who was frowning.

“I’m not a kid anymore, Lucy, even if you keep calling me one.” Kara stared back at Lucy, her gaze never wavering. “But I’ll follow your lead.” 

“Okay, that’s good enough for now.” Lucy let out a slow breath. “I know where to start, and it’s gonna suck.” Lucy stood and offered her hand out to Kara, who took it as she stood. “We need to go visit my dad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >   
> _another shout-out to ****_ **[@noreasonatall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noreasonatall/pseuds/noreasonatall)** for beta-ing  
>  _leave a kudos + comment if you are enjoying the story! also feel free to check me out on **[tumblr](https://ins0mnia-an0nym0us-au.tumblr.com/)** or **[twitter](https://twitter.com/insomnia_anon)** _  
> 


	11. CHAPTER ELEVEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >   
> Lucy and Kara confront her father
>> 
>> Lena gets a phone-call
>> 
>> Alex and Maggie work a mostly peaceful night at Sanctuary
>> 
>> Lucy starts to break  
> 

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

**TRIGGER WARNING - PLEASE READ TAGS - DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT FEEL CAPABLE**

The moon shone from the clear sky above Lucy and Kara as they walked to the childhood home Lucy vaguely remembered. Faint memories of her mother rose up, but she pushed them down as she clenched her fists. 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Kara asked as she walked steadily next to Lucy. 

“We need answers, and the only name I recognized in those files was Sam Lane. If he knows something about what happened, then he has to talk.” Lucy needed to do this. If her father had anything to do with what happened to Alex, she wanted to know. She needed to know. 

The front door swung open to reveal the silhouette of her father. “This is private property!” he growled, and Lucy could see the outline of a gun in his hand.

“I thought this was my home,” Lucy called out, and he stepped out of the light so she could see him. “Dad. Long time no see.”

“Lucy.” He sounded breathless as he dropped the gun to his side, glancing briefly at Kara standing next to Lucy, but just shook his head. “Of course this is your home, come in.”

Lucy followed her father into the house, closing her eyes for a moment as she took a deep breath. It smelled the same, from the cigar smoke embedded in the wood, to the scent of shoe polish that only lingered by the door where her father's shoes were. Opening her eyes, she continued forward into the foyer, walking to the mantle and looking at the pictures there. 

“What, uh, what’re you doing here?” Sam asked as he got comfortable in the large recliner sitting in the corner of the room. “Not that I’m not happy to see you.”

Lucy turned away from the pictures and glanced briefly at Kara, who stood in the corner of the room, making herself as small as possible. 

Lucy’s gaze met her father’s. “Tell me about CADMUS.” Her father was a decorated military general; she wasn’t expecting a visible reaction, so she wasn’t surprised when there was none. 

He let out a sigh. “So this wasn’t a social visit?” 

“ _Tell me_ about CADMUS,” Lucy repeated, folding her arms.

“That’s all classified information. I don’t know where you heard about that, but whoever told you is going to be in a lot of trouble.” This was no longer her father. She watched as he switched from the man who had been almost excited to see her visiting, to General Sam Lane, and her eyes narrowed.

“Stop. Just stop.” It was hard to keep her cool when all she wanted was the truth, but she tried. Letting out a slow breath, she counted to ten in her head. “Fine, let me tell you what I know, and then you can give me the rest. CADMUS was once a government run program — that’s probably how you got involved, right?” Nothing in his expression changed. She moved from the fireplace mantle and sat on the coffee table in front of him. “They went rogue, though. Doing some shady shit that not even the government could agree with. Which says how shady it was.” Lucy chuckled wryly. “They’ve managed to avoid the officials trying to shut them down since they went rogue, and I got to thinking, how would they be able to do that unless they had some sort of inside contact?” Finally a reaction, small: his eyes widened slightly. “So tell me, Dad, about CADMUS and why the fuck you helped the people who took Alex Danvers?”

The room was quiet for a moment before Sam Lane let out a tired sigh, but his eyes never left Lucy’s. “You’ve never understood,” he grumbled. “Never understood the threat we are under. Sacrifices have to be made in order to protect us.”

“Us? I was fine; Lois was in college doing gr—”

“It wasn’t just about you! It’s never just been about you and your sister, or about this family! I see the bigger picture!” he yelled, interrupting Lucy. “The whole goddamn Earth is at stake, and yet no one fucking cares!” He slammed his hand onto the arm of the recliner. “Everyone wants to approach everything with peace, love, and acceptance like that will protect us when everything hits the fan!” His chest was heaving, and his face had gotten red from yelling.

“So screw the few humans that get in the way, right?” Lucy narrowed her eyes. “I mean, it’s all for the good of humanity, but fuck the few humans that get in the way.”

“There will always be casualties in war,” he responded in a grave tone. “Besides, it wasn’t meant to be Alex; it was meant to be that thing they were harboring.” 

They both flinched at the growl that came from Kara in the corner, having forgotten she was there. “You disgusting monster.” Kara was stiff where she stood, her hands clenched into fists, and Lucy quickly moved to her, placing both her hands on Kara’s shoulders.

“Hey, cool it. I get it, but you have to calm down.” When Kara didn’t relax, Lucy let go of her shoulders with a huff. “Take a walk; I’ve got things here — just keep an ear out, and if you hear him trying to book it, then feel free to break a limb or two.” Lucy moved back to her seat on the coffee-table across from her father but kept her gaze on Kara who stood still for a moment before stiffly walking out of the house. The front door could be heard slamming with a loud bang.

“You care more for that thing than your own family.” He grunted folding his arms. 

“Yeah, well, she’s been more family to me than you ever have been.” Lucy countered. 

“It’s disgusting: your loyalty to it and to the Danvers — those traitors. They turned their back on this planet when they helped Superman without telling the US Government or giving us their results.” His face has lost some of the redness, but his eyes were just as hard. “However, after the girl was taken I had no access to any of that information — where she was held or what happened to her after. I scrubbed my hands clean of that project and not long after that, the higher-ups wanted to shut CADMUS down.” 

“And that’s when it went rogue,” Lucy finished for him.

“It’s in the best interest of the world that CADMUS exists.” It was stated as a fact.

“Who took it over? You have to know.” Lucy stood, towering over her father as he sat, her anger overcoming her short stature. “You probably even helped them go rogue.”

“You should’ve just let this all go — you threw your entire life away for that thing and the Danvers girl,” he spat back at her. “You had such potential.”

“I don’t want your potential.” Lucy tried to ignore the way the obvious disappointment on her father’s face affected her. But it was hard; she knew she was the family disappointment, and for a fleeting moment she wanted to let him know exactly who her big sister was fucking but she wasn’t that petty. Not even against Clark. “You are a bitter, selfish, bigoted old man, and anything to do with whatever you consider ‘potential’ is toxic. Now tell me who took over CADMUS.”

General Lane just shook his head and closed his eyes, setting his mouth into a thin line. “I really wish you’d just left all of this alone.” His voice shook, and Lucy’s brows raised in surprise at the emotion in his voice. “You’ve wasted your life for this girl. I hope it was worth it.”

In the next few seconds, things seemed to move both in fast-forward and slow-motion. The loud sound of a gunshot going off filled the room, brains and blood splattered across the front of her, and Kara appeared seconds too late, her hand reaching for the gun pressed against General Lanes temple where he’d just blown a hole through his head. 

Lucy felt numb. She wasn’t sure if the gunshot had blown out her eardrums or if she just couldn’t process the sounds around her. Kara appeared in front of her, blocking out her view of her father, but she couldn’t move. What the hell had she done?

— 

Lena rolled her shoulders as she entered her penthouse, making sure to close the front door behind her and locking each lock. She activated the security system next to the door, but she still didn’t feel safe. She hadn’t felt truly safe in a long time. Since Lex had gone insane, of course, but even before then she hadn’t felt safe. No matter how hard he tried to always protect her, he couldn’t.

Walking to the combined kitchen-living area, she went to pour herself a glass of scotch but noticed a package on the counter. She wasn’t expecting anything, but must have gone through her security. Even so, she pulled out her phone and called down to security. “Yes, this is Lena Luthor, I have a package in my home that I wasn’t expecting. I want to make sure it went through security.” She waited while the person checked their logs, and after receiving a confirmation, she hung up.

Still, her stomach knotted up in fear as she approached it. As she opened it, out tumbled a flip phone and a chess piece — the white knight. Her heart raced at the sight as the piece rolled toward the edge of the counter —

_Lena stared down at the chess pieces on the floor below her. She hadn’t meant to knock the game over, but the marble floor was slippery and she was only going to get a drink of water — she hadn’t thought to put on anything but socks to keep her feet warm. Though now as her lip trembled and she fought back the tears, she knew the loud crash was going to bring_ her, _and Lena cursed herself for her stupidity._

_ Footsteps grew near, and Lillian rounded the corner, spotting her instantly. “Lena Lutessa Luthor!” It wasn’t a shout, but it still made Lena flinch and straighten, ignoring the pain in her arm from where she had landed on it when she fell. It wasn’t broken, but it did have a large gash running down it from the side of the table.  _

_ “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I remember how the game was set!” Lena attempted to make it right, but once Lillian was close enough, all she received in return was a smack against the face.  _

_ “I did not say you could speak.” Lillian growled. “Look at this mess. First you ruin a perfectly good set of chess and now you’re getting blood all over the floor.” Lillian eyed the blood dripping from the gash on her arm, and Lena held her arm closer to her. “You’re lucky none of the pieces shattered, or you’d be in far worse trouble.” _

_ “What’s going on?” Lex’s voice surprised them both, and Lena looked over to her sleepy-eyed brother with fear. “Oh, did Lena have a fall?” _

_ “Nothing for you to worry about, dear, go back to bed.” Lillian smiled at Lex, but Lex simply moved closer to Lena with a smile.  _

_ “It’s alright, I was about to win anyway. C’mon, I’ll take a look at that gash, and we can pick this up in the morning.” Lex wrapped an arm around Lena’s shoulders and started to lead her away. _

_ “Wait, it would appear one of the pieces is broken,” Lillian called out, walking up to them. Lena flinched back into Lex, but Lillian simply shoved the piece into her good hand with a glare. “You should really be more careful, dear.”  _

_ Lena looked down at the piece and swallowed. It was the white knight. It had cracked down the middle and chipped at the bottom; it wasn’t really broken, but it was in less-than-perfect condition. You couldn’t be anything less than perfect in the Luthor household. As Lillian walked away, Lex let out a huff and continued to lead Lena toward the stairs. “Honestly, you’d think we didn’t have ten more chess sets,” he grumbled, making Lena giggle softly. Still, she gripped the piece tightly in her hand. She knew it was a warning. _

— Lena caught the piece instinctively before it could fall and gripped it tightly in her hand. She jumped as her phone began vibrating against the marble counter. She considered ignoring it but worried about the consequences, so she picked it up.

“Mother.” Lena hastily moved to her bedroom, her heart continued to pound as she moved. She didn’t know if Lillian knew about her digging around, but the chess piece was enough to worry her, and she didn’t want to die tonight.

“Hello, dear,” Lillian Luthor replied calmly. “I’m not interrupting you am I?”

“Would it matter if you were?” Lena highly doubted it, and she received a chuckle in response. She popped open the panel by her closet, leaned down and let it scan her eye, then input the 16-digit code necessary to open the door to her panic room. 

“Well, I’m just calling to check in on you.” Lillian’s voice was bitterly sweet; it made Lena’s toes curl in her heels. She put the panel back where it was and stepped into her panic room, sliding the door shut behind her. “I’ve seen some paparazzi photos of you recently. Who is this blonde you’ve been seen with?”

It took everything in Lena not to suck in a breath. She thought she had hidden well from the paparazzi, but apparently her mother had found someone to squeeze some pictures out of. “No one of importance.” Lena hoped she sounded as confident as she wanted to, even as she moved to the set of monitors hanging on the walls and turned them on. Cameras all over the building fed into them, and she watched for anything that looked like her mother’s doing. “She serves me coffee every morning.” Under the wall of monitors sat a desk with a it’s own set of monitors hooked up to a computer, which had a black box connected to it. A portable hard drive to store all the recordings for the past five years.

Lena sat on the stool in front of the desk. “How dreadfully boring.” Lillian clucked. “You haven’t seen her lately though; she’s out of town.” It was a statement, not a question, and Lena felt her heart jump into her throat. “You should focus more on _your_ business anyhow. Wouldn’t want to get _involved_ in things that you don’t quite understand.” 

Lena’s gaze flickered over the monitors, but nothing was out of place, not one person or thing. “L-Corp has been doing wonderfully. I could send you the reports if you’d like.” Lena cursed how weak her voice was.

“There’s no need. Think about what I said.” Lillian hung up, and Lena stood there frozen with the phone against her ear. She wouldn’t be leaving the panic room that night; she had a lot to do. 

— 

Alex hummed along to the music that played from Sanctuary's overhead speakers, moving between tables as she tended to customers and wiped down surfaces. Her day in bed with Maggie had really refreshed her both physically and mentally. It was nice to do something routine like work their usual shift for the evening. It was something she knew, and as she met Maggie’s eye across the room, she shared a smile with her wife. It was comforting knowing Maggie was there — familiar.

Their usuals showed up when expected, ordered what they normally did and they talked about the mundane aspects of life. It was almost like before the Danvers had shown up, but there was one constant reminder of what had changed.

Lucy Lane sat hunched in a corner, where she’d been since she came in and bought an entire bottle of whiskey, not attempting to start a conversation with Maggie, who had handed her the bottle with a wary glance at the blank expression on her face. That was the part Alex found scariest about Lucy’s demeanor: as the liquid in the whiskey bottle slowly disappeared as the night went on, her expression remained a blank slate.

Alex approached Maggie. “Hey.” She smiled as Maggie approached her on the other side of the bar.

“Hi, you doing okay?” Maggie asked, leaning against the bar so she was closer to Alex.

“Yeah, this has been nice. Normal.” Alex let out a breath and rested her forehead against Maggie’s. “I missed nights like this.”

“Me too, kinda funny how much you take for granted boring work nights.” Maggie chuckled.

“I don’t think I ever would’ve expected to want a boring work shift.” As Alex lightly laughed with Maggie, she let her eyes take in her wife’s sparkling eyes and dimpled smile, reminding herself how lucky she was. They stayed in this comfortable bubble, ignoring the world for just a moment.

A crash broke their comfortable bubble, and they turned to face the noise. The bottle of whiskey that had sat nearly empty on the table in front of Lucy now lay shattered on the floor beside it, but what was most startling was the broken expression on Lucy’s face as she stared down at the shards. The first amount of emotion expressed that night: her eyes were wet and her stuttered breathing was visible even from Alex’s distance. 

Alex took a step toward Lucy, but before she could take another Lucy bolted, glass crunching under her feet, the door slamming behind her as she ran outside. “What the hell?” Maggie muttered as she exited from behind the bar. “Babe, you got things covered here, right?” Maggie placed a hand on Alex’s waist and looked into her eyes.

“Yeah, but what’re you doing?” Alex furrowed her brow.

“I’m just going to go set things straight; it won’t take long.” Maggie pecked Alex’s cheek before following Lucy out the door. 

So much for Alex’s normal night.

— 

Lucy was drunk, again. But she’d never had so many reasons to drink. Everything was tilting and blurring. “Hey!” She stopped, and before she could turn, a hand grabbed her shoulder, turning her roughly to face the fiery eyes of Maggie Sawyer. “Enough!”

As she stared into the eyes of Alex’s wife, she felt the anguish that had been building all day turn into a hot rage, and she shoved Maggie roughly from her. “Fuck off!” 

“Whoa, hey!” Maggie held her hands up.

Lucy grit her teeth and swayed in place as she wiped at her eyes, trying to get rid of the triple vision. “No, I said fuck off!” Lucy pointed her finger at one of the Maggies in front of her and narrowed her eyes. “Why is it you?” Lucy clenched her fists.

“I didn’t force you to come to Sanctuary, a bar that I co-own,” Maggie shot back, her hands on her hips.

“Why’re you following me?” Lucy stepped toward Maggie, trying to ignore the way Alex’s scent lingered on her.

Maggie seemed to hesitate but eventually spoke. “Whatever is going on with you needs to get figured out. I don’t care how you do it, but this is enough.” Maggie’s voice softened, and the rest of her did too. “I have a therapist that I can recommend, someone for you to talk to. I know what it’s like to have no one to talk to, it— it’s one of the worst feelings in the world.” Maggie lowered her folded arms. “No one deserves that, okay? Let me give you this therapist's number.”

Lucy didn’t want Maggie to soften, she didn’t want to see this side of Maggie that was kind and compassionate, the side that Alex had obviously seen and fallen in love with. She could see it though, she’d always seen it, just refused to acknowledge it. How beautiful Maggie Sawyer was. But under the starry skies, it was hard to ignore, along with the lack of sense thanks to her alcohol-addled brain. There was no doubt Alex had chosen correctly — Maggie was beautiful and unbroken. 

Lucy’s fists shook at her side, and for a brief moment she desperately wished for a redo. To start life over, to be less broken. But as her nails bit into the palms of her hand, she came back to the present and realized this was it. This was her life now. The rage she had felt earlier boiled over into roaring fury, and she fisted Maggie’s shirt tightly in her hand.

“Lucy, what are you doing?” Maggie asked her, grabbing at her wrists. “You need to let me go. You aren’t thinking right now.”

“I can’t stop thinking!” Lucy yelled, and she didn’t want to admit that she enjoyed the way Maggie winced at how close she was. “I see you! Do you think I can’t see it?” Lucy’s grip on Maggie’s shirt tightened, and she managed to lift Maggie off the ground despite the height difference. “How can I not see it?” The fear in Maggie’s eyes fed her anger like gas into a flame. 

Suddenly, she was on her back, staring up at the stars in the night sky. Her ears were ringing, and she let out a groan. 

“Maggie, are you okay?” It was Kara. 

“What in the actual fuck is going on with her, Kara?” Lucy rolled her eyes as Maggie spoke. She struggled to push herself into a sitting position to see the two women a few feet from her.

“It’s just been a rough day.” Kara had a hand out placatingly toward Maggie, who was rubbing at her collarbones

“This is more than just a rough day. She needs help.” Maggie narrowed her eyes at Kara.

“Hey, you don’t know what’s going on, okay?” Kara glanced back at Lucy, who watched them with cloudy eyes. “I’ll take her back to the hotel. Just— leave it alone.” 

Maggie let out a scoff. “I was trying to help, trying to be nice, but fine, I’ll leave whatever it is alone.” Maggie turned and started back toward Sanctuary. Kara’s shoulders slumped, and she turned to face Lucy, who just groaned and fell back against the ground. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >   
> _another shout-out to ****_ **[@noreasonatall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noreasonatall/pseuds/noreasonatall)** for beta-ing  
>  _leave a kudos + comment if you are enjoying the story! also feel free to check me out on **[tumblr](https://ins0mnia-an0nym0us-au.tumblr.com/)** or **[twitter](https://twitter.com/insomnia_anon)** _  
> 


	12. CHAPTER TWELVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >   
> Lucy regrets drinking so much
>> 
>> Lena talks with Kara on the phone
>> 
>> Kara and Alex talk alone
>> 
>> The Danvers and Lucy have lunch but are interrupted
>> 
>> Maggie does something she regrets  
> 

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

Lucy has regretted a lot of her life decisions. The time she cut her own hair, when she was too stubborn to admit she was cold and ended up with pneumonia, challenging Kara to an eating contest before she really understood how much that kid could eat — those are up there, but she thinks last night might take the number one spot on her list. Any progress she’d made with Alex or Maggie was out the window after what she’d pulled, and she wouldn’t blame either of them if they didn’t want to see her ever again. 

She pushed that from her mind as she stepped out of the steam-filled bathroom. Freshly showered, she was ready for whatever conversation she knew was waiting. Kara sat on the end of her bed, and her eyes scanned over Lucy, making her feel exposed. Lucy shifted in place and folded her arms. 

“Here.” Kara pulled a folded bunch of papers from inside her jacket and handed them to Lucy. 

Lucy raised a brow. “What are these?” 

“I found them in your—” Kara paused. “—in General Lane’s house.” 

Lucy froze in place.

“I went back to search his stuff, wipe away fingerprints, all the proof we were there.” The corners of Kara’s mouth were pulled down into a frown. “Then I put in an anonymous tip. The cops should have found his body by now.” 

Lucy’s heart clenched. She hadn’t thought of that. She had pushed it to the back of her mind, the thought of calling anyone to find her father. Maybe she hadn’t wanted anyone to find out. It’s not like anyone ever really talked to her dad. It was wrong, though, just leaving him there to rot. Not to mention, she hadn’t even thought to go through his things. She was supposed to be a private investigator; what was wrong with her?

Lucy cleared her throat. “Good job.” She finished unfolding the papers and gripped them tightly as she started reading them. 

“Lucy, we need to talk.” Kara’s voice was soft. Lucy hated the way it sounded. She knew she was pitiful, but she didn’t want Kara’s pity. 

Lucy wanted nothing more than to walk away from this conversation, but one look at Kara and she knew there was no way she was going to get out of this. So she swallowed down the sick feeling in her stomach and sat down next to Kara, placing the papers next to her on the bed. “Yeah, guess we do.” Lucy sighed.

“Well, I made sure there were no traces of us at the house, so it should just look like a suicide.” Kara spoke in measured tones, and Lucy bit her lip. “I just — I’m so sorry.” 

Lucy jerked her head to look at Kara. Of-fucking-course this kid was going to feel guilty for her father’s own choice. She should have seen this coming, but she was too caught up in the memory of how the gun sounded going off, the horrified look in Kara’s eyes as she appeared between the two of them before any blood or brain matter could get on her — of course that meant it all landed on Kara. How had she managed to get through it all without vomiting? 

“Kid.” Lucy wrapped an arm around Kara’s shoulders. “My dad made his choice, he did that to himself.”

“If I was faster or if I hadn't lost my cool and had to leave than maybe—” Kara protested, but Lucy just pulled on Kara until she moved with the pull and her head fit underneath Lucy’s chin.

“No, stop blaming yourself for this. Even if you were there for this moment, you couldn’t have stayed there forever.” Lucy closed her eyes. “Where do you think I got my stubbornness from? When he made up his mind to go through with something, it was going to happen. Then or later.” Eyes closed, Lucy tightened her hold on Kara.

“I— I won’t blame myself, but only if you promise not to either.” Kara gently pulled out of the embrace, and Lucy opened her eyes to meet Kara’s eyes. “You always say that I have some sort of guilt complex, and maybe I do, but you feel just as badly as I do about this stuff.” 

Lucy looked away from Kara. “You don’t need to worry about me.”

“Yes, I do, because you don’t worry about yourself!” Kara poked at Lucy’s side until she finally looked back at her. “You keep pushing people away who try to help you.”

“I don’t need help!” Lucy snapped and stood up. She knew Kara was right, she just didn’t know how to let anyone in. She hadn’t let anyone in since Alex. 

“Stop lying to yourself,” Kara snapped right back. “Last night, with Maggie — that was a mess and you know it. You’re going to get yourself kicked out of Alex’s life, after all this time trying to find her.” 

“Fuck, I know, all right?” Lucy spun around. “Just—” She didn’t know how to explain it; she didn’t want to explain it to— How do you explain something like this to someone without sounding crazy? Maybe she  _ was _ crazy. After all, she’d carried this weight around for so long, the idea of getting help for it terrified her. The idea of someone else helping to carry it made her heart race, her palms sweat. This was hers, she’d had it for so long, her one piece of Alex. “I can’t.” The disappointment on Kara’s face was almost enough to make Lucy try to explain, but she couldn’t. She wouldn’t lose this piece of Alex she had left. Even if it was the most toxic part. 

This teenage version of herself that was stuck, never having grieved for her best friend, her first love — her only real love. Clinging to the idea that if she just found her, everything would be alright. 

“No one can help you until you’re ready.” Kara’s blue eyes were so dull as they looked at Lucy, and Lucy had to look away as Kara stood up. “Eliza and Jeremiah are having lunch later, and they expect you there. Be there, please.” 

Lucy nodded, eyes on the floor as Kara’s footsteps receded and the door clicked closed behind her.

—

Lena struggled to listen as Kara's voice filtered softly through the speaker of the phone. She was trying to be present as Kara recounted things that had happened since their last conversation, but her mind was elsewhere. Stuck in her conversation with her mother. A vague sense of uneasiness had settled over Lena, and not even work had calmed her nerves. Normally, losing herself in spreadsheets and paperwork and the sounds of the city bustling below her office could keep her from tipping over into a full blown paranoia breakdown, but not this time.

“Lena?” 

Attempting to refocus, Lena shook her head. “Yes, sorry, I’m here.” 

“Hey, if you’re busy, you don’t have to sit and listen to me ramble,” Kara mumbled.

“No, no, I’m sorry.” Lena let out a sigh and rubbed at her temples. “I want to hear about what’s happening, I promise I do, I’m just a bit lost right now.” She stared at the monitor on her desk as it flicked through the cameras mounted around L-Corp. 

“You sound worried.”

“I —” She didn’t want to lie, but the longer she thought about her mother, the more she felt her throat constrict in fear. Reaching over to the bottom left drawer of her desk, she placed her finger on the scanner there and pulled it open, letting out a sigh of relief when she saw her gun was still in its place. 

“Lena, this isn’t a one way sort of thing, y’know?” Kara sounded worried, and Lena wanted to smile at the thought of someone worrying about her. “I may be new at this whole friendship thing, but I’m pretty sure we’re supposed to talk to each other about our problems, not just me talking to you.”

Lena shut the drawer quietly and let out a breath. “I don’t think we talked much about what my relationship with the Luthors was like before you had to leave.” Lena hated the way her voice wobbled at the mention of her family.

“No, we were a little focused on me.” Kara sounded guilty.

“For good reason,” Lena assured her. “We had no reason to talk about my… the Luthors. I suppose the best way to describe it would be...” Lena thought for a moment, making sure to pick the right word. “Tense.” She nodded, even though Kara couldn’t see her. “Yes. Tense is the best word. When I was first brought there, it was the unfamiliarity of it all. Then it was the tension of reality.” 

“Were they always terrible?” Kara asked.

“No, not always.” Lena briefly let herself remember warm moments with her brother — playing chess, reading by the fire, the pride in his eyes — but shook it off. “However, Lillian has never liked me, and at first I wanted her to. I wanted her to accept me as her daughter, but I realized very quickly that she would never see me as her daughter or a Luthor.” 

“I’m sorry.” Kara’s voice stopped her from spiralling too far.

“It’s probably for the better.” Lena cleared her throat. 

“Did something happen?”

“I— yes, well, Lillian called me.” Lena decided to bury the lead. “It’s been sometime since I’ve spoken to her, and I wasn’t expecting it, to be honest. I wasn’t expecting to hear from her again at all, but it seemed she wanted to know how L-Corp was doing. It was Lex’s baby, so I suppose it makes sense that she wouldn’t want me running it into the ground.” It wasn’t a lie; Lillian had asked about L-Corp, but that hadn’t been her main motive. Still, Lena was skewing the truth. Like a true Luthor.

“Are you okay? Do you need me to come up there?” It made Lena’s heart flutter, how much Kara worried for her and her wanting to come back just because Lena was having a hard time with feelings dug up from her past. 

“No, you are where you need to be.” Lena pursed her lips. “Lucy needs you.”

“Yeah, she— she’s not doing too well.” Kara let out a tired sigh.

“You need to keep an eye on her, Kara.” Lena had a bad feeling about Lucy Lane. She knew that Lucy would do anything for the Danvers, but that meant she would die for them as well. “Don’t let her do anything too stupid.”

“I’m working on it, but she’s pretty stupid.” The sound of something cracking came through the speaker. “Shoot, I didn’t mean to kick it that hard.”

Lena burst out laughing. She hadn’t laughed like this since Kara had left, and for a moment the coil of paranoia loosened.

—

Kara concentrated hard on not putting her feet through the pavement as she walked. She didn’t even know where she was going, really, but in the back of her mind she knew she wanted to see Alex. So her feet were taking her toward wherever that familiar heartbeat led her, but she was too focused on not making feet-shaped holes in the ground to really put too much thought into it. 

It isn’t like she expected her morning to go smoothly, not with what happened with Lucy last night, but then she had called Lena, expecting to be put at ease by the woman like usual. But instead all she got was a big ball of worry in her gut that wouldn’t go away. She was tempted to fly out to make sure Lena was actually okay. But she didn’t want to leave Lucy for that long or risk getting spotted. 

Kara knew deep down that Lucy had never actually grieved for Alex. Never let her go. Not like Kara had. Kara hadn’t let her go, she could never do that, but she grieved. Rao, did she grieve. It was strange to think about the difference in Lucy before Alex was taken and after. The few times Lucy visited after they were split up and relocated it was striking. She still had her wit, her snarky humor, but it was like something was missing, and in a way, it was. Afterall, you never saw Lucy without Alex. 

Sighing as she pushed back the memories of before, Kara looked up as the source of heartbeat she had been subconsciously following came into view. Alex was standing in the front door of her home, head tilted to one side as she watched Kara stand at the otherside of the road. She almost looked amused. 

“Come back to earth, space cadet?” Alex called out and leaned against the doorframe. 

Kara flushed and rubbed at the back of her neck as she moved closer so she didn’t have to shout. “Yeah, sorry, I um— didn’t mean to just show up here.” Kara wanted to crawl into herself. Listening to Alex’s heartbeat made her feel better, but it also was an unintentional invasion of privacy. “It’s been a rough morning.”

“Maggie told me what happened with Lucy, and I know you’re rooming with her at the hotel, so I bet it was.” Alex’s face was serious as she spoke. “Let’s continue inside.” Stepping back into the house, Alex gestured for Kara to come in. 

As she followed Alex into the home, Kara let her senses take in the feeling of being surrounded by Alex for a minute. She was embedded in every part of the house. Maggie was too, but with Maggie came Alex; they were so intertwined with one another that it was hard to tell them apart. Everything Alex was wearing smelled like Maggie, but they also smelled like Alex — a mixture of coffee bean, nature, fresh laundry, and something purely them. 

“So, I can guess that Lucy played a part in your bad morning. Anything else?” Alex’s voice broke through Kara’s thoughts. They both sat down on the couch, and Kara nodded with a groan, making Alex chuckle. “Do you need some help with Lucy?” Alex asked.

That wasn’t honestly what she was expecting. “Why would you want to help her after she pretty much attacked your wife?” Kara cringed at the way she spoke about Lucy, but it was the truth. 

“Because I’ve been where Lucy’s been. At least, I think I have.” Alex shrugged. “Believe it or not, Maggie isn’t that mad about it, either. She has a short temper, and it’s something she’s worked on for a while, but it still gets the better of her sometimes.” Alex ran a hand through her hair as she paused. “We both just want to help Lucy move on from all of this because it’s obvious she never has and it’s killing her.”

Kara stared at her sister. “I don’t know how you became such a good person after everything,” she mumbled, looking away. 

“If I hadn’t met Maggie, things would’ve been very different and I never want to find out how they could’ve been.” Alex sounded upset even thinking about it, and it made Kara turn back to Alex, only to find her looking directly at her. “Kara, people aren’t just good and evil — you know that, right?”

Kara shifted uncomfortably. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean that even the best people have done bad things, and even the worst people were once innocent. Whatever it is that you think I won’t like about you or what you’ve done, trust me enough to hear you out.” Alex gave her a knowing look.

How could she tell? How did she know that it was eating her up inside? Everything she’d done as the Nighttime Crusader was in Alex’s name, but here she was, alive. Kara swallowed. “How did you—?” 

“You have a terrible poker face.” Alex smiled. “You don’t have to talk about it now, but whenever you’re ready, I’m here.” 

“Yeah.” Kara cleared her throat and nodded. “Okay.”

Alex reached over and rested her hand on Kara’s shoulder. They sat like that for a minute before Alex perked up. “So what was the other thing from this morning?” Alex asked.

“What?” Kara jerked her head up to look at Alex. She made sure not to jostle Alex’s hand from her shoulder, though, enjoying the light contact with her sister.

“When we sat down, you nodded your head about there being something else.” Alex gestured at Kara and narrowed her eyes. Kara knew then that there was no getting out of telling her about Lena.

“No, just— a phone call.” Kara let out a groan similar to the one from earlier. “I have this friend, and I’ve been calling her with updates on how things were going here, but this morning she seemed kinda out of it, so I thought I was bugging her, but she told me I wasn’t, and then I thought maybe she has something going on there and I’m just being a bad friend!” Kara stopped when Alex held a hand up.

“What’s her name?” Alex asked, and Kara felt a goofy grin explode onto her face.

“Lena,” she answered.

“Okay, so did you ask Lena if she had anything going on?” Alex raised a brow.

“I was getting there!” Kara huffed and rolled her eyes. “Anyway, so it turns out her mom called her, and she doesn’t have a good relationship with her mom — like, really bad — and so it put her on edge. So now I’m kind of worried about her because she sounded… she sounded upset and she kept telling me everything was fine anyway.” 

Alex nodded along with Kara’s words. “It sounds like she probably had a lot of old feelings resurface, maybe even things she wasn’t aware of.”

“I just— She’s been there for me, and it feels wrong to not be there for her.” Kara let out a frustrated huff.

“You can’t force people to let you in, and if she says that it’s fine, you have to trust she means it.” Alex squeezed Kara’s shoulder with a smile.

“Trust is a little hard to come by these days,” Kara grumbled, but she reached up and put a hand over Alex’s on her shoulder. The day was just starting, and it was already a challenge. 

—

Lucy felt trapped. She was, technically, stuck between a wall and a Kryptonian. But it wasn’t like she had much of a choice when Kara refused to get into the booth first. Now, with Eliza and Jeremiah sitting across from them, she wanted to do the one thing Kara was probably trying to prevent her from doing: get out of here. But instead she poked at the burger in front of her and listened as they chattered on around her. 

“Lucy, dear, you’ve hardly touched your food.” Eliza’s voice broke through Lucy’s fog, and she looked at the woman with a frown. “Aren’t you hungry?”

“Not really.” Lucy shrugged. Glancing out the window, she watched as people came and went. Wondering what kind of lives they had, how easy they were. 

“Lucy.” Jeremiah spoke softly, but his tone was firm. It was different, and it made Lucy turn her head back to face him with a raised brow. “Eliza and I are worried about you — so is Kara, of course, but we want to talk to you, really talk with you.” 

The warmth in his eyes was familiar to Lucy. She’d felt his fatherly love before, something her own had never really shown her. Her stomach pulled at the thought of her dad, and she swallowed. 

“We know that we weren’t the best we could’ve been, and you deserved better, both of you did, but we’re here now, and we won’t leave you to suffer through things alone. Not anymore.” Jeremiah opened his mouth to continue but was stopped as Lucy’s phone went off. 

Ignoring the way everyone was looking at her, she checked it and saw Lois’s name. “It’s Lois.” Lucy stated and practically climbed over Kara to get out of the booth. She walked toward the bathrooms, far enough for Eliza and Jeremiah not to hear but still within sight. There was no getting out of Kara’s hearing range. “Hey, Lois, this is different,” Lucy answered with her usual snark, feeling relieved for a familiar dynamic.

“Luce.” Lois sounded devastated, and Lucy’s heart sank — Oh god, what now? “Lucy, dad is… dad killed himself — I’m sorry. I don’t know why or— the police just informed me and I told them I’d call you.” As Lois trailed off and cried quietly, Lucy once more was hit with her own stupidity, her own blindness to the world around her. 

Sam Lane wasn’t just  _ her _ father; of course Lois would find out about his death. Why hadn’t she thought of this? Why didn’t she stop him? Why did he do this to Lois? His pride and joy? “Fuck.” Lucy breathed out and leaned against the wall for support. “I don’t— Is Clark there? Are you alone?” Lucy could feel her breath coming faster. Was her sister alone when she found out about this? Did she have anyone?

“No, he’s— Y’know his job.” Lois still sounded so in love as she spoke, and Lucy wanted to find Clark Kent, wrap her hands around his neck and somehow strangle the life out of his superhuman body. Fuck his need to be the hero; Lois needed him. “I’m— I’ll be alright, I just needed to tell you.”

“No, fuck that, you aren’t all right, I know you aren’t. Call him, tell him to come back.” Lucy jerked from the wall, clenching her free hand into a fist. 

“I can’t ask him to drop what he’s doing, Lucy.” Lois sounded scandalised at the idea.

“Then give me his number and I’ll do it for you.” Her voice was getting louder, but she didn’t care.

“No, Lucy— Luce, it’s sweet, but he’s out saving people. What are you going to tell him to get him back here?” Lois laughed like it was so stupid, and it broke Lucy’s heart in two. How dare she love a man that would put her below anything else.

“Maybe that the woman he loves needs him? That her dad just killed himself and she had to call her little sister? Who she doesn’t have the greatest relationship with anyway—” Lucy stopped herself from continuing. How long had she been yelling? It didn’t matter. “Y’know what, Lois? It’s probably for the best that you don’t give me his number, or I might do something I’d regret.” She’d hung up on Lois before now, but this wasn’t nearly as cathartic as then. Maybe it was because she could feel the eyes on her. Why was it so hard to breathe? 

“Lucy.” No, she didn’t want to talk to Eliza or Jeremiah right now. As she turned, she was faced with Eliza standing there, worry lining her face, Jeremiah holding her hand and standing next to her, the same worry reflected on his features. 

This was too familiar. It felt too much like back then, but she was here. She wasn’t Alex. She didn’t need them to worry about her. “Stop, I’m fine.” Lucy squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. 

“No, sweetie, you aren’t. It’s okay.” Opening her eyes to see Eliza reaching for her made Lucy jerk away. “Lucy, please.” 

Lucy didn’t want this. She didn’t want their worry. That look on their face they’d had for the past decade — she put it back on their faces. They weren’t supposed to worry about her, especially now that they had Alex back. All of them were supposed to be happy or happier than before. It was supposed to be better. She just kept ruining everything. 

Shoving past the Danvers and bolting out the door was barely a thought, more instinct, and Lucy wondered what she was even doing anymore.

—

Maggie absentmindedly scrubbed at the dish in her hand, her mind focused on other things than how sanitary Sanctuary’s dishware was. Her encounter with Lucy last night had just added more mixed feelings to the entire situation, and now as she stared down at the bubbly water, she had an idea that made her sick to her stomach.

But the more she considered it, the more it seemed reasonable. Everything was so uncertain right now, all because of Lucy Lane. If they could just figure out what was going on with her... Shutting off the faucet and leaving the rest of the dishes in there to soak, Maggie turned around and came face to face with J’onn, his arms crossed and a frown on his face. 

“J’onn, just— Hear me out,” Maggie tried, but J’onn shook his head.

“Lucy Lane deserves the same privacy I offer everyone else.” He sounded disappointed, and it twisted in Maggie’s gut, but then she remembered last night. The look in Lucy’s eyes, the chaos that had come to their life since she’d shown up.

“Lucy Lane has burst into our lives and thrown everything into chaos!” Maggie snapped. “Maybe her intentions are good, but there’s been nothing but chaos since she’s arrived, and I just need to know what is going on.” Maggie sighed, her shoulders slumping. It had been so long since their lives had been so hectic, so chaotic, so out of their control. Deep down, Maggie knew it would be wrong to use J’onn’s abilities against Lucy, but right now, she really didn’t care. 

“Maggie, you know that I will never read someone's mind intentionally without their consent.” J’onn let out a slow breath. “But I can promise you that Lucy Lane has no ill intentions toward you or Alex.” He held a hand up as Maggie opened her mouth. “Things are hard now, but before things got easy with Alex, things were hard, weren’t they?” J’onn waited until he received a nod in response. “Try to remember that, and don’t lose yourself in the meantime because the Maggie Sawyer that I know would never ask me to do what you just did.” He turned and walked away from her.

Wrapping her arms around herself, Maggie tried to ignore the cold that came with his absence. Closing her eyes, she felt that sick feeling from earlier intensify as she really thought about what she’d thought of asking of J’onn. He’d trusted her and Alex with his secrets, his past, his present and hopefully his future, but she’d wanted to use that against him. 

She hadn’t meant to hurt him, but she knew she had. Just like she knew she had broken J’onn’s trust. Rubbing her face with her hands, she groaned. Why did everything have to get so complicated?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >   
> _another shout-out to ****_ **[@noreasonatall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noreasonatall/pseuds/noreasonatall)** for beta-ing  
>  _leave a kudos + comment if you are enjoying the story! also feel free to check me out on **[tumblr](https://ins0mnia-an0nym0us-au.tumblr.com/)** or **[twitter](https://twitter.com/insomnia_anon)** _  
> 


	13. CHAPTER THIRTEEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >   
> Alex and Lucy talk
>> 
>> Kara gets a call from Lena
>> 
>> Lena does something drastic  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > _hey guys! i just wanted to first say - thanks for all the support for this story. i never actually intended to ever make this story. it's just an idea i came up with back when i had insomnia and couldn't sleep. so to see so many people who like it and appreciate it is kind of awesome. secondly, this is the final chapter before things really kind of pick up? i'm not sure when the next chapter will be posted - it's going to be a kind of long one (for me) and so it's most likely going to be after christmas. i'm also working on other projects so i don't get burnt out._
>> 
>> _secondly - i wanted to give you guys a couple of fun facts about this story._  
>  _1\. i made lucy's entire backstory up listening to_ **cruel summer** by **taylor swift** _and it's sort of become her theme song to me? like - if we were to pick one song for each character that would be the song for lucy._  
>  _2\. originally this story also had winn, nia, and brainy in it but i found that i couldn't juggle that many characters in it. while i love all my children and the backstories i made for them - i just couldn't do it._  
>  _3\. i still have the original version of this story that i wrote - the really shitty one. the first ever thing i wrote on this site. i constantly look back at it and go **"wow. look how far i've come"** but still look at what i do write and not think it's good enough_
>> 
>> _i want to wish you all a happy holidays and tell y'all to visit my **[tumblr](https://ins0mnia-an0nym0us-au.tumblr.com/)** if you are interested in character playlists for this story._  
> 

A pit had formed in Alex’s stomach not long after lunchtime, making her restless, so while she and Maggie finished eating lunch together, she offered to take over at Sanctuary. It wasn’t lost on her the way Maggie’s shoulders seemed to loosen at the offer, or how eagerly she accepted. Alex wanted to bring it up but figured it might be better to wait until Maggie had relaxed some.

J’onn wasn’t there when Alex entered, which was strange since he’d been there that morning, and it made the pit in her stomach bubble with anxiety. She’d made this family; she wouldn’t let it be torn apart now — though, she tried to reason with herself, J’onn could just be taking a long lunch. With a shake of her head, Alex started putting the dry dishes away, though she couldn’t help the frown that stayed on her face.

Time passed, and Alex continued to work in silence, her current task taking her under one of the tables, having to contort herself in a combination of kneeling and crouching because of her height to get properly underneath it. She’d just gotten into a good position when the door to Sanctuary slammed open, banging against the wall loudly. 

“Shit!” Alex grunted as she banged her head against the table, falling backwards and onto her ass in the process. “Son of a bitch!”

“Oh, fuck! Alex!” Lucy Lane stood wide-eyed and gaping at Alex.

“Yeah, a little help?” Alex waved a hand at Lucy, who rushed over and grabbed Alex’s hand, helping her up with worried eyes. “Ah, that hurt a fucking lot.” 

“Let me check if you’re bleeding.” Lucy got on her tiptoes for a moment, gently prying Alex’s hand away from her head, her own fingers gently feeling through the buzzed hair. “I don’t feel anything.” 

“No, I’m good, just probably gonna have a bump or something.” Alex winced as Lucy pressed a little.

“Sorry, just wanted to be sure.” Lucy mumbled, yanking her hand away and taking a step back. 

“It’s fine, I’m alright, just — no offense or anything, but what are you doing here?” Alex pulled out one of the chairs and sat down, gesturing for Lucy to do the same. She watched as Lucy hesitated, taking in the light sheen of sweat on her and the bruises under her eyes. Eventually, Lucy pulled over another chair and sat in it heavily. 

“Just needed to get away from things.” Lucy shrugged, making Alex chuckle. “What?”

“Nothing, it’s just, I’d imagine this place would be the last destination on your list of places to get away from things,” Alex joked, and she couldn’t help the smile on her face when Lucy snorted.

“Yeah, it’s ironic, I know.” Lucy picked at her cuticles as she spoke. “The Danvers are good people, some of the best. They just got dealt a shit hand in life—”

“Hey, Lucy, I don’t want you to feel like you have to defend them whenever they upset you. People aren’t perfect,” Alex interrupted before Lucy could get in too deep. “I’m sure you’ve probably upset them plenty.”

“Yeah, probably.” Lucy paused and stared at her hands. “They used to have this look after you vanished, and it made me never want to be around them. It sounds awful, but it was just… sad.” Lucy paused, and Alex watched her without judgement. “That look went away when I found you, and it made me so proud — I did that, me, but now— now, they look at  _ me _ like that, and I hate it.”

“They care about you, so they worry.” Alex could tell this wasn’t news to Lucy. 

“I never asked for that,” she growled.

“You should never have to ask for someone who cares about you to worry.” Alex leaned forward, eyes narrowing as she watched Lucy take this in. “If someone really cares about you, they will worry about you, no matter what.” 

They sat together in silence for a moment, Alex watching Lucy as she processed what Alex had said. She took this moment to think out her next words, wanting to reach out to Lucy but not wanting to give any of the wrong signals. 

“Lucy, I’m… I may not remember what happened between us, but it obviously affected you, and I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” 

Alex almost laughed at the expression on Lucy’s face. “What the hell are you sorry for?” Lucy sounded dumbfounded.

“The impression I’ve gotten from everything is that I kept you in the closet, which might have been the right choice for  _ me _ , but jerking you around wasn’t.” Alex leaned back in her chair, a frown on her face. “I’m just sorry you ever had to go through that.”

“Alex, I could’ve broken up with you at any point.” Lucy tapped her fingers on her thigh. “I stayed with you because it was worth it. You’ve always been worth everything.” Lucy pursed her lips but kept her eyes from meeting Alex’s. “I’m not trying to charm you or whatever, I just. You never understood how much I cared, and I still don’t think you do. It’s honestly frustrating.” Lucy let out a wet laugh. “I’m pretty sure I loved you, and you just used me.” Alex watched Lucy’s eyes widen. “Fuck, I didn’t meant to say that — just, can we forget I said that?”

“No, I’m not forgetting that.” Alex shook her head as her hands tightened into fists. 

“Please, Alex, just forget it. I don’t even know why I’m here with you, talking like we’re friends or something.” Lucy rolled her eyes, but Alex could see how they shined. “You’re married, and I’m…” 

“What, you’re what?” Alex could tell Lucy was close to a breaking point, and she remembered what Maggie had told her Lucy had said to her when she was drunk —  _ “Alex was my person.” _ If she could be that person, that Alex, maybe then she could get Lucy to open up, to spit the poison out of her that had been killing her for so long, and they could all move on from this.

“I’m broken!” Lucy shouted, her eyes shining but also sparked with fury. “Is that what you want to hear? Somehow, in all of this fucked up mess, you came out with the happy ending, and I — I’m broken.” Lucy’s voice lowered with each word, the fight visibly going out of her as her shoulders drooped. “I spent my life looking for someone who doesn’t remember me. Even if she did remember me, it’s not like she ever loved me.” Tears were falling freely now from Lucy’s eyes, and it made Alex’s lungs constrict.

Alex started. “I know that’s not true.”

“How could you possibly know?” Lucy laughed bitterly. “You don’t remember anything about us or what you might have felt.”

“I know because somehow, without any memories of you, I’m still so fucking worried about you.” Alex reached over and clutched Lucy’s shaking hands in her own. “I’ve been trying to keep my distance, then Maggie told me to get to know you, to help you move on, but then you wouldn’t give me the time of day.” Alex squeezed the hands in hers.

Lucy stared down at their hands for a long moment. “Maggie wanted you to get to know me?” she asked softly.

“Yes, Maggie is… she’s one of the kindest people I’ve ever met and I know that may not be what you want to hear but she’s wanted to help you since the beginning. She told me to try and be friends with you, to help you.” Alex smiled at the thought of her wife.

“I know she, why, you married her.” Lucy let out a breath. “Even last night when I was acting insane, she was kind.”

“Yeah, that’s— that’s Maggie.” Alex hummed, trying to look into Lucy’s eyes. “She never told me what happened, just that you were having a rough night.”

“Yeah, it’s been rough. I should apologize to her,” Lucy mumbled. “I’ll do that, I’ll apologize.”

“I would appreciate that.” Alex’s chest warmed as Lucy squeezed her hands in response. “Will you tell me why you were so upset?”

Lucy huffed. “I don’t want to lie to you.” 

“So don’t.” 

“I’ve… when we first got here I didn’t have any leads or anything on CADMUS, I really didn’t know anything about them, but” — Lucy closed her eyes — “someone sent me files on them. Things only an insider could get, so I’ve been hunting them, trying to find the source.” Alex watched the way Lucy’s jaw worked to unclench. “The files were a lot, but there was little officially there — except a name. My father’s name was on the paperwork.” Lucy’s eyes met Alex’s. “So I went to go see him, confront him about it all. I don’t know if the fact he didn’t even try to deny it is the worst part, or the fact that he shot himself before we could get him arrested.” 

“Lucy,” Alex breathed out. 

“I know, I’m sorry, my dad is a piece of shit and I’m so…” Lucy’s voice disappeared as more tears came. 

Alex felt like her heart was breaking, did Lucy really think that Alex blamed her for something her father did? Before she could second guess herself, Alex pulled Lucy into her arms, wrapping her in a tight hug.

“You are not to blame for anything your father did.” Alex muttered into the top of Lucy’s head. “I’m so sorry that happened.” 

Alex only felt Lucy’s sobs at first, but soon she heard them. She held tightly as Lucy shook, hoping she felt safe in her arms — in her lap. Lucy’s hands gripped the back of Alex’s sweater tightly, and they stayed that way for a long time until Lucy’s sobs faded into small sniffles. 

“I wish you—” 

Lucy was kissing her. This was exactly the opposite of what she had wanted to happen, but as it happened she felt something in the back of her mind. It wasn’t solid, not a memory, more like a feeling. Familiar and warm — comforting. It reminded her of Maggie, but different. Before she could even process what was happening with her feelings and try to pull away, Lucy was up and out of her lap. 

“Shit, I’m sorry, fuck, why the fuck am I such a fucking idiot?” Lucy’s face was red and tearstained, but she looked so beautiful. “I’m, just, so sorry — I—” Lucy stopped as her phone rang, and she looked devastated as she answered it. “What? Kid, what’re — What, no, you can’t just fly off! No, I don’t care if she’s in trouble!” Lucy yelled into the phone. “You already left? What the fuck, Kara!” 

Alex perked up at the sound of her sister’s name.

“No, turn your ass back around right now.” Lucy brought a hand up to grip her hair tightly. “Don’t you dare hang up on me —!”

— 

Kara wanted to chase after Lucy but knew better. It was best to let her have some space, to let her think about things, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t sit on top of the hotel roof and listen to Lucy’s heartbeat just to make sure she was okay. She felt helpless with Lucy’s problems; they weren’t something she could just punch away. Her phone rang, making her heart skip a beat as she spotted Lena’s name pop up.

“Hi, Lena!” Kara answered with a smile.

“Kara!” Lena’s voice was breathy, and it immediately set Kara on edge.

“Lena, what’s wrong?” Kara gripped the edge of the building.

“Fuck, Kara, my mother—” Before Lena could continue, there was the sound of gunfire and the phone hitting the floor. “Weren’t expecting me to have one too?” Lena’s voice shouted, and there was more gunfire. Immediately, Kara flung herself into the air. 

“I’m on the way!” Kara shouted into the phone, flying at high speed toward National City. More gunfire, followed by the dial tone, nearly made Kara crush her phone, but instead she dialed Lucy’s number — she had to tell someone she was gone. “Lucy! I’m going to National City.” Ignoring the way Lucy kept interrupting her, she continued. “Lena’s in trouble — I’ve already left and I just wanted to tell you, I’ll be back before you know it!” Kara hung up and grimaced, knowing how much trouble she was gonna be in later.

It didn't matter, she had to save Lena.

— 

Lena felt the hair on the back of her neck raise. Something wasn’t right. Quickly she checked the monitor that had L-Corp’s security cameras. Scrutinizing each camera, she found nothing unusual, but still her gut was telling her otherwise. It wasn’t until the cameras finished looping the third time around that she noticed it. Some of the footage was repeating the same ten seconds. “Fuck,” she muttered while diving for her phone. 

Trembling, she dialed for Kara. “Please, please, please.” There were heavy footsteps coming closer to her door, and she pressed one of the many buttons under her desk. The door locked, and as she pressed a second button, bulletproof glass extended from the front of her desk upward several feet.

“Hi, Lena!” Kara’s voice sent a wave of relief through her, but it was quickly dashed as the doors suddenly unlocked. 

“Fuck, Kara, my mother—” Lena dropped the phone as the gunfire started. She quickly opened the drawer of her desk that held her gun and pulled it out. The glass had taken the initial bullets, but several men were approaching from the sides now. She took aim and fired. “Weren’t expecting me to have one too?” Lena shouted, and the men backed up a bit as several bodies dropped. Still, she only had a pistol, and they had machine guns.

They continued firing at her despite the bulletproof glass. Some of the shots were off and hit the glass window behind her, shattering it. Glancing behind her, Lena gulped. She was running out of ammunition, but more men kept coming through the door. Using the last two of her bullets to push back the remaining assailants, she took one last glance out the window before straightening. “Tell my mother that I would never give her the pleasure of killing me herself, not that she’s woman enough to do it,” Lena shouted before leaping out of the window.

God, she hoped Kara would catch her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >   
> _another shout-out to ****_ **[@noreasonatall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noreasonatall/pseuds/noreasonatall)** for beta-ing  
>  _leave a kudos + comment if you are enjoying the story! also feel free to check me out on **[tumblr](https://ins0mnia-an0nym0us-au.tumblr.com/)** or **[twitter](https://twitter.com/insomnia_anon)** _  
> 


	14. CHAPTER FOURTEEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >   
> Truths are revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > _sorry this took so long guys. had some medical issues to deal with and a lack of inspiration. but things about to pick up in pace! check out my tumblr for music playlists related to this fic. link to my tumblr is in the end-notes._  
> 

Kara wasn’t sure which of them was shaking more. Her, having just broken every rule she’d ever set for herself and pushed herself past every limit she had, barely managing to make it in time. Or Lena, who was tightly wrapped in Kara’s arms, bruises likely forming both from being caught so close to the ground and from how hard Kara was gripping her, but the thought of loosening her grip even a little made Kara’s stomach knot. Lena hadn’t said a word, except yelling at Kara to get them out of there. Now her face was tucked against Kara’s chest, arms around her neck. 

They were going at a much slower pace than before, but it was still fast, and Kara glanced down at Lena with worry. “Hey, am I going too fast?” she yelled over the wind.

Lena’s arms tightened around her neck, and she shook her head. “I hate flying.” 

Kara was grateful for her super hearing, as Lena didn’t move her face from its place against her chest. “We’ll be there soon,” Kara tried to soothe.

“This is much better than being dead.” Lena slightly tilted her head to peak out at Kara with a smile. “Thank you.”

“Of course — um, fair warning, there’s probably going to be a big commotion when we get back.” Kara smiled sheepishly. 

“We’ll deal with that when we get there.” Lena let out a slow breath, her gaze avoiding anything but Kara’s face. “Just don’t drop me.”

“Never,” Kara promised.

—

Lucy had to have wronged someone in a past life, or maybe someone had put a curse on her. That was the only explanation for everything that had happened in her life, why she was never able to get just one moment of peace. She’d have to figure it all out at another time when she wasn’t frantically running to find the Danvers to tell them their daughter was being stupid.

“Eliza! Jeremiah!” Lucy called out when she spotted them in the distance. They were walking slowly hand-in-hand but stopped at Lucy’s shouts. Skidding to a stop once she was in front of the pair, Lucy could barely breathe. “Fucking, Kara — I can’t.” Putting her hands on her knees, she bent over and tried to catch her breath. She felt light-headed; everything was rushing in at once.

“What Lucy is trying to say is Kara called, and I think she um… took off somewhere?” Lucy’s heart jumped into her throat when Alex spoke up. She hadn’t noticed that Alex had followed her. She felt like heaving as she remembered the feeling of her lips against Alex’s.

“Why would she do that?” Eliza reached forward and began rubbing Lucy’s back.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know, I only heard one side of the conversation,” Alex explained.

It would’ve been easier to pretend she was still out of breath and overwhelmed, but Lucy could practically feel the worry radiating off of Eliza and Jeremiah. So she shrugged off Eliza’s hand as she straightened.

“She was already gone when she called me, something about her friend being in danger. I tried to get her to come back, but she hung up on me.” Lucy could feel a headache coming on from how tense she was. She could feel Alex’s eyes on her and they burned.

“Kara has a friend?” Jeremiah’s brows were near his hairline. Lucy snorted. Eliza nudged him gently with a frown. “Honey, you have to admit that she’s never really had friends since…” He trailed off, glancing at Alex.

“I had the same reaction.” Lucy shrugged. “You aren’t wrong; after Alex was taken, she isolated herself. This is the first time she’s mentioned having a friend since then.”

“Makes sense why she’d run off, then,” Alex interjected, and everyone turned to look at her. “Someone finally wore down Kara’s defenses, and now that person is in danger. She’s not gonna let them become me.” A heavy silence fell over the group as they processed that. 

Lucy turned her head toward the sky as a small speck became visible. “Kid, that better be you,” she muttered.

—

Lena tightened her grip on Kara as they dove down toward the ground, though she had been gripping pretty tightly the entire time. Her body ached from the impact of being caught, but she found it soothing — it was proof she was alive. Even Kara tightened her hold a little too much as she came to a running landing, almost tripping over her own legs in the process, but the pain from it all was barely a blip on Lena’s radar. 

“I’m just gonna run us closer to town and then I’ll put you down— oh, gosh, I didn’t mean to…” Kara trailed off, and Lena untucked her face from the safety of the woman's chest to see what was wrong. The stricken look on Kara’s face tore at Lena’s heart, and she quickly followed Kara’s gaze. Bruises were already spreading across her pale skin, and they were far from pretty. “I’m so sorry.”

Lena shook her head. “Kara, darling, you saved my life. Would you rather I be splattered against the pavement?”

“Well, no, but I could’ve caught you a bit softer.” Kara shuffled her feet, jostling Lena, who just smiled. “My uh — Eliza is a bit of a doctor; she can probably look at those.,” Kara said with a nod, then winced. “Once she’s done yelling at me.” 

The scenery around them blurred, and Lena let out a squeak, not expecting Kara to just use her superspeed like that.

“Kid! What the hell!” someone yelled. Lena tried not to puke.

“Oh, shoot, I should’ve warned you about the speed, right? Lucy, do you have a bucket or something?” Kara gently set Lena on her feet but kept a hand on her waist as she began to sway.

“Do I look like I just magically have a bucket?” The short woman — Lucy — threw her hands up in the air, and the older woman next to her rolled her eyes, walking forward cautiously toward Lena and Kara.

“Hello, dear, my name is Eliza.” She gently grabbed a hold of Lena’s shoulders and looked her over. “You have been through quite a lot this morning. 

“Yes, it’s— I’m normally much more put together.” Lena tried to straighten herself out, but it was starting to catch up with her. She’d jumped out of her office window on the chance that Kara would catch her. There hadn’t been any other choice, but that didn’t make it any less terrifying. “I think I might be sick,” she said. Turning quickly from the group in front of her, she heaved into the nearby grass, nose scrunched after expelling what little there was in her stomach. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, you have nothing to apologize for.” The scarred woman Lena recognized as Alex moved next to her and began to gently rub her back. “My name is Alex, by the way. Why don’t we head to my place and everyone can settle down?” Alex glanced around the group.

“That sounds like a good idea,” the man who must be Jeremiah said, nodding. “You need to tell us exactly what happened, Kara.”

“Yes, and a proper introduction to your friend would be nice.” Eliza smiled as Kara sputtered, and Lena couldn’t help but cringe too. It had to happen eventually, but she wasn’t looking forward to everyone’s reaction to learning who she was. “Lead the way, Alex,” Eliza said.

Lena let herself be led by Alex, but as she passed by Kara she reached out and grasped at her hand, making sure to keep Kara with her. 

—

Lucy was used to following her gut. It had gotten her in trouble a lot, but it had also saved her ass. Right now, as she eyed the woman Kara had brought back, it was screaming at her that she recognized her from somewhere. Somewhere bad. Still, it’d be a bit rude to start interrogating Kara’s only friend while she was sitting trembling on the sofa next to Kara as Eliza examined the vivid bruises across her body.

“I already told you, Kara, it’s fine. You saved my life,” the woman tried to soothe, but Kara still just shook her head.

“Well, she is right, bruises are much better than other outcomes. You even managed not to break any bones,” Eliza praised as she gently prodded one of the bruises. “Yes, just bruises. Pretty nasty ones, but bruises.” 

“I still should’ve been gentler,” Kara mumbled, fiddling with a string on her jacket, eyes down. Lucy was about to go over and try to knock some sense into her when Alex sat on the coffee table in front of Kara.

“From what I’m hearing, you did pretty good today. Maybe not the best you could possibly be, but would you rather have been worse?” Alex nudged Kara’s foot with her own as she spoke trying to get Kara to look at her.

“Well, no.” Kara let out a sigh.

“So stop beating yourself up about it, and try to do better next time,” Alex said with a shrug.

“Are you ever gonna introduce us?” Jeremiah spoke up from the recliner he’d sat in. “Or should we just guess names? Personally, I think Ophelia is fitting.”

“Oh, my manners are usually much better than this.” The woman cleared her throat. “It’s a pleasure to meet all of you. Kara has spoken about all of you at great length.” Lucy narrowed her eyes at the way she seemed to brace herself for what was coming. “My name is Lena… Luthor.”

Alarms bells went off in Lucy’s head so loud it shook her entire frame, and Kara’s eyes immediately met hers. “Lucy.” Kara stood, blocking Lena from her view. “Calm down.”

“What in the actual fuck is wrong with you, kid?” Lucy was now positive she was cursed. “You know for a fact that I hate your cousin, but if there is one thing that he and I agree on — you don’t befriend a fucking Luthor!” By the time she had finished, she was nose to nose with Kara. “Are you out of your goddamned mind?!”

“Whoa, okay, back up!” Alex stood from the table and got between Lucy and Kara. “Someone explain.”

“Do you not watch the news?” Lucy sneered at Alex but was yanked backward. 

“Get the fuck away from my wife.” Maggie aimed a venomous glare at Lucy. 

“Everyone calm down,” J’onn’s calm voice came from the doorway, and everyone turned to look at him, his arms folded and gaze steady as he stood firm. There was a tense silence, but Lucy wasn’t finished with Kara, and J’onns gaze flicked to her. “Calm yourself.” 

“No, I’m not going to _‘calm myself’_ when this idiot decides to befriend the sister of Lex fucking Luthor!” Lucy pointed at Kara, which meant she was pointing at both Maggie and Alex. 

“I know who she is, Lucy!” Kara carefully shoved past Alex and Maggie. “You think I don’t remember what happened with Kal and Lex? Do you really think I’m that naive? That stupid?” She was in Lucy’s face again.

“Sometimes, I do.” Lucy clenched her hands into fists. “Out of everyone — a Luthor?”

Kara was about to open her mouth when Lena cleared her throat, making everyone turn to look at her. “I know my family is… less than ideal. However, I am on your side, and I can prove it.” Lena’s hands were folded in her lap as she spoke, but Lucy could still see a slight tremble in them. “The mole within CADMUS, the one sending you information on Project Sinon?” She looked toward Lucy. “It’s me.” 

Lucy ignored the smug look on Kara’s face, focusing instead on how Eliza’s eyes flashed.

“CADMUS?” Eliza put her hands on her hips. “Lucy Lane, what have you been up to?”

Fuck, she had a lot of explaining to do.

—

Alex bit the inside of her cheek and gently ran her fingers against Maggie’s wrist. She needed to tell her about the kiss with Lucy; it was eating her up inside. Maggie turned to her with a frown but followed as Alex led them out of the room. They didn’t go far, moving to the kitchen so they could still hear the muffled conversation in the living room. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” Alex moved away from Maggie as Maggie tried to wrap her arms around her. “Alex, what’s wrong?”

“Something happened, and I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did.” Alex hated the way Maggie tensed, her posture rigid and arms folded in front of her. “Lucy kissed me, and I didn’t stop it, but I didn’t do anything either. I couldn’t process what was happening before it was over and I’m just… please, don’t hate me.” She knew that she had to be honest, no matter how much it hurt, but that didn’t mean she liked seeing the hurt on Maggie’s face. 

“I’m not — fuck, I’m not happy about it.” Maggie clenched her jaw. “I’m definitely not happy about it, but — no, fuck, babe, c’mere.” Alex didn’t realize she had started crying until she was pressed against Maggie’s neck, her tears wetting the skin there as Maggie wrapped her arms tight around her. “I could never hate you. Don’t ever think that, okay?” Maggie whispered into her ear, and Alex gripped the back of her shirt tightly. “All of this is fucked, but I fucked up too, okay?” 

“No, Maggie.” Alex shook her head but was stopped by Maggie leaning back to look her in the eye.

“I did, I really did. You need to listen to me.” Maggie placed a hand on the back of Alex’s neck. “I asked J’onn to read Lucy’s mind. Well, I was going to ask him, and he… well, he heard, and he was angry, rightfully so, I just — I’ve been trying so hard, I really have, to not be some insecure wife, but the way she was acting was strange, and I just needed to know, but he said no — Of course he did, he’s J’onn, he’s better than all of us.” Maggie let out a stuttering breath. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not mad. I’m not.” Shaking her head, Alex frowned. She wasn’t mad, but she wasn’t happy. She opened her mouth to continue but stopped as someone cleared their throat from the doorway. J’onn stood there with a grave look on his face.

“I apologize for intruding.” J’onn tilted his head. “But you both will want to hear what is being spoken about.” He turned and walked out of the room.

It wasn’t okay, none of it was. But there was something big happening in the other room, and they had to focus. 

— 

The eyes on her did nothing to alleviate the pounding in Lucy’s skull. She rubbed her temples as everything around her fell apart and voices were raised, trying to reach over each other to be heard. It’s not like she purposefully kept everything a secret to be cruel. That didn’t matter, though. Secrets she kept, and now she was paying the price.

“Fucksake, all right, yes!” Lucy shouted, cutting through the voices. “I didn’t even intend to keep looking for CADMUS! But I got a lead, and I wasn’t going to let it die out — Jesus Christ, that lead had my dad’s name on it, what was I supposed to do, just ignore that?” The way they looked at her made her grit her teeth. “Stop it, just, stop looking at me like that, it’s fine.” Lucy clenched her hands into fists. 

“Lucy, we know about your father.” Jeremiah had moved from his seat to stand next to Eliza. It reminded Lucy of when she’d first met the Danvers, how they’d always come across as a united front. 

“What? You mean how he shot himself? Yeah, it happened.” Lucy scoffed and glanced over to where Alex, Maggie, and J’onn had just reentered the room. “Welcome back, just in time for the best parts!”

“Leave us out of whatever family bullshit this is.” Maggie grunted, folding her arms but staying close to Alex. 

“Lucy, sweetie, Jeremiah and I — we need to know, we won’t judge you, we understand how angry you must’ve felt when you saw his name on those documents, just, did he really shoot himself?” Eliza took a couple of steps forward toward Lucy as she spoke, hands out in a placating manner, but Lucy was frozen.

“No, hey, she didn’t do anything.” Kara stood from next to Lena and got in front of Lucy. “I was with her. We just went to talk to him, she wanted answers, we both did, he shot himself — he… it was sudden all right, we couldn’t stop him.” Kara reached back and grabbed at Lucy’s wrist, trying to bring her back to herself. 

“You were there when it happened?” Alex asked with a frown. 

“We were just trying to figure out how he was connected to all of it,” Kara insisted, glancing between Jeremiah, Eliza, and Alex. 

“Aren’t you really fast? How could you not stop him?” There was no accusation in Maggie’s voice.

Kara shifted in place, dropping Lucy’s wrist. “He said some stuff and I got mad, really mad. I was gonna do something I’d regret, we’d probably all regret, and so Lucy told me to take a walk.” Kara’s dropped her gaze to the ground. “I was a few miles away when I heard the gun cocking. At first it didn’t even register, but by the time it did I — it was too late.” 

The following silence ate at Lucy. They really thought she’d killed her father? Sure, they’d never gotten along, but that was still her _dad_. As far apart as they were, she still had fond memories of him, moments where he forgot to be the soldier he was and instead was the father he should’ve been. Staring down at her hands — trembling, now — Lucy shook her head. This wasn’t the time. CADMUS was still out there. 

“What exactly happened today, Ms. Luthor?” J’onn broke the silence, and Lucy looked up from her hands to see J’onn standing close to Lena. “If you don’t mind telling us.”

“Right, of course.” Lena nodded. “As I said, I’ve been sending the information to Lucy ever since I started finding it — I remembered what Kara said about her looking for CADMUS and how she found Alex. It seemed like the most trustworthy place to send it.” Lena pressed her lips into a firm line. “But I knew that I was running out of time. My mother was onto me; she pretty much told me to back off in a recent phone call.” 

“Wait, that’s what she said in that phone call? You said it was nothing to be worried about!” Kara furrowed her brow.

“I didn’t want to worry you, and I hadn’t told you I was looking into this. I’m sorry I lied, but it was necessary. I had to keep going,” Lena said, refusing to meet Kara’s eyes. “Mother sent a rather large group of mercenaries to my office today. They weren’t expecting resistance, I don’t think, nor were they expecting me to jump out of the window.” A slow shuddery breath left Lena’s lips at the memory. “I’m very lucky Kara got there in time.”

“All right, so now your mom knows that you’re onto her.” Lucy wrapped her arms around herself, trying to get all the pieces together. “Does she know about Kara?”

“I have no idea, but we should assume she does, and that she’s wiped my entire office clean of anything that could hold information — my apartment as well.” Lena reached down the front of her shirt and pulled out a flashdrive. “However, I know my mothers tricks, and wasn’t going to leave anything valuable just laying around.”

“Was that stuff in your bra?” Lucy sputtered.

“Lucy!” Eliza scolded, and Lena flushed.

“Taped under my breast, actually.” Lena smirked. “Mother never would look there; she’s rather prudish.” 

“I’m starting to like you.” Lucy chuckled. “Alex, do you have a laptop or something?”

Alex nodded, but before she could move, someone's phone began ringing. “Babe, that’s yours.” Alex spoke softly to Maggie.

“I mean, should I even bother answering it?” Maggie shrugged and let it ring. “Go get the laptop.” 

Alex nodded and left the room. The phone stopped ringing just as she came back with the laptop in hand, only to start ringing once more. A worried look spread across Alex’s face. “Answer it,” Alex urged.

“All right, yeah.” Maggie pulled out her phone and put it to her ear. “Hello?” No one moved as the color left Maggie’s face. “I understand. Right, I’ll tell her. Five minutes.” Slowly she moved the phone from her ear and looked at Lena. “It’s your mom. She wants to make a deal.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >   
> _another shout-out to ****_ **[@noreasonatall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noreasonatall/pseuds/noreasonatall)** for beta-ing  
>  _leave a kudos + comment if you are enjoying the story! also feel free to check me out on **[tumblr](https://ins0mnia-an0nym0us-au.tumblr.com/)** or **[twitter](https://twitter.com/insomnia_anon)** _  
> 


	15. CHAPTER FIFTEEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >   
> Confrontations happen  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > _hope you all enjoy this! this took longer than i wanted but writers block is a bitch. after i finish this story i will be going on a break before continuing this. there's one or two more chapters after this one. hopefully they will come out faster than this one!_

“I just want to be clear on how bad of an idea I think this is.” Lucy tried to take in the scenery as they drove to the location Lillian had given them to meet… It was pretty damn isolated. “Like really bad.” 

“We don’t have much of a choice,” Jeremiah snapped from the front passenger seat, turning to look at Lucy, who rolled her eyes. “Besides, we have backup.” 

“Ah, yes, three civilians and one untrained kryptonian.” Lucy pursed her lips and glanced at Lena, who sat next to her in the backseat. She was paler than normal, and for once Lucy actually felt bad for the Luthor. “Are we sure we shouldn’t call Kal?”

“No, we aren’t calling him. Besides, they have no idea about J’onn.” Jeremiah faced the road again, and J’onn grunted in response. He’d been nothing but silent as he drove. 

“Don’t assume anything,” Lena interjected. “Assume my mother knows all your secrets, has everything planned down to the things you yourself haven’t told anyone.” 

“That’s reassuring, thanks,” Lucy grumbled. “Hold on, Eliza is calling.” Lucy answered the phone. “You’re on speaker.”

“We’re following a few miles behind you; Kara has eyes on you — are we sure this is the best plan?” Maggie spoke up first, her voice crackling through the speaker. 

“For once, we are like-minded.” Lucy grunted as the road turned to dirt. “Fuck, she really doesn’t want our bodies found.”

“That’s not funny, Lucy,” Eliza scolded through the phone.

“I wasn’t trying to be funny.” Lucy snorted.

“Enough. This is the best plan we could come up with on short notice. Just be aware of your surroundings.” Alex didn’t sound that happy either, but this wasn’t exactly the greatest situation. “Don’t do anything stupid either.”

“Yeah, yeah, pretty sure you have all the stupid with you, so it’s fine.” Lucy hung up and shoved her phone into her jacket pocket. “Suddenly I’m very grateful Lois forced me to visit a friend of hers in Gotham.” 

“Sounds like an interesting story.” Lena raised a brow toward Lucy, who smirked.

“We get out of this and I’ll tell you everything — in detail.” 

— 

“A bunker, Mother?” Lena stood a few steps ahead of the others as they walked toward Lillian. “A bit dramatic, don’t you think?”

“Luthors don’t do things in halves.” A smile spread across Lillian’s face, and Lena felt her insides twisting up. This wasn’t good. “Do we, dear?”

“I’m not like you,” Lena sneered.

“No, you are nothing like us,” Lillian agreed with a sigh. “You’re brother would be so disappointed in you — I mean, really, charity work? Developing medical equipment to help aid aliens? Did I not raise you properly?” Lillian let her gaze wander over to the rest of the group. “Jeremiah Danvers and Lucy Lane,” she identified with a growing smile. “I’m afraid I don’t know who you are,” she said when her gaze reached J’onn, “but I assume you are just as average.” J’onn didn’t bother replying. “I must thank you, Doctor Danvers. You and your wife really have been the greatest of help to CADMUS.”

“They aren’t involved in this, Mother,” Lena tried to get Lillian to focus back on her.

“Oh, but this is entirely about them!” Lillian laughed. “We just need the rest of the guests to arrive, and we’ll be all set.” Before anyone could move, red dots covered their chests. “But I’m a patient woman. I’ve waited this long; I can wait a few more minutes.” 

— 

“It’s all lined in lead; I can’t see anything.” Kara squinted into the distance, trying to see into the bunker the others had just walked into. “We have to get closer, I’m losing their heartbeats.” 

“I’ve got a bad feeling,” Alex murmured as she followed behind Kara and Eliza, keeping close to Maggie.

“I won’t let them hurt you.” Maggie reached over and grabbed Alex’s hand. “Promise.”

“You might not have a choice. It’s just, these people are scary.” Something was gnawing at Alex. She couldn’t tell what it was, but it made her grip Maggie’s hand that much tighter. “Don’t be a hero.”

“That goes for you too.” Maggie bumped her shoulder into Alex’s with a small smile. 

“Wait, I hear something.” Kara stopped suddenly, and they all froze as several gunshots rang through the air. The first bounced easily off the side of Kara’s head, the next she caught in her hand as the others hit the ground trying to take cover, the third pinged the side of a nearby tree, and Kara moved faster than anyone could process trying to catch the rest.

“Did she do it?” Maggie kept a hand on Alex’s arm but eyed Kara, who stood still in front of them.

“Kara?” Eliza called out, and she started to get up but stopped as several red dots appeared on each of them. Men started coming out of thicket with their weapons aimed at them, and it wasn’t until one of them reached Kara and shoved her down to the ground that they all saw the red dripping from her stomach and her veins flowing an unearthly green. One of the men walked past Kara to stand in front of them and brought his hand up to his ear.

“Targets found — bringing them to you.”

— 

Things certainly weren’t going according to plan, but that seemed to be a common denominator in Lucy’s life. Still, seeing Kara dumped in front of them, bleeding, in pain, with veins pulsing green, was not something Lucy wanted to see in her life. Lena immediately moved to kneel next to Kara, pressing her hands into the wound to try and stem the bleeding. 

“Well, I didn’t specify dead or alive — so this is magnificent.” Lillian looked delighted, but she quickly turned her attention from Kara to Alex. “Oh, my dear Alex, it’s been so long.”

“Hey, you don’t talk to her.” Lucy snarled before anyone else could respond and took a step in front of both Maggie and Alex — they were a pair, and protecting one meant protecting them both. 

“Lucy Lane, you’ve been looking a long time for me. Well done, you found me. Now what?” Lillian looked Lucy up and down slowly. “Yes, I can see why your father was so disappointed. So much lost potential in you and your sister.” 

“He wasn’t that great of a dad either.” Lucy snorted, but she felt the skin on her palms breaking as her nails bit into them. “Neither of you are winning parent of the year.”

“I don’t think anyone here would.” Lillian chuckled, eyes flicking to Jeremiah and Eliza. “After all, it took  _ you _ to find Alex. Not even her own parents could — they let her get taken in the first place.” 

“Enough!” Lena shouted from Kara’s side. “What do you want, Mother?”

“What I’ve always wanted!” Lillian took a deep breath after snapping. “Earth is under attack by these hidden invaders, and all I’ve ever wanted was to secure our safety.” She glanced over to one of her soldiers and jerked her head toward Alex. “I’ve waited so long for this.” 

Lucy didn’t move out of the way, even as the man came to a stop in front of her, she didn’t move as two red dots centered on her chest. “You can’t have her.” Lucy growled.

“She’s already mine.” Lillian scoffed and Lucy’s vision went white as she was hit on the side of the head by the butt of the gun.

The concrete was hard underneath her hands and knees. Her ears were ringing, but she could faintly hear a scuffle. 

“No!” — “Get your hands off her!”

— 

Being brought to her knees in front of Lillian Luthor wasn’t as terrifying as the sight of Kara bleeding profusely a few feet away or Lucy struggling to get to her feet, eyes glazed. Maggie was helping her up, while Jeremiah sported a blackening eye and Eliza clung to him. But — where had J’onn gone? He wouldn’t leave her here. 

“Alexandra Danvers.” Lillian stared down at Alex, who stared blankly back up at her.

“Sawyer.” Alex frowned. “My last name is Sawyer.”

“Ah, yes, you took that woman's name.” Lillian glanced at Maggie. “No matter, you  **are** Alex Danvers. I would recognize you anyway.”

Alex pressed her mouth into a thin line. There was that gnawing feeling at the back of her head again. Staring at Lillian was uncomfortable, and it made her want to shift in place. But she stayed still. 

“Nothing?” Lillian raised a brow. “Perfect, worked like a charm, then.” Lillian reached down and cupped Alex’s chin. “It’s time to wake up. You’ve been dreaming, there’s much to be done.” As she spoke the final word, she let go of Alex’s face and took a step back. 

It was like a floodgate opened. It all came back at once, and Alex wasn’t sure if she was screaming or not, but she knew that she had fallen over. Hands on her head, twitching, was remembering supposed to be this painful? 

_ “My name's Lucy.” _

She wanted to tear her skin off.

_ “Alex, this is Kara, she’s gonna be your new sister.” _

That gnawing feeling at the back of her head exploded behind her eyes.

_ “Foolish of you to take that thing's place — but we will find a use for you yet.” _

Then there was no more pain, and Alex relaxed against the floor.

— 

It was quiet for a long moment. Lucy slowly took her arm back from around Maggie and took a step toward Alex, who twitched in response, her head turning to look at Lucy. It made Lucy suck in a breath as their eyes met and she saw her best friend there. It had been so long, it made her want to fall to her knees and cry, but just as soon as she saw that familiar spark, it vanished. Alex’s eyes dulled as she stood.

“Alex, babe, you okay?” Maggie stepped up next to Lucy as she spoke but stopped when Lucy grabbed her wrist. “What?”

“Somethings wrong,” Lucy murmured, she kept her eyes on Alex as she stood stoically still.

“Wonderful observation skills.” Lillian grinned. “Now then, time to see if this was all worth it, don’t you think?” Lillian’s eyes narrowed. “Asset, before you are enemies of CADMUS, destroy them at all costs.” 

“Fuck!” Lucy yanked Maggie back, taking the full force of Alex’s fist to her face. For a second she sent a thanks out to the universe for making Lois such a stubborn bitch once more as instinct from her training in Gotham kicked in and she blocked the next punch. 

“Alex, stop!” Maggie cried out somewhere nearby, but Alex didn’t even flinch.

“This isn’t Alex!” Lucy spat some blood as she grappled with Alex. Their eyes met once more, and she saw nothing there, not even the woman she’d come to know since finding this ghost living in her friend's body.

“It took so much time and effort, but the Asset is so much more than your Alex,” Lillian boasted.

Lucy hated to admit it, but Lillian was right. It was like some sort of instant transformation. Alex wasn’t weak before, but somehow she seemed stronger. Not to mention, she was using professional fighting forms, better than Lucy ever had, and it was hard for Lucy to even stay on the defensive. “What did you do to her?”

“What, you didn’t think all those scars were for fun?” Lillian snorted. “Even I’m not that cruel, but I don’t answer to you, to any of you.” 

Lucy’s eyes widened in horror as Maggie wrapped her arms around Alex from behind. “Alex, please, stop!” There wasn’t a hint of recognition on Alex’s face, and almost immediately Maggie was flung over her shoulder, directly at Lucy, who caught her. 

A sudden burst of gunfire caused everyone to pause as several of the gunmen holding them hostage fell dead. The rest turned quickly to the gunman who had shot their comrade, and they began firing, only for him to transform into a large green martian who began punching through them. Jeremiah quickly grabbed one of the guns from the ground, handing it to Eliza before grabbing one himself and beginning to fire on the gunmen.

“Asset — with me!” Lillian called, and Alex swiftly turned to follow Lillian, who had begun to leave under the cover of gunfire. 

Lucy wanted to follow, but she looked over at the others and knew she couldn’t. Kara was looking paler than ever, and Lena was most likely in shock. They needed to get out of here in one piece to be able to find Alex again. 

“Fuck. J’onn — get Kara out of here!” Lucy picked up her own gun and began firing. “We’ll follow!” God she hoped so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >   
> _another shout-out to ****_ **[@noreasonatall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noreasonatall/pseuds/noreasonatall)** for beta-ing  
>  _leave a kudos + comment if you are enjoying the story! also feel free to check me out on **[tumblr](https://ins0mnia-an0nym0us-au.tumblr.com/)** or **[twitter](https://twitter.com/insomnia_anon)** _  
> 


End file.
